What is this feeing I experience from a memory of my mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is everyone so inept that they are missing the point that the parents made her feel guilty for existing in their space?

No one is missing the point - but this many years later, OP is missing the point that the idyllic dream on her wish list probably wasn’t possible.

Carrying this after so much time has passed isn’t heathy, and that’s on OP. Her parents weren’t perfect, but that is really part of being human (hint: just because you attend every event doesn’t make you perfect, and to some children might feel stifling, but no one wants to hear that).

Trust that someone is is doing their best, manage your relationship accordingly, and you will be happier for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Carrying this after so much time has passed isn’t heathy, and that’s on OP. Her parents weren’t perfect, but that is really part of being human (hint: just because you attend every event doesn’t make you perfect, and to some children might feel stifling, but no one wants to hear that).

My DD just told me that she prefers if I just drop her off to her club sport tournaments rather than attending. She feels like I'm hovering and always watching her lol. Fine with me! I felt guilty about not wanting to go to these all day events, but not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how we judge past things with today’s standards. Perhaps the mother made the negative comment because it was special and she did want to be there but she needed to buffer her own hurt at the situation, she saved her feelings at your expense. Maybe you should ask her about it, not us. As for all you, we do things so much better now, parents your turn is coming. You won’t be spared from the critical gaze of your kids in the future as standards continually evolve and you’ve shown them you shouldn’t be.

+1 on this. How old are you, OP? Until 4th grade, I went to a private school, and my mom was one of the few working moms. I noticed it then and wished things were different, but I completely understand now. But even in that private school, there were no assemblies with parents that I recall. Parents today are expected to be available all the time. It wasn't like this in the 1970s and 1980s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is everyone so inept that they are missing the point that the parents made her feel guilty for existing in their space?

Has OP ever come back to provide the background of what job her mom had? Nobody is inept, rather pushing back on who refuses to be rational or reasonable. She's omitting the details because she knows how it will look, obviously. She won't get the hair pats she wants from people like you.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that happened, it stinks. AND I wonder what kind of stresses and pressures your mom had that made it impossible for her to stop and smell the roses, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is everyone so inept that they are missing the point that the parents made her feel guilty for existing in their space?

Has OP ever come back to provide the background of what job her mom had? Nobody is inept, rather pushing back on who refuses to be rational or reasonable. She's omitting the details because she knows how it will look, obviously. She won't get the hair pats she wants from people like you.

So OP did come back! And clarified that her mom had exactly the type of job where she can't just duck out for a few hours and finish up later. She was working her fingers to the bone to provide for the family in whats was probably a soul crushing job and OP is whining that she wasn't happy that she went to a lame concert and probably had to work OT to make up for it. What a piece of work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are 50, you should not dwell on some past childhood issues. For most of us who are 50, parents coming to events was not a thing.

Wow, that’s not at all true. I’m 50 and parents coming to events was absolutely a thing.

I'm 50 too, and remember that my parents and a lot of my friends' parents didn't come to things. Mine came to maybe one basketball game. If they did come to a concert or play, their reaction was usually critical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are 50, you should not dwell on some past childhood issues. For most of us who are 50, parents coming to events was not a thing.

Wow, that’s not at all true. I’m 50 and parents coming to events was absolutely a thing.

I'm 50 too, and remember that my parents and a lot of my friends' parents didn't come to things. Mine came to maybe one basketball game. If they did come to a concert or play, their reaction was usually critical.

I'm 51 and most parents didn't regularly attend things unless they had to drive the kids to them. There was one overbearing sports dad who attended all the games, but he was annoying. These were just rec sports. Our schools then didn't have a lot of programs or games to attend though.