I'm intimidated by my new boyfriend's smarts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't overthink it. You have qualities that attract him, so just be you.

+1

PP who knows several people from certain schools here, including the one you mentioned, OP. What people don't realize is not everyone wants the "boring type" - if you are smart (including street smarts and common sense), interesting and have much to offer, then you will make a great couple. If you are a boring person from a boring background, who comes across as boring, well - like attracts like. Those I know from certain schools really are not well, boring - as some people may think. They are married to educated women.

Not all graduates from those particular schools are high earning, OP - so if that is what is important to you, you might need to rethink matters. Many of those I know, married into the wives' rich families. Which is fine, but money should not be your goal.

Not exactly sure wher eyou might be hung up on the subject? Do you not have your own accomplishments, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year I dated a PhD astrophysicist Cambridge grad, polyglot (5 languages) and Mensa member. I was a single mom with a state school humanities Bachelors and had been a SAHM for many years. He said I was the most sophisticated woman he'd ever dated and often said things about how I was out of his league. I'm not sure if it was his own insecurity or not, there were some signs of that (why did he need to be in Mensa, for example?) We met on an app and started off chatting about books and music - I was an advanced classical pianist and had read more literature than him, which he admired. He thought I was gorgeous and had a fantastic body. I was intimidated because his previous girlfriends were a doctor and a vet. But he said at least that I was more interesting and not "basic". Whatever that means.

It didn't work out and in hindsight I found him both snobbish and insecure, maybe they go together?

Forgot to say that in hindsight I also thought he was a moron, in terms of relationships, communication and EQ. A PhD and prestigious job only gets you so far in life.

Did you post about him a lot? Sounds familiar.

+1

DP here. This story does sound familiar.

It is well known that most people that are highest IQ are really not strong in EQ or common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is certainly smarter than me in math and logic games. No question. But he will readily admit I have a far greater ability to emotionally connect with people, a better memory and artistic gifts he simply doesn’t possess.

It evens out.

Same with us. And DH knows it and values it, which I think is really important. I heard him telling our kid to come ask me about something the other day “because she knows this stuff so much better than I do.” I do the same. We complement each other.

I also know that DH thinks I am much smarter than I think I am. I tell him that everyone has a blind spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last year I dated a PhD astrophysicist Cambridge grad, polyglot (5 languages) and Mensa member. I was a single mom with a state school humanities Bachelors and had been a SAHM for many years. He said I was the most sophisticated woman he'd ever dated and often said things about how I was out of his league. I'm not sure if it was his own insecurity or not, there were some signs of that (why did he need to be in Mensa, for example?) We met on an app and started off chatting about books and music - I was an advanced classical pianist and had read more literature than him, which he admired. He thought I was gorgeous and had a fantastic body. I was intimidated because his previous girlfriends were a doctor and a vet. But he said at least that I was more interesting and not "basic". Whatever that means.

It didn't work out and in hindsight I found him both snobbish and insecure, maybe they go together?

Forgot to say that in hindsight I also thought he was a moron, in terms of relationships, communication and EQ. A PhD and prestigious job only gets you so far in life.

Did you post about him a lot? Sounds familiar.

+1

DP here. This story does sound familiar.

It is well known that most people that are highest IQ are really not strong in EQ or common sense.

Sometimes I think that there may be just 5 or 6 of us posting about our crappy husbands and exes ad nauseam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all, for talking me down. The information just really threw me for a loop and I couldn't find my way towards processing it. I appreciate all your perspectives.

You couldn't find your way towards processing this information? It feels like you might need to work on your self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all, for talking me down. The information just really threw me for a loop and I couldn't find my way towards processing it. I appreciate all your perspectives.

You couldn't find your way towards processing this information? It feels like you might need to work on your self-esteem.

This is maybe a little harsh, but basically you're an adult so the best thing you can do is not give a eff? Especially with things like schools FFS. One of the best decisions of my life was going to a lower ranked school than the "best" I got into and graduating with no debt that allowed me to weather the 2008 recession. You cope and you move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all, for talking me down. The information just really threw me for a loop and I couldn't find my way towards processing it. I appreciate all your perspectives.

You couldn't find your way towards processing this information? It feels like you might need to work on your self-esteem.

This is maybe a little harsh, but basically you're an adult so the best thing you can do is not give a eff? Especially with things like schools FFS. One of the best decisions of my life was going to a lower ranked school than the "best" I got into and graduating with no debt that allowed me to weather the 2008 recession. You cope and you move on.

I will add...unless he's called you out as dumb (abusive tendencies) this should be a total non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

I assume he was the one that asked you out and approached you or hit on you

[Anonymous]

DH and I met in grad school, his area of study was more sophisticated than mine and his career has far surpassed mine. Yet, he cannot find the ketchup in the refrigerator door nor has he been able to adapt to the holiday recycling schedule and get the bin out on time.

Strengths and weaknesses, OP, strengths and weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

I assume he was the one that asked you out and hit on you or pursued you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in grad school, his area of study was more sophisticated than mine and his career has far surpassed mine. Yet, he cannot find the ketchup in the refrigerator door nor has he been able to adapt to the holiday recycling schedule and get the bin out on time.

Strengths and weaknesses, OP, strengths and weaknesses.

That's just him being lazy and training you very well

[Anonymous]

My husband is an electrical engineer. So yeah, he knows more about high-level math than I do. He also happens to know more about history and sports than I do, because he's interested in those topics. So what? You need to either get over your insecurities or break up with him. It's not his fault he went to MIT. It means he's very good at certain things. It doesn't make him smarter than everyone about everything. I'm sure there are things you know more about. But again, if this is an issue for you, just break up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not express your insecurities out loud. It can come across wrong (you don't know your own worth, you are overly impressed by his degree, etc.).

There are different ways to be smart. Some call them "intelligences". For example, emotional intelligence.

A lot of what gets (mainly men) into professions like Engineering is early strength in math which leads to high SAT scores and high grades in quantitative subjects.

The only person I know from MIT is super humble and approachable.

It can also be annoying to be in a relationship with someone who is super smart and therefore thinks they are right all the time. Maybe they even are right all the time, but it still gets on the other person's nerves. I have seen this dynamic play out many times with couples I know. Your situation may be a comfortable situation for your boyfriend, with no disrespect meant re: your intellectual skills. Good conversation without constant debating, for example...

I would also include street smarts and common sense. Some very brilliant people can't manage certain social situations or plan an event, for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to MIT. Most of the guys were really nice, humble. There were only a few that were super cocky because they thought of themselves as hot. Or a few that I think were doing roids on the football team. Most of them have married women not from MIT.

MIT has a football team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We only started dating at the beginning of November, and between holidays, family, travel, etc., haven't gotten to spend much time together. I just found out he's got a mechanical engineering degree from MIT. I ... have a bachelors degree from a middle of the road college, in a more simple major. I'm not stupid, but not on his level. This is really throwing my confidence. Advice?

You must be trolling us. I am an ME and unless you and your BF talk about engines/heat transfers/fluid mechanics 24/7, i don't see how his "smartness" comes thru. Engineers, unless they discuss their field, sound as dumb as anyone.