DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

I don't think the "pressure cooker" level at some of these schools are much different from Columbia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she needs to attend a full 2 years before thinking about transferring. There is no way DD should find her Father's "no" unacceptable when it was she who picked the school. Every decision has consequences. Too bad. She has to live with hers.

You sound like someone whose estranged children will go to expensive therapy in the future.

[Anonymous]

I’d push for Cornell. They have a lot of kids who transfer in as sophomores, so they’re set up for it in terms of welcoming them into the fold. Yes, it’s in a small town, but it’s a huge school with sports, Greek life and tons of clubs. And it has the academic intensity that she can do well in. I think it’s an option that can meet everyone’s needs.

If nothing else, I’d look into counseling for your daughter. Her mental health is key, and clearly she needs some support with whatever decision she decides to make. There’s no guarantee that all of her issues will be resolved with a change of scenery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

I don't think the "pressure cooker" level at some of these schools are much different from Columbia.

Vanderbilt is in no way a pressure cooker, but it is the one southern school, and so there could be quite a culture shock. I say that as someone who transferred there. I would have her consider the cities as well as the colleges. Chicago is great but is a major city, and she might like a smaller college down like Ann Arbor which is once again, not a pressure cooker but a big sports school.

[Anonymous]

So, this was 30 years ago (longer than that if I sit down to do the math), but I was a miserable freshman at an ivy. I came from a small town and a smaller public high school and it felt stressful and overwhelming. I desperately wanted to transfer and applied to transfer that fall—admittedly to other ivies. But I also stuck out the year in the meantime. By the time my acceptance to one of my transfers came, I’d made friends, was happy, and decided to stay. Compromise for family should be for her to settle on a few transfer schools and apply. No one says you have to take the acceptance of it comes. She’s barely been there. I was grateful my parents (who were not $$) trusted me when I wanted to transfer. I was also glad I ended up staying. It was a great school for me. It opened many doors and I had many wonderful professors and a few (but enough) good friends.

[Anonymous]

I transferred after two years. I absolutely should have earlier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your husband's position is reasonable.

Columbia is a pressure cooker.

Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

Few transfers are accepted at Williams, Brown, & Amherst, but all are very strong in math.

Northwestern & Vanderbilt are very transfer friendly.

Your daughter's list of schools seems to be an over-reaction to the intense pressure that she is experiencing at Columbia University.

https://mathweb.rice.edu/math-major

https://www.collegecatalog.uchicago.edu/thecollege/mathematics/#courseinventory

https://math.northwestern.edu/undergraduate/courses/current-year-courses/

https://as.vanderbilt.edu/math/undergraduate/additional-information/course-descriptions/extended_course_descriptions/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which Ivy? That's important. Literally, had similar issues with DD and DH. It makes a difference if Dartmouth or Cornell (isolated or small town) vs Columbia (NYC) or Harvard (Boston). I am going to guess it is Cornell or UPenn.

I think if it is an isolated Ivy like a Brown, Dartmouth, Cornell, etc., I can see where DD is coming from. In cities, seems like more to do outside of school.

Could also be Princeton where good grades can be tough to come by and has an excellent math program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d push for Cornell. They have a lot of kids who transfer in as sophomores, so they’re set up for it in terms of welcoming them into the fold. Yes, it’s in a small town, but it’s a huge school with sports, Greek life and tons of clubs. And it has the academic intensity that she can do well in. I think it’s an option that can meet everyone’s needs.

If nothing else, I’d look into counseling for your daughter. Her mental health is key, and clearly she needs some support with whatever decision she decides to make. There’s no guarantee that all of her issues will be resolved with a change of scenery.

Most transfers have guaranteed transfer option that was granted contingent on completing first year courses at another school.

[Anonymous]

Michigan is transfer-friendly. It is, however, a very big school. You would need to research whether the math program culture is a fit. Also the dorm situation for sophomores. The surrounding area would definitely be calmer than Columbia.

I really, really like the suggestion to interact more with the Barnard students. That might be helpful. Why not suggest that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d push for Cornell. They have a lot of kids who transfer in as sophomores, so they’re set up for it in terms of welcoming them into the fold. Yes, it’s in a small town, but it’s a huge school with sports, Greek life and tons of clubs. And it has the academic intensity that she can do well in. I think it’s an option that can meet everyone’s needs.

If nothing else, I’d look into counseling for your daughter. Her mental health is key, and clearly she needs some support with whatever decision she decides to make. There’s no guarantee that all of her issues will be resolved with a change of scenery.

Absolutely this. Please get her support wherever she lands. My mental health issues came to a head freshman year in the form of being miserable at school. I would have had a happier life in my 20s and 30s if I got more help earlier and didn’t white knuckle through the those years. She’s a smart woman and will land on her feet. Make sure she has mental health support.

[Anonymous]

Cornell is a very high pressure environment and weather is worse. Transferring there seems like a mistake.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that it's possible that things could get a lot better for OP's kid at her current school. It's not uncommon for a kid to have a rough first semester/year and then find their place their sophomore year. That said, misery is misery, and transferring may be best for her mental well being.

UMB would be my top draft pick, but here are some other schools that bridge both prestige and a more laid-back environment:
(1) UCLA: It's got a top 10 math department as well as this generation's greatest mathematician. It generally has a more laidback vibe but is also a fun school with great school spirit and generally happy students. The campus is its own large island within LA, but, if you need the advantages of urbanity, they are close at hand.
(2) Duke/Dartmouth/Vanderbilt: Of all the other T20 schools, they seems like the most fun and laidback.
(3) Wesleyan: It seems like the most laidback and fun top LAC, while still having very serious academics. Davidson seems great too. Neither are as rural or isolated as Colgate.
(4) WashU: With the possible exception of its pre-med community, it seems like a friendly, pleasant, and non-competitive place.

*I have no idea about the transfer prospects for any of the foregoing schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the Ivy Troll who keeps posting about either being a miserable student at an Ivy, or being a mother of a miserable student at an Ivy?

+1!!

[Anonymous]

Except ops kid is all over the map with bizarre school choices Florida state ? Come on really?

She is immature some other reason is making her choose those schools