I'm intimidated by my new boyfriend's smarts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

What advice.
All you know is he is book smart and studied a lot.

Is he street smart? Does he read books and newspapers? Did he enjoy MIT? Does he have common sense? Is he on the autism spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with other posters- your degree/alma mater is not everything.

Also, I don’t know how old you are, but the college you were able to get into at 18 is not necessarily reflective of your intelligence now. I know people who are life long learners who continue to grow, & others who haven’t picked up a book since they left school…so once you are in your mid 30s, it kind of depends more on your natural intelligence/curiosity rather than where you graduated from 10 yrs ago.

On a similar vein, I’m come to prefer well-rounded smart people, not one trick pony ones with only 1-2 hyper interests (usually academic in nature).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*By manual labor, I mean that research consists of repetitive tasks that don’t really require high IQ.

I’d assume the opposite of fast paced or multitasking or group work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

Sounds like you have problems and issues with anyone from a top school.

Get over it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Grab him!!

Curious why you would say or encourage that? NP here. I know many "successful" MIT, CalTech and Stanford grads. They have all started their own businesses, and women in general (men do not seem to care) perceive them to be rich. I am wondering about your statement, because not one of them, that I know personally, is rich. They all live in decent houses, but their wives literally have to do everything for them, because they are book smart, but have no common sense. The wives literally run heir businesses, behind the scenes, and the wives are the common sense and the workhorses of the couple. I don't think you would last a minute, with the lack of communication skills, lack of common sense, and ASD that is often found in a certain population. My representative sample is more than sufficient for me to make my own judgments.

There seems to be so much naivete pertaining to this topic. As a part time boyfriend he may be fine, but as a full time spouse you will undoubtedly find challenges (some tremendous) you have yet to predict, OP.

You are delusional if you think their wives are smarter than their husbands and run their businesses.

[Anonymous]

Whoever graduates with an engineering degree from MIT is smart and intelligent. Stop deluding yourself into thinking otherwise. Many of you ’artsy’ people may very well have your own strengths, but you are being delusional if you think you can match their intelligence.

[Anonymous]

I’d take an above average IQ person with common sense over a high IQ person at home or at work anyday.

The amount of life skills scaffolding a “high IQ savant” needs on the homefront- and abuse those around them take- is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

I have dated a man who was smarter than I (I have a MS but he is a dean), but he lacked good communication and was a tad self-centered. No one is good at everything and there are different kinds of smarts--book smarts, street smarts, being intuitive. I am sure you are better at some things than he is.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I’m jealous!

[Anonymous]

Earning a PhD is more of a testament to endurance than intelligence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Earning a PhD is more of a testament to endurance than intelligence

It’s a way to avoid the real world for all of your 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MIT grad here. Most MIT folks I know are smart, but also realize there are a lot of different ways to be smart, and therefore aren’t snobby about it. Especially since most people who go to MIT get there and realize they aren’t the smartest person in the room. There are some prestigious schools where this mindset isn’t common, however.

Another thing to not let it worry you is that you’ve been dating for a while and only just found this out. If he thought it was a a big deal, he would have mentioned it early on!

I would recommend against bragging about him to friends and family - he might feel differently about it - but I hate it when my husband brings up my educational background in situations that aren’t relevant, which are 99.9% of all social situations.

Aww he’s proud of you!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't overthink it. You have qualities that attract him, so just be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding? Grab him!!

Curious why you would say or encourage that? NP here. I know many "successful" MIT, CalTech and Stanford grads. They have all started their own businesses, and women in general (men do not seem to care) perceive them to be rich. I am wondering about your statement, because not one of them, that I know personally, is rich. They all live in decent houses, but their wives literally have to do everything for them, because they are book smart, but have no common sense. The wives literally run heir businesses, behind the scenes, and the wives are the common sense and the workhorses of the couple. I don't think you would last a minute, with the lack of communication skills, lack of common sense, and ASD that is often found in a certain population. My representative sample is more than sufficient for me to make my own judgments.

There seems to be so much naivete pertaining to this topic. As a part time boyfriend he may be fine, but as a full time spouse you will undoubtedly find challenges (some tremendous) you have yet to predict, OP.

You are delusional if you think their wives are smarter than their husbands and run their businesses.

PP here. We obviously do not know the same people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year I dated a PhD astrophysicist Cambridge grad, polyglot (5 languages) and Mensa member. I was a single mom with a state school humanities Bachelors and had been a SAHM for many years. He said I was the most sophisticated woman he'd ever dated and often said things about how I was out of his league. I'm not sure if it was his own insecurity or not, there were some signs of that (why did he need to be in Mensa, for example?) We met on an app and started off chatting about books and music - I was an advanced classical pianist and had read more literature than him, which he admired. He thought I was gorgeous and had a fantastic body. I was intimidated because his previous girlfriends were a doctor and a vet. But he said at least that I was more interesting and not "basic". Whatever that means.

It didn't work out and in hindsight I found him both snobbish and insecure, maybe they go together?

Forgot to say that in hindsight I also thought he was a moron, in terms of relationships, communication and EQ. A PhD and prestigious job only gets you so far in life.

Did you post about him a lot? Sounds familiar.