Venting about DH who says consequences are upsetting teen son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We gen x ers are doing too much for our kids. I am paying the price for that with my two college age sons. You should not be making lunches and if you son is eating out every day he should pay with his own money for it. And I am calling foul on your husband - depression can be cured by mommy packing a lunch?

Speak for yourself. Some of us gen xers are having none of that.

[Anonymous]

I’m not judging you for making your son’s lunch, so don’t take this as a criticism. This is how I transitioned my kids to making their own lunches (they were expected to do this around 6th grade in our house). This may be too babyish for a high schooler, but it taught my kids how to do this as a matter of routine. 1) announce they will be making their lunches going forward; 2) sit down and brainstorm ideas for what they like and what they can pack and make a list of options (proteins, fruit, veggie, salty snack and sweet treat) 3) take the kids grocery shopping with the list the first few weeks and have them pick out the food (my kids liked this a lot) 4) write a checklist to keep in the kitchen to remind them to pack a protein, fruit, etc. 5) Intially I prepped the food for them (cut carrots, cucumbers, etc. 6) supervise the lunch packing the first few weeks. My kids really took agency and enjoyed this process. Your son may actually eat the lunch if he is putting things he likes in it. My son doesn’t like fruit so much, so he would skip that part and take two veggies instead. No more throwing cut fruit away! Also, I always happily make them their lunch if they ask because they are running late, feeling frazzled or whatever. They don’t ask often.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to pack your teen’s lunch- at any age. This isn’t some “life skill” that needs to be practiced and honed. It’s simply an act of parental love that allows your child more sleep in the morning. I pack my spouse’s lunch too- not because he is incapable, but because I can and have the time to do it. It is simply doing something nice and helpful for someone.

That said, if your son isn’t eating it- that is a separate issue. There is no point in packing it, just for him to eat out. In this case, it is totally appropriate to tell him since his lunch preferences are inconsistent, he needs to take over the arrangements of his lunches (whether that is packing or buying). If the going out to lunch thing is spontaneous, then the best solution seems to be to bring money to buy at school since he doesn’t know ahead of time if he is going out or not