DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

My kid goes to UMiami and while we love it I could not recommend it to a math major at all. Like, never.

[Anonymous]

Avoid Cornell. Lots of pressure & lots of SAD related depression.

Suggesting Cornell is very poor advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid goes to UMiami and while we love it I could not recommend it to a math major at all. Like, never.

Not true. U Miami needs someone with talent to manage the football scoreboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:She agreed to complete year at current school. She was very honest about what she was looking for-schools for which she perceived the student body as less intense/academically focused and the classes as easier. She finds others at her school "obsessed with academics" and feels their intensity hurts her mental health.

It's reasonable to look for a different social environment, but I would not encourage easier classes for a math major. Perhaps more supportive, but not less rigorous. Especially as a woman in a very male field, her goal should be to be as well-educated and prepared as possible. Otherwise she will struggle later.

Why is she studying math? And why did she pick the school she picked? It's fine to revisit decisions, but it's worth remembering why you made them.

Does she qant to work as a math teacher? Any decent college will do.

Does she want to work on rockets? That might yield a different answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that easy to transfer sophomore year

Have her come home community college then reapply

Her list is garbage honestly penn state Florida state to Colgate WTH? Who made that list ?

I agree with DH she stays or community college then she pays school of her choice

It’s not because her current school is an ivy that I agree with him it’s because she’s immature clearly from her list and should not be a four year school

She’s immature not college ready

it is the easiest year to transfer and she would certainly gain admission to any of the schools on her list given grades and where she is applying from.

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Columbia students who want to ignore the city and its pressure can so so relatively easily. If she nevertheless has city stress, she may have other issues going on. Columbia is a tough place. I would suggest RUCE. Or get out of math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Your husband's position is reasonable.

Columbia is a pressure cooker.

Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

Few transfers are accepted at Williams, Brown, & Amherst, but all are very strong in math.

Northwestern & Vanderbilt are very transfer friendly.

Your daughter's list of schools seems to be an over-reaction to the intense pressure that she is experiencing at Columbia University.

Northwestern is on the quarter system. If she thinks Columbia is too intense, the quarter system at any school will be mind frazzling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cornell is a very high pressure environment and weather is worse. Transferring there seems like a mistake.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Avoid Cornell. Lots of pressure & lots of SAD related depression.

Suggesting Cornell is very poor advice.

What are you basing it on? My kid is a sophomore there and doing well. She has many friends who seem well-adjusted.

[Anonymous]

He sounds so selfish. Status conscious and transactional.

Perhaps they could have online sessions with a mediator. Be strong and tell him your daughter deserves a voice in this decision . That her mental health is at stake, and he can’t use his wallet to bully the whole family.

Do your job as a mom.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the entire thread, but last year UMD math placed 4th in Putnam Math Competion. Columbia had one student place in top 100, UMD had 3. Only sharing this because it might help open husband's mind.

https://maa.org/sites/default/files/pdf/Putnam/2022/AnnouncementOfWinnersFall2022.docx%20%281%29.pdf

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you have a college transfer problem so much as you have a husband problem.

[Anonymous]

She's probably going to find intense students anywhere if she is majoring in math. IS DH prepared to support her Ivy degree in a different major?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a math major at an Ivy and I don't think it's an intense major the way that biology or neuroscience (or other majors that attract premeds) are. Pure math is very theoretical and students tend to support one another. Applied math can be a bit more cut throat. After freshman year your daughter will have been through the worst of Columbia's core curriculum, right? That alone might make it better. I would encourage her to stick it out. My guess is that with time she will get used to the city and find her people. But I'm pretty anti-transfer unless there are extenuating circumstances.

I am also with your husband in that I wouldn't pay full tuition for a lot of the schools on your kids transfer list.

I went to an Ivy and was a science major and I agree with all of this. I was miserable freshman fall. Crying to my parents sad. Adjusting to being away, feeling mediocre after being at the top of my HS class, living with roommates, it's all a lot. Agree with PP that this timing of feeling that way is common.

I am glad I stuck it out - I was happy soph year onward and loved it by senior year. I found my groove of friends, clubs, an advisor in my major, taking classes outside my major, smaller seminars etc. I had none of that frosh fall.

Also the DH is not crazy for not agreeing to pay full tuition for a totally incoherent list of schools. Mine would not have paid $$ everywhere. They would have said I could go to my state flagship instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read the entire thread, but last year UMD math placed 4th in Putnam Math Competion. Columbia had one student place in top 100, UMD had 3. Only sharing this because it might help open husband's mind.

https://maa.org/sites/default/files/pdf/Putnam/2022/AnnouncementOfWinnersFall2022.docx%20%281%29.pdf

I don't know what this competition is or who and how many schools enter...but MIT just blows the doors off of everyone if you look at the individual scores.

I mean 21 of the top 25 are MIT. The Honorable Mentions are 90% MIT as well.