Examples of modern monogamy

[Anonymous]

Ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, monogamish, openish, modern monogamy.

Lots if ways to name this set up. Imagine there are plenty more. It’s not an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have excellent communication, clearly stated boundaries with personal accountability, and the structure in your relationship to make this work I think it’s fantastic.

I love my husband dearly. He cannot fulfill everything I need. I do have platonic friendships that fill in some of these gaps, but would love an arrangement like this (with his blessing).

Honestly, I feel extraordinarily fortunate having my cake and eating it too while still maintaining my own sense of integrity. Some PPs may consider me a cheater, but DH doesn’t and that’s really all that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have excellent communication, clearly stated boundaries with personal accountability, and the structure in your relationship to make this work I think it’s fantastic.

I love my husband dearly. He cannot fulfill everything I need. I do have platonic friendships that fill in some of these gaps, but would love an arrangement like this (with his blessing).

Honestly, I feel extraordinarily fortunate having my cake and eating it too while still maintaining my own sense of integrity. Some PPs may consider me a cheater, but DH doesn’t and that’s really all that matters.

For any of the PPs who have/want situations like this, what are these needs that can’t be met by the one person you’re most connected to? I know everyone may have their own highest priority, but I’d like to understand something more concrete about this since the majority of marriages don’t seem to have this hole. (Or they live with it and don’t fulfill it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:To defend OP, it doesn't seem much different from having a good friend, just happens to be of the opposite sex. If emotional support means having someone who listens to you and provides thoughtful responses and good conversation, that is not cheating or an affair.

This is my question back to OP- how is this different than having a good guy friend?

The difference is that we’re not platonic.

What does non platonic mean in your context?

Romantic love

How do you have a non-physical romantic partner? I still don't understand how it differs from a male best friend (hetro).

Is the inclusion phone sex? Therefore crossing the line?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I understand folks are curious about my set-up and don’t mind answering questions, but my ask in the OP still stands - does anyone have any unconventional marriage (no need to call it “modern monogamy” if the term bothers you) success stories they’d like to share? So far I think only the threesome/foursome PP chimed in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To defend OP, it doesn't seem much different from having a good friend, just happens to be of the opposite sex. If emotional support means having someone who listens to you and provides thoughtful responses and good conversation, that is not cheating or an affair.

This is my question back to OP- how is this different than having a good guy friend?

The difference is that we’re not platonic.

What does non platonic mean in your context?

Romantic love

How do you have a non-physical romantic partner? I still don't understand how it differs from a male best friend (hetro).

Is the inclusion phone sex? Therefore crossing the line?

Romance is not synonymous with sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have excellent communication, clearly stated boundaries with personal accountability, and the structure in your relationship to make this work I think it’s fantastic.

I love my husband dearly. He cannot fulfill everything I need. I do have platonic friendships that fill in some of these gaps, but would love an arrangement like this (with his blessing).

Honestly, I feel extraordinarily fortunate having my cake and eating it too while still maintaining my own sense of integrity. Some PPs may consider me a cheater, but DH doesn’t and that’s really all that matters.

For any of the PPs who have/want situations like this, what are these needs that can’t be met by the one person you’re most connected to? I know everyone may have their own highest priority, but I’d like to understand something more concrete about this since the majority of marriages don’t seem to have this hole. (Or they live with it and don’t fulfill it).

For me I’m not filling a hole, I’m enjoying icing on the cake. So instead of one man making me feel loved/appreciated/heard/beautiful/etc., I have two.

[Anonymous]

OP - does your relationship include sex or not?

You mention “not platonic” and mention “romance is not sex”. So is sex part of the equation or not?

You can be a flavor of monogamy - modern or otherwise - as long as the sex is a 1:1 commitment. If not, we are outside the realm of monogamy. No judgment being offered just clarifying definitions

[Anonymous]

I don’t have personal experience with this, not know several couples that make it work. And have for more than a decade, happily. Some have kids, others don’t.

[Anonymous]

I'm not OP but I understand how her situation could work. She and other man tell each other they love each other. They say you look amazing, you look beautiful, I miss you, I wish I was with you. They don't pretend they're just friends. They don't hide the relationship from their partners. At the same time, they don't touch each other or take off each other's clothes. It sounds very challenging but not totally crazy to me. I'm sure there are MANY relationships like this where people don't actually have sex because they want to be faithful to their spouses, but I bet most people downplay it to the spouses.

[Anonymous]

Why are you calling it modern monogamy? It sounds like you're trying to get approval from others by lumping it into a title reserved for relationships that don't get their romantic or sexual needs met outside the relationship.

I don't have any problem in couples if it's consensual. Just call it what it is though - you have a sexually monogamous but romantically open relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - does your relationship include sex or not?

You mention “not platonic” and mention “romance is not sex”. So is sex part of the equation or not?

You can be a flavor of monogamy - modern or otherwise - as long as the sex is a 1:1 commitment. If not, we are outside the realm of monogamy. No judgment being offered just clarifying definitions

We’ve been physically intimate in the past (I mentioned in an earlier post that we’ve known each other since we were kids), but there is no sex, sexting, or phone sex in our current relationship. I think I also mentioned earlier that BF is very romantic but somewhat asexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you calling it modern monogamy? It sounds like you're trying to get approval from others by lumping it into a title reserved for relationships that don't get their romantic or sexual needs met outside the relationship.

I don't have any problem in couples if it's consensual. Just call it what it is though - you have a sexually monogamous but romantically open relationship.

Not seeking approval. Had simply never heard the term before but upon Googling it realized I fit one of the examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP but I understand how her situation could work. She and other man tell each other they love each other. They say you look amazing, you look beautiful, I miss you, I wish I was with you. They don't pretend they're just friends. They don't hide the relationship from their partners. At the same time, they don't touch each other or take off each other's clothes. It sounds very challenging but not totally crazy to me. I'm sure there are MANY relationships like this where people don't actually have sex because they want to be faithful to their spouses, but I bet most people downplay it to the spouses.

It’s a lot less challenging because we live really far away from one another!

[Anonymous]

I've had two of those relationships in my life. The first with a gay man who was infatuated with me (a woman), the second with a heterosexual man who does not want to cheat on his wife. Both were more than friendships, but not physically sexual. Romance is the right word for it.