I think my child has a personality disorder and it’s getting worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the therapists I know are enablers. It's just too easy to get money to repeat back what someone wants to hear. There are no measurements for improvement and just basically therapy doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

Sadly, I've seen this too. You tell them the people in your life are horrible and at fault for everything, you give them your one-sided perspective, and they repeat this back to you. TBH I don't know how a therapist would get the other side. Still, it's not helpful to the patient.

[Anonymous]

There need to be measurements. Actual brain changes,health improvements, or actual improvements on a goal to get money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this type of personality is often a result of at least one parent being very inconsistent in their parenting style, especially including giving and withholding love and attention, so that the child is always uncertain and confused as to what they have to do or not do, say or not say, to get the parent's approval and love. It also involves them walking on eggshells all the time trying not to inflame the confusing parent. Would this be anything like the parenting your daughter got from her mother? If so, the results are very long lasting, possibly permanent, and very difficult to correct even with great therapy and full compliance with the therapists treatment.

You're talking about the classic explanation for insecure attachment, which is believed to lead to narcissistic personality disorders. I think the current generation of teens/young adults has been trained to believe that their parents' job is to make them happy and that if they are not happy, then their parents are defective. It's not unusual for therapists and advice columnists to advise young adults to cut off contact if they feel discomfort around their parents. Read The Coddling of the American Mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son has narcissistic tendencies too and I just try to knock him down a leg or three and point out when he’s being a d@uche. I’m not sure what the answer is, just here to commiserate.

Probably not what will help him..but it makes you feel better.

Are you like him at all?

[Anonymous]

Hmm, you’ve armchair diagnosed DD and ex-DW, but you’re a paragon of mental health and have no share of the problems here? Hmmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a narcissist.

OP here. This is actually what I think, too. It's hard.

I agree, she sounds like my sister who I also believe is a narcissist (I say believe because she would never go to a therapist since nothing is wrong with her). Sorry you are dealing with this OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no cure for a personality disorder. They will always be the victim and therapy won't help. You maintain a relationship by keeping your distance. Her dumpster fire of a life isn't your problem.

+100

As painful as it is, OP, you need to distance yourself from your child ASAP. I know it’s difficult — but it’s necessary to keep your own peace.

-BTDT (my oldest has both BPD and NPD)

+1,000,000. It cannot be repeated enough: by definition, a personality disorder is a problem you cannot fix. And if you reinforce the dysfunction by doing what innumerable parents of damaged/dysfunctional and/or severely disabled children do which is to make the damaged/dysfunctional child your focus and value whatever crumbs you get from her over the authentic connection you have with your healthy daughter, you will damage the latter too. So buck the trend: put your energy into your relationship with your healthy daughter.

100 percent agree. I’m the poster with a narcissistic sister. My mom started listening to her absurd complaints about me and blaming me. I no longer speak to my sister and my relationship with my mom will never be the same. We’re in our 40s.

[Anonymous]

Wow, considering how you talk about your own daughter, I think I would be quite guarded around you, as well. It sounds like she can do nothing right in your eyes, OP. Do you have anything positive to say about this child? Kids ingrain your thinking about them. They know when a parent doesn't like them, and sees them through a negative lens. She may be trying to go no contact. There are videos on YouTube about how and why adult children do it.

[Anonymous]

Thread from 2023

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter what's the diagnosis, its a mental health issue. Your kid is suffering emotionally and its effecting her current familial and social bonds and her future as well.

Its eating you up, thinking you or her mom are responsible, feeling rejected and disrespected, not knowing how to help.

First of all, you yourself need therapy to learn how to help yourself and how to handle interactions with her with love and tact. Think of her as a tantrum throwing toddler who doesn't know how to handle her emotions. She needs tender care.

If there is a person in her life, an aunt, uncle, grandma, cousin or coach or anyone who can talk to her in a non preachy way. May be they can convince her to see a competent psychiatrist not rely on random therapists.

This tender care/ baby gloves 24/7 thing is exhausting. And results are usually the same: defiance.

[Anonymous]

Ask her if she will attend dbt WITH you. Because you, op, need help and want to learn how to be a better parent (not really but) and dbt offers classes for both parties in the relationship. Www. Instep.com

Read about dbt, developed by a therapist with Bpd. Marsha Linehan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the therapists I know are enablers. It's just too easy to get money to repeat back what someone wants to hear. There are no measurements for improvement and just basically therapy doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

Sadly, I've seen this too. You tell them the people in your life are horrible and at fault for everything, you give them your one-sided perspective, and they repeat this back to you. TBH I don't know how a therapist would get the other side. Still, it's not helpful to the patient.

I see this with my friend who is in therapy. She has NO self awareness about herself. They focus on the acts of her spouse. So she has a TON of language around the other persons behavior.

I feel like shaking her. I have seen her be so degrading to her spouse. If she is falling about in therapy Id be surprised

[Anonymous]

* talking about it * in therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, considering how you talk about your own daughter, I think I would be quite guarded around you, as well. It sounds like she can do nothing right in your eyes, OP. Do you have anything positive to say about this child? Kids ingrain your thinking about them. They know when a parent doesn't like them, and sees them through a negative lens. She may be trying to go no contact. There are videos on YouTube about how and why adult children do it.

I understand and see it from dads side. But you also sound judgmental, Dad. try to stay out of the way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the therapists I know are enablers. It's just too easy to get money to repeat back what someone wants to hear. There are no measurements for improvement and just basically therapy doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

Sadly, I've seen this too. You tell them the people in your life are horrible and at fault for everything, you give them your one-sided perspective, and they repeat this back to you. TBH I don't know how a therapist would get the other side. Still, it's not helpful to the patient.

We sent in the neuropsych results to a specialist therapist and she did weekly with the asd/bipolar II patient and every third time did it as a joint session with a family member.

The monthly or so joint session was for accountability sake and so the PhD psychologist could gauge progress, lying, omitting, etc patterns.

We’d also use the joint session to unpeel together any “episodes” or tantrums that recently happened. Or to go over the new habits or baby steps the patient was supposed to be working on (eg. Daily greetings to family members, reading personal emails once a week, doing one group activity a week, etc.).