I can’t stop being sad about this relationship dynamic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to what it has always felt like to be the breadwinning male.

Except I'm sure she's doing more than 50% of the childcare and mental load... so nah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you feel you could have married a rich man. If you could have, you would have. You didn’t for a reason—likely because no rich man wanted you. I have the same thoughts, but I say to myself, there is nothing you could have done differently. I worked with the cards I was dealt. Do I wish I was born beautiful and from upper class family that paved the way for marrying a rich surgeon (a couple of my friends have this), yes! But that was not my reality. I was born low caste (we are immigrants) and pretty but nothing remarkable looks. So I married a man who was honest and hard working but not high earning. I don’t regret it, but it does sting at times that I have to work so hard because he doesn’t make much.

These posts also read like we are in 1950 to me.

Why don't women say, "I sometimes regret that I did not become a surgeon."

Why do we still fantasize about some man giving us what we want in life. If it so child-like.

Why is that the fantasy? Because it’s easier, often more enjoyable and relaxing! Surgeons and other high earners have to work long hours and are under high stress all the time. Just spending the money is easy and so much more fun. And it can be just as fulfilling if you’re doing it right.

I’m married to a surgeon, and I don’t feel this way.
I know this sounds stupid, but I don’t really know how to spend the money. I know that he envisions this perfect house and clothes and parties, but I’m a nerdy sci-fi lover, and I don’t know how to make those things happen. I’m also a physician, and I’m not really interested in dedicating my life to shopping and interior decorating.
We have had to move far away from home in order to pursue his career, so I have no friends or family around. It also means that the people we invite to said parties are near strangers and kind of judgmental.
And it’s hard to share parenting derisions with someone who doesn’t really know your kids but doesn’t want to admit it.

I love my husband. He is brilliant and funny and overall a wonderful man. But I sometimes wish I had married someone else. Maybe OP and I should switch places

This is so condescending and faux self deprecating. SAHMs don’t spend all their time “shopping and interior decorating”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you feel you could have married a rich man. If you could have, you would have. You didn’t for a reason—likely because no rich man wanted you. I have the same thoughts, but I say to myself, there is nothing you could have done differently. I worked with the cards I was dealt. Do I wish I was born beautiful and from upper class family that paved the way for marrying a rich surgeon (a couple of my friends have this), yes! But that was not my reality. I was born low caste (we are immigrants) and pretty but nothing remarkable looks. So I married a man who was honest and hard working but not high earning. I don’t regret it, but it does sting at times that I have to work so hard because he doesn’t make much.

These posts also read like we are in 1950 to me.

Why don't women say, "I sometimes regret that I did not become a surgeon."

Why do we still fantasize about some man giving us what we want in life. If it so child-like.

Why is that the fantasy? Because it’s easier, often more enjoyable and relaxing! Surgeons and other high earners have to work long hours and are under high stress all the time. Just spending the money is easy and so much more fun. And it can be just as fulfilling if you’re doing it right.

I’m married to a surgeon, and I don’t feel this way.
I know this sounds stupid, but I don’t really know how to spend the money. I know that he envisions this perfect house and clothes and parties, but I’m a nerdy sci-fi lover, and I don’t know how to make those things happen. I’m also a physician, and I’m not really interested in dedicating my life to shopping and interior decorating.
We have had to move far away from home in order to pursue his career, so I have no friends or family around. It also means that the people we invite to said parties are near strangers and kind of judgmental.
And it’s hard to share parenting derisions with someone who doesn’t really know your kids but doesn’t want to admit it.

I love my husband. He is brilliant and funny and overall a wonderful man. But I sometimes wish I had married someone else. Maybe OP and I should switch places

This is so condescending and faux self deprecating. SAHMs don’t spend all their time “shopping and interior decorating”

I don't think she was saying that in general they do. Rather, that her husband would like her to do that, and that someone out there would probably enjoy that.

[Anonymous]

He probably f’ed up his career so you could climb the corporate ladder and play Miss Executive.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a surgeon, and I don’t feel this way.
I know this sounds stupid, but I don’t really know how to spend the money. I know that he envisions this perfect house and clothes and parties, but I’m a nerdy sci-fi lover, and I don’t know how to make those things happen. I’m also a physician, and I’m not really interested in dedicating my life to shopping and interior decorating.
We have had to move far away from home in order to pursue his career, so I have no friends or family around. It also means that the people we invite to said parties are near strangers and kind of judgmental.
And it’s hard to share parenting derisions with someone who doesn’t really know your kids but doesn’t want to admit it.

I love my husband. He is brilliant and funny and overall a wonderful man. But I sometimes wish I had married someone else. Maybe OP and I should switch places

This is so condescending and faux self deprecating. SAHMs don’t spend all their time “shopping and interior decorating”

DP - Yes, but in response to your post SAHMs do not spend their time in the OR or helping patients, like the PP and her husband. So do not be condescending yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to what it has always felt like to be the breadwinning male.

Ding Ding Ding, we have a winner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted this before. You need to go somewhere else for an answer.

So?? Don’t read it and go away. Rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many times are you going to post about this?

The OP can post as many times as she wants.

She may be just seeking a different perspective here.

MYOB.