DD heard listening to explicit music

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

Context is everything. I sincerely doubt that OP's child fits into the category of 'teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods'. Highly doubtful there is anyone here that fits that description.

As far as I can tell, there is no correlation between music that is consumed, and drug use/violence, regardless of where one lives. As someone that did in fact grow up in a rough neighborhood (not in DC), and had friends that grew up under similar circumstances, it wasn't music choice that set apart those that made the right and wrong choices. We all pretty much listened to the same stuff.

I will counter your lived experience with mine:

A relative lived in an apartment community in Silver Spring and his parents had gone through a nasty split when he was in about 5th grade. This led to resent and anger issues as he blamed himself for the split and was put in the middle of spats between his mother and father. Then, as he struggled with the emotional turmoil of his parents split, he was desperate for friends and connection, so he sought the attention and friendship of kids in middle school who weren't really nice. They acted like his friends but then mocked him behind his back and betrayed. This led to more anger and trust issues. This crowd listened to trap music, smoked and sold weed and basically mimicked the lifestyle, values, language and morals of NBA Youngboy, who became my relative's idol. Things got really bad and he ended up getting into beefs with other boys in these circles to the point where he got a ghost gun to defend himself.

So yeah. You might say for you and your friends that the music didn't lead to violence or lifestyle changes, but that's not the lived experience of everyone else. This music IS contributing to juvenile crime spree we're seeing. You can deny it if you want, but it's true.

I didn't explicitly say it in my post, but the common thread I've seen among these kids, is instability at home. The music might give voice to their feelings, but is not in fact responsible for their actions. As I said, the vast majority of the kids that listen to such music are fine. The small minority that are not, have other things going on in their lives that make them angry, resulting in them acting out. These kids exist all over the world, with or without the music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

Context is everything. I sincerely doubt that OP's child fits into the category of 'teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods'. Highly doubtful there is anyone here that fits that description.

As far as I can tell, there is no correlation between music that is consumed, and drug use/violence, regardless of where one lives. As someone that did in fact grow up in a rough neighborhood (not in DC), and had friends that grew up under similar circumstances, it wasn't music choice that set apart those that made the right and wrong choices. We all pretty much listened to the same stuff.

I will counter your lived experience with mine:

A relative lived in an apartment community in Silver Spring and his parents had gone through a nasty split when he was in about 5th grade. This led to resent and anger issues as he blamed himself for the split and was put in the middle of spats between his mother and father. Then, as he struggled with the emotional turmoil of his parents split, he was desperate for friends and connection, so he sought the attention and friendship of kids in middle school who weren't really nice. They acted like his friends but then mocked him behind his back and betrayed. This led to more anger and trust issues. This crowd listened to trap music, smoked and sold weed and basically mimicked the lifestyle, values, language and morals of NBA Youngboy, who became my relative's idol. Things got really bad and he ended up getting into beefs with other boys in these circles to the point where he got a ghost gun to defend himself.

So yeah. You might say for you and your friends that the music didn't lead to violence or lifestyle changes, but that's not the lived experience of everyone else. This music IS contributing to juvenile crime spree we're seeing. You can deny it if you want, but it's true.

I didn't explicitly say it in my post, but the common thread I've seen among these kids, is instability at home. The music might give voice to their feelings, but is not in fact responsible for their actions. As I said, the vast majority of the kids that listen to such music are fine. The small minority that are not, have other things going on in their lives that make them angry, resulting in them acting out. These kids exist all over the world, with or without the music.

I think you're arguing that the music isn't a causational factor for the violence and crime issues that are being raised. And I would agree. But I do think it's correlational, and it being a correlative factor is enough for us to look at this music with some level of concern and scrutiny. It is not inherently harmless.

It is not a coincidence that Kodak Black had a top ten song, "Super Gremlin," that waxed nostalgic and poetic about car jacking as a way of bonding and building relationships and memories, and now we have a rash of juveniles who think car jacking is what makes them cool and accepted. Again, you can't ignore the obvious connections between music, culture and youth behavior. They influence each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody mentioned any of the hardcore rap. Drill rap that talks about murder and rape and gang violence. That needs to be censored until they are older.

These are Cardi B lyerics-

Yeah, you f—ing with some wet a– p—y
Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet a– p—y
Give me everything you got for this wet a– p—y

Beat it up, n—a, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this p—y right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Hop on top, I wanna ride
I do a kegel while it’s inside
Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes
This p—y is wet, come take a dive
Tie me up like I’m surprised
Let’s role play, I wear a disguise
I want you to park that big Mack truck
Right in this little garage
Make it cream, make me scream


I introduced early female and male rappers to my kids in elementary school. TLC, Lil Jon, Outcast, Salt n Peppa.

