DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

She doesn't like NYC too. It's not just Columbia. This is why it is so misleading to judge the culture and social environment of a school based on a short visit.

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

NYC and Columbia take a while to get used to. Encourage her to give it more time. She can make friends with some of the Barnard women perhaps. She can even take a few classes at Barnard.

[Anonymous]

You can usually only transfer to start your junior year.

I can understand Columbia being intense and the city being stressful. However, other schools like Berkeley and Chicago and MIT on the list are also known for the same.

I feel transferring to a much lower ranked school is not the answer, but to apply to other comparable schools that are less intense, perhaps Brown, Northwestern, Pomona, Princeton, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn't like NYC too. It's not just Columbia. This is why it is so misleading to judge the culture and social environment of a school based on a short visit.

It could be this.
The problem may not be a highly ranked academic school. It may just be Columbia/NYC is not her cup of tea. I went to an Ivy in an urban area which I generally liked, but I absolutely hated Columbia. Hated it when I visited a friend back during college, still hated it when we toured it for DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is genuine and the list of schools her daughter is looking at is also genuine, then I have to wonder how the girl ended up at Columbia in the first place. Looks like she just wants easy classes and to party every weekend. And why is Colgate on it?

Her problem is math. It's an intense major. And attracts specific kinds of students. Suggest to daughter that she change majors to something less stressful.

If still wanting to transfer, consider Penn. It will be more laid back, more preprofessional and enjoying weekend parties and less philosophical.

Maybe she just went for prestige and not for fit.

[Anonymous]

Michigan or Brown. Also realize that if your DH will be like this, your kid will not come home again.

[Anonymous]

OP has basically outed herself and daughter. First-year female math major at Columbia from the DC area (assuming all true) is a lot of identifying detail.

[Anonymous]

I was a math major at an Ivy and I don't think it's an intense major the way that biology or neuroscience (or other majors that attract premeds) are. Pure math is very theoretical and students tend to support one another. Applied math can be a bit more cut throat. After freshman year your daughter will have been through the worst of Columbia's core curriculum, right? That alone might make it better. I would encourage her to stick it out. My guess is that with time she will get used to the city and find her people. But I'm pretty anti-transfer unless there are extenuating circumstances.

I am also with your husband in that I wouldn't pay full tuition for a lot of the schools on your kids transfer list.

[Anonymous]

The city of Berkeley is no walk in the park. If she doesn't like NY, this is worse, and it's super hard to find housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encourage her to transfer. Her mental health is worth more than some perceived prestige. Way too many kids commit suicide over less.

Agree.

I had a miserable 1st year at a small liberal arts college.

Transferred sophomore year to the big state university. Had an amazing time, learned a lot, met my husband and have had a really nice life.

If I had stayed at the liberal arts college or if I had been forced to go to a community college by my parents, I would probably had dropped out of school and led a much different life.

[Anonymous]

I had a child transfer to one of the schools on that list. That school had ZERO housing for transfers. Had to get a room in an apartment off campus. It was very difficult socially. Just something to think about. Your kid needs to know that they really need to try to join clubs, frat/srat, etc to make connections.

[Anonymous]

I would also add to try and really understand what it that makes the current situation so terrible. It might not change with a new school, Counseling may be required.

[Anonymous]

OP: Your husband's position is reasonable.

Columbia is a pressure cooker.

Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

Few transfers are accepted at Williams, Brown, & Amherst, but all are very strong in math.

Northwestern & Vanderbilt are very transfer friendly.

Your daughter's list of schools seems to be an over-reaction to the intense pressure that she is experiencing at Columbia University.

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

Sad. Just so sad...

[Anonymous]

Ruling out UMD makes no sense to me. There are many high stats and motivated students there, many on scholarship and paying a fraction of what you are for Columbia.

Forcing her to attend a school she dislikes for reputation is horrible.