Strange behaviors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP’s responses are explaining perfectly why this woman wants nothing to do with her. Leave her alone and stop gossiping about her (yes, you are gossiping!)

Nosy busy body would not be asking innocuous information, it would be personal information, such as "how many people have you had sex with, when and where?" or "tell me about your family issues" or "tell me about your spending habits" or or similar.

NP but busy bodies are a lot more subtle than that. They won't start by asking your number of sexual partners, but may ask if you're married or at least have a boyfriend. If married, want to know when you're having children, what neighborhood you live in, what activities kids do, your and husband's career, where you go on vacation. If you're single they might starting asking all the time what you did over the weekend and if you're seeing someone new. And of course these can be all be perfectly legitimate questions too. The busybody uses them to build a sort of profile almost like a data analyst. And then they keep prying into things. They might ask leading questions like "is that food allowed on your diet?" when you haven't confirmed you're on a diet. They come to conclusions about your family life, sex life, and spending habits from all their little questions and conversations and fill in the blanks with their own nonsense. They might start sneering "oh, this time you went out with a new guy? What happened to the last one?"

Again, it's tricky, because these are the same questions normal people ask when making friends. The busybody is judgmental over the choices, though, and fishes for more information that can be used to create drama (or maybe invents it). Kind of like the OP who now has "several others" wondering about this secretive person.

Anyway, as to the original question, if someone is that way I would assume they are used to being judged and scrutinized over every little thing and have learned to give the bare minimum of information, even when it doesn't really matter.

+1 There's a difference between prying manