DD heard listening to explicit music

[Anonymous]

I’m a boring middle age mom and we even have a minivan. When DS and I are in the car, it’s always on channel 43. It’s the music from my high school days and hip hop or rap he actually likes. The classics as he calls them. He listens to newer stuff on his own. I’m not censoring music. My parents obviously didn’t either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me and my DD14 blasting Lil Tecca, J Cole, Kendrick, Drake, Lil Uzi, etc... and belting out the lyrics when we are in the car together.

I mean really, I listened to 2 Live Crew when I was 14.

It's music. Get over it

So listening to racist rap crap is A-OK?
Sure. Got it.

Let me guess? You like Try That In A Small Town and other wholesome country music

Let me guess?. You make excuses for teen age carjackers.

[Anonymous]

We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We listened to Little Red Corvette but we thought it was about a car.

Go back and listen to the words to Walk This Way by Aerosmith (and later with Run D.M.C.)

Hint: "put your kitty in the middle of the swing" is not talking about the family cat.

Yeah they had a few interesting ones.

Def Leppard " Pour Some Sugar On Me".

[Anonymous]

My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

That’s censoring right there. You’re censoring a lot of rap music. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

Do you think it’s likely that the OP is from one DC’s “impoverished” neighborhoods?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

That’s censoring right there. You’re censoring a lot of rap music. A lot.

Mixed Black and white family here. There is absolutely no "n" word in music or speech allowed in our homes. Same for all of our extended family. The "n" word is not universally ok or "approved" as being ok. We don't have any family or friends who would ever use it or listen to it in music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

Context is everything. I sincerely doubt that OP's child fits into the category of 'teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods'. Highly doubtful there is anyone here that fits that description.

As far as I can tell, there is no correlation between music that is consumed, and drug use/violence, regardless of where one lives. As someone that did in fact grow up in a rough neighborhood (not in DC), and had friends that grew up under similar circumstances, it wasn't music choice that set apart those that made the right and wrong choices. We all pretty much listened to the same stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t censor; censorship is wrong. But we also do not allow any music with the “n” word or other hate-language.

That’s censoring right there. You’re censoring a lot of rap music. A lot.

Mixed Black and white family here. There is absolutely no "n" word in music or speech allowed in our homes. Same for all of our extended family. The "n" word is not universally ok or "approved" as being ok. We don't have any family or friends who would ever use it or listen to it in music.

We're South Asian. 'n' word usage is not allowed, and I don't have to say anything about it, the kid knows it. She understands that her black friends may use it, black artists may use it, but she cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not me and my DD14 blasting Lil Tecca, J Cole, Kendrick, Drake, Lil Uzi, etc... and belting out the lyrics when we are in the car together.

I mean really, I listened to 2 Live Crew when I was 14.

It's music. Get over it

So listening to racist rap crap is A-OK?
Sure. Got it.

Can you provide an example of what you consider "racist rap"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 42 yo husband is a walking encyclopedia of rap from the 80's till now. He has never disrespected me or any other woman I know. Has never done drugs, hasn't even smoked anything, doesn't own a gun. Can't pin one typically stereotype related to rap music to him.

That’s nice dear.

I am certain teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods view violent, misogynistic rap music through precisely the same lens as your WASPy suburban, college graduate husband.

LOL Exactly. People really can't think outside of their own experience.

For most suburban kids, music CAN be entertainment that is separate from their reality. Assuming they have the maturity and cognitive ability to separate the two. But all it takes is one adverse childhood event and suddenly the lines get blurred, as the child seeks approval and validation from people who copy and paste street culture from the music and media they consume and propel that out into our suburban communities, and boom: You have an explosion of teenage drug users, dealers and carjackers, who follow the tune of the pied-piper of drill and local DMV rappers.

This stuff is all connected. You can't, or rather shouldn't, ignore it.

Context is everything. I sincerely doubt that OP's child fits into the category of 'teens from impoverished DC neighborhoods'. Highly doubtful there is anyone here that fits that description.

As far as I can tell, there is no correlation between music that is consumed, and drug use/violence, regardless of where one lives. As someone that did in fact grow up in a rough neighborhood (not in DC), and had friends that grew up under similar circumstances, it wasn't music choice that set apart those that made the right and wrong choices. We all pretty much listened to the same stuff.

I will counter your lived experience with mine:

A relative lived in an apartment community in Silver Spring and his parents had gone through a nasty split when he was in about 5th grade. This led to resent and anger issues as he blamed himself for the split and was put in the middle of spats between his mother and father. Then, as he struggled with the emotional turmoil of his parents split, he was desperate for friends and connection, so he sought the attention and friendship of kids in middle school who weren't really nice. They acted like his friends but then mocked him behind his back and betrayed. This led to more anger and trust issues. This crowd listened to trap music, smoked and sold weed and basically mimicked the lifestyle, values, language and morals of NBA Youngboy, who became my relative's idol. Things got really bad and he ended up getting into beefs with other boys in these circles to the point where he got a ghost gun to defend himself.

So yeah. You might say for you and your friends that the music didn't lead to violence or lifestyle changes, but that's not the lived experience of everyone else. This music IS contributing to juvenile crime spree we're seeing. You can deny it if you want, but it's true.

[Anonymous]

I also come from a very anti-censorship point of view, but I understand the concern. I remember painting my room with my parents in the 90s while listening to Nine Inch Nails singing “I want to f___ you like an animal”. I don’t censor what my 9yr old listens to on his Spotify account. I do use it as a point of discussion and part of an ongoing conversation about sex, feminism, race, drugs, etc.

I also grew up steeped in the sexist derogatory music of the early Beastie Boys and hair metal bands and while I turned out ok, I don’t like that those themes are just part of the “air we breathe” in popular culture. I DO think it impacts my kids’ growing brains negatively and I try to balance it with other messages. Just like we have more kids books with POC, LGBT+ families, and differently abled people depicted - representation matters. I think it’s the same with music and too much of one dominant culture that is counter to your family values is not great.
However, censoring it only makes it more alluring. Keep it in the open. Discuss how it makes them feel. Be open minded.

My 7yr old is obsessed with a song with swear words that I hate. But he doesn’t love it for the swear words - he loves the melody of the chorus! Just ask - don’t assume she’s taking every lyric literally.