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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays).  Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice.  Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child.  That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.[/quote]

Regardless it should be 50-50.  Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them.  You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50.  Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.[/quote]
No.  A kid can't be on two different swim teams.  And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing.  Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules.  For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody.  Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate.  The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.[/quote]
The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable.  If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier.  Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.[/quote]

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.[/quote]

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong.  And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them.  Lots of options.  Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.[/quote]
Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc.  There's so much that goes into supporting your kid.   And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc.  If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea.  Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.[/quote]

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving.  Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day.  You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong.   We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them.  Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing. [/quote]

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