Examples of modern monogamy

[Anonymous]

Hadn’t heard this term before another poster mentioned it in a recent thread, but realized after looking it up that I’m an example. In my case, I’ve been with DH for over two decades. My emotional needs in a romantic relationship have always been a bit more than DH would like to handle, and nearly 10 years ago, he agreed to let me have a primarily online BF who would take on some of that emotional caregiving.

It sounds crazy, I know, and if you think I’m trolling or proselytizing, feel free to ignore this thread. I’m just sick at home so not working today, bored as a result, and curious if any other DCUM-ers may wish to share their own examples of modern monogamy, fully recognizing that what works for one couple may not work for others?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

[Anonymous]

I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

Hawt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this concept interesting and I definitely see how it can make a lot of sense. How did you come up with an online boyfriend vs making a friend who is a woman online? Or are the emotional needs you need met specific to a romantic relationship?

As for us, we like to engage in threesomes or foursomes. DH really loves to share me with others and I get off on that too.

Yes, the emotional needs I need met are specific to a romantic relationship and I’m hetero so that’s why it’s a BF not a GF. Thank you for sharing your example of modern monogamy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

This sounds interesting. Do you talk about your marriage with him? And does this BF have a partner?

No judgment at all - just wondering what makes this relationship different than having a best friend. Is it flirty?

[Anonymous]

That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by primarily online? You never get together for sex? You just text all day?

We’re long distance, so only see each other in person a couple times a year. We don’t text all day (even my emotional needs aren’t THAT high!), but do touch base via text most days. We might talk on the phone/FaceTime every week or two.

This sounds interesting. Do you talk about your marriage with him? And does this BF have a partner?

No judgment at all - just wondering what makes this relationship different than having a best friend. Is it flirty?

Yes, I talk about my marriage with BF, and yes, he has a partner as well. We are indeed best friends, but the relationship is not purely platonic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

[Anonymous]

I'm not very emotionally needy but my husband is a good listener and I know he really loves me. If I need to talk things out I take walks with a couple of GFs. If I did that with some guy it could head in a wrong direction and it's likely I was being played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I’m all for seeking support elsewhere.

It’s not fair to put the burden on just one person.

But don’t hurt your spouse, or bring back STDs.

Me again. I have a male friend who supports me and vice versa. We mainly text, but occasionally see each other in person. We are careful not to get physical, though. The relationship has a slight romantic edge I don’t have with other friends, male or female. It fulfills a need we both have, apparently.

You are having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is not modern monogamy. That is an affair. Grow up.

Affair implies deception. There is none here.

An affair is a relationship outside of marriage. That is what you have. That is not monogamy.