I’m just happy there is no Taylor Swift in my house.

My 14yr old Spotify Wrapped was Swift, J Cole, Drake, Zach Bryan, and Lil Uzi. She also loves alternative, some grunge, dance music, and old Disney music like Bridget Mendler, Hannah Montana etc... It's hilarious

She likes it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

We are white and allow my kids to listen to it but they can not say the word out loud, even in lyrics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (14) was recently caught blasting some inappropriate music in her room, and he reason why I have a problem with this is not because I think my daughter lacks maturity, but because I don't want her role models for how to be a woman to be "sexy red" talking about their "co*ch*e".

When we gave her a phone in seventh grade, we clearly outlined that we always have access to her phone because we are the ones who bought it/we pay for her plan etc.. But, even though I don't like this music is it a step too far to be censoring the music she listens to? Otherwise she is a very good kid and I want to give her some freedom but the song really rubbed me the wrong way

LOL. Good luck with that. As others said, this is not the hill to die on.

First, she is going to hear that music whether you want her to or not.
But also, you can listen to the music and still believe that female role models are something other than what it is. I listened to a lot of "gangster rap" back in my teens and I wasn't slinging dope or doing any of the things in those songs. It was someone else's story, art, music and I was just the listener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

Context is everything. I sincerely doubt that OP's child fits into the category of 'teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods'. Highly doubtful there is anyone here that fits that description.

As far as I can tell, there is no correlation between music that is consumed, and drug use/violence, regardless of where one lives. As someone that did in fact grow up in a rough neighborhood (not in DC), and had friends that grew up under similar circumstances, it wasn't music choice that set apart those that made the right and wrong choices. We all pretty much listened to the same stuff.

I will counter your lived experience with mine:

A relative lived in an apartment community in Silver Spring and his parents had gone through a nasty split when he was in about 5th grade. This led to resent and anger issues as he blamed himself for the split and was put in the middle of spats between his mother and father. Then, as he struggled with the emotional turmoil of his parents split, he was desperate for friends and connection, so he sought the attention and friendship of kids in middle school who weren't really nice. They acted like his friends but then mocked him behind his back and betrayed. This led to more anger and trust issues. This crowd listened to trap music, smoked and sold weed and basically mimicked the lifestyle, values, language and morals of NBA Youngboy, who became my relative's idol. Things got really bad and he ended up getting into beefs with other boys in these circles to the point where he got a ghost gun to defend himself.

So yeah. You might say for you and your friends that the music didn't lead to violence or lifestyle changes, but that's not the lived experience of everyone else. This music IS contributing to juvenile crime spree we're seeing. You can deny it if you want, but it's true.

Listen grannie, there are many people who listen to this music and who do not live violent lifestyles. This type of music has been around for 30+ years. At least that is how long I've listened to it. And NOW it's contributing to "crime sprees in DC"? I've heard it all now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also come from a very anti-censorship point of view, but I understand the concern. I remember painting my room with my parents in the 90s while listening to Nine Inch Nails singing “I want to f___ you like an animal”. I don’t censor what my 9yr old listens to on his Spotify account. I do use it as a point of discussion and part of an ongoing conversation about sex, feminism, race, drugs, etc.

I also grew up steeped in the sexist derogatory music of the early Beastie Boys and hair metal bands and while I turned out ok, I don’t like that those themes are just part of the “air we breathe” in popular culture. I DO think it impacts my kids’ growing brains negatively and I try to balance it with other messages. Just like we have more kids books with POC, LGBT+ families, and differently abled people depicted - representation matters. I think it’s the same with music and too much of one dominant culture that is counter to your family values is not great.
However, censoring it only makes it more alluring. Keep it in the open. Discuss how it makes them feel. Be open minded.

My 7yr old is obsessed with a song with swear words that I hate. But he doesn’t love it for the swear words - he loves the melody of the chorus! Just ask - don’t assume she’s taking every lyric literally.

What would you do if you found your 9 yo listening to NiN? Would you allow it to continue?

Also, I never thought the beastie boys were that bad. Heck, they rapped:

I want to say a little something that's long overdue
The disrespect to women has got to be through
To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends
I want to offer my love and respect to the end

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody mentioned any of the hardcore rap. Drill rap that talks about murder and rape and gang violence. That needs to be censored until they are older.

