I'm intimidated by my new boyfriend's smarts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with other posters- your degree/alma mater is not everything.

Also, I don’t know how old you are, but the college you were able to get into at 18 is not necessarily reflective of your intelligence now. I know people who are life long learners who continue to grow, & others who haven’t picked up a book since they left school…so once you are in your mid 30s, it kind of depends more on your natural intelligence/curiosity rather than where you graduated from 10 yrs ago.

I love to learn new things but no time to read now.

[Anonymous]

My husband is EXTREMELY smart in the realm of like math/reasoning/STEM. He has a very high IQ. I struggle with the things that come easiest to him, but I am far smarter at relationships/people.

It bothers him that people think of him as the smart/erudite one of the two of us as he believes (and I think this is true!) that I am very smart also just in ways less traditionally labeled as 'intelligent'.

I do think though that while are strengths lie in different arenas we do have a similar level of baseline intelligence that allows us to kind of be on each other's level. I might struggle with math and spatial visioning, but when we debate a political topic or something we are at the same level of reasoning and logic and comprehension. I think it would be difficult to be with someone who was on a very different level.

But that said everyone is right, your degrees and where they came from are not conclusive proof of intelligence, it should be evident in your interactions whether or not you are similar enough to be compatible.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just wanted to thank everyone for being so encouraging and kind. It made me realize I have a lot to offer and that my boyfriend has a lot of interests other than his major, that we can appreciate together.

Also realized he comes from a much more well off family than I do and that was also intimidating me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

Since he's smarter than you, you should trust his judgment about picking mates. He's probably thought it through logically and chosen the best attributes.

[Anonymous]

I think it works better when two people studied different things, have different careers and aren't in competition with each other. I'm smart in certain areas but love dating smart guys who are good at what I'm not - IT or the hard sciences. A mechanical engineer from MIT is pretty much my dream guy as long as he has at least some street smarts and can communicate.

[Anonymous]

As long as he is not a jerk about it, marrying a man who is smarter than you is the perfect scenario.

DCUM is filled to the brim with threads started by women who are unhappy with their SOs smarts/education/career/etc. Be thankful you have a man you are capable of respecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

Since he's smarter than you, you should trust his judgment about picking mates. He's probably thought it through logically and chosen the best attributes.

This.

I'm married to an MIT guy and when we first started dating I was so confused by how sure he was. But, he has analyzed the whole relationship and played it forward and he just knew. And he was right.

(I can hold my own with him -- and also learn a lot from him -- but some of his PhD MIT friends absolutely terrify me.)

[Anonymous]

(also, what he liked about me was non technical -- my ability to be curious about humans, and also life force. These guys sometimes want someone very alive and human to balance them out.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(also, what he liked about me was non technical -- my ability to be curious about humans, and also life force. These guys sometimes want someone very alive and human to balance them out.)

I get what you are trying to say, but your phrasing is awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also, what he liked about me was non technical -- my ability to be curious about humans, and also life force. These guys sometimes want someone very alive and human to balance them out.)

I get what you are trying to say, but your phrasing is awkward.

Who cares if the phrasing is awkward (which I didn't find it to be), as long as the poster got their point across?