These are Cardi B lyerics-

Yeah, you f—ing with some wet a– p—y
Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet a– p—y
Give me everything you got for this wet a– p—y

Beat it up, n—a, catch a charge
Extra large and extra hard
Put this p—y right in your face
Swipe your nose like a credit card
Hop on top, I wanna ride
I do a kegel while it’s inside
Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes
This p—y is wet, come take a dive
Tie me up like I’m surprised
Let’s role play, I wear a disguise
I want you to park that big Mack truck
Right in this little garage
Make it cream, make me scream


I introduced early female and male rappers to my kids in elementary school. TLC, Lil Jon, Outcast, Salt n Peppa.

I’m just happy there is no Taylor Swift in my house.

My 14yr old Spotify Wrapped was Swift, J Cole, Drake, Zach Bryan, and Lil Uzi. She also loves alternative, some grunge, dance music, and old Disney music like Bridget Mendler, Hannah Montana etc... It's hilarious

She likes it all.

You mean she loves all the PG rated music and that’s a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me and my DD14 blasting Lil Tecca, J Cole, Kendrick, Drake, Lil Uzi, etc... and belting out the lyrics when we are in the car together.

I mean really, I listened to 2 Live Crew when I was 14.

It's music. Get over it

So listening to racist rap crap is A-OK?
Sure. Got it.

Can you provide an example of what you consider "racist rap"?

The “n” word isn’t racist enough for you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also come from a very anti-censorship point of view, but I understand the concern. I remember painting my room with my parents in the 90s while listening to Nine Inch Nails singing “I want to f___ you like an animal”. I don’t censor what my 9yr old listens to on his Spotify account. I do use it as a point of discussion and part of an ongoing conversation about sex, feminism, race, drugs, etc.

I also grew up steeped in the sexist derogatory music of the early Beastie Boys and hair metal bands and while I turned out ok, I don’t like that those themes are just part of the “air we breathe” in popular culture. I DO think it impacts my kids’ growing brains negatively and I try to balance it with other messages. Just like we have more kids books with POC, LGBT+ families, and differently abled people depicted - representation matters. I think it’s the same with music and too much of one dominant culture that is counter to your family values is not great.
However, censoring it only makes it more alluring. Keep it in the open. Discuss how it makes them feel. Be open minded.

My 7yr old is obsessed with a song with swear words that I hate. But he doesn’t love it for the swear words - he loves the melody of the chorus! Just ask - don’t assume she’s taking every lyric literally.

What would you do if you found your 9 yo listening to NiN? Would you allow it to continue?

Also, I never thought the beastie boys were that bad. Heck, they rapped:

I want to say a little something that's long overdue
The disrespect to women has got to be through
To all the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends
I want to offer my love and respect to the end

Compare that with the now-defunct NWA lyrics. You cannot even write the actual name of that rap group, it is so racist.

And please do NOT post NWA’s lyrins of this site!! (THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED).

But yeah, sure, whatever; let’s keep celebrating the normalization of thr “n” word.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to turn it down so you don’t have to hear it, or put headphones in.

Other than that, stop being petty. This isn’t the hill to die on. You’ve already said she’s a good kid, let her be.

[Anonymous]

Try WAP. You’ll like that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also come from a very anti-censorship point of view, but I understand the concern. I remember painting my room with my parents in the 90s while listening to Nine Inch Nails singing “I want to f___ you like an animal”. I don’t censor what my 9yr old listens to on his Spotify account. I do use it as a point of discussion and part of an ongoing conversation about sex, feminism, race, drugs, etc.

Ha, that is the one song where I will always change the car radio when my 9 yo is with me.

My 2nd album as an early teenager was janet. That is an excellent, filthy album.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

That’s censoring right there. You’re censoring a lot of rap music. A lot.

Mixed Black and white family here. There is absolutely no "n" word in music or speech allowed in our homes. Same for all of our extended family. The "n" word is not universally ok or "approved" as being ok. We don't have any family or friends who would ever use it or listen to it in music.

There are millions of teens of all races listening to Cardi B, Travis Scott, even Lil Wayne is still popular.

You might as well say you don’t allow rap music or TV shows like Atlanta or Lil Dicky or Insecure or the Chi. These are some good shows but the overkill in the use of the N word must turn some people off. Atlanta especially, if someone counted it being said 30 times in one episode I would not be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Teens have annoyed their parents with music since the beginning of time. Let her listen to what she wants to. She is 14, for Pete's sake. You're treating her like she's still 4. It's long past time to un-clutch your pearls and update your parenting paradigm from 2013 to 2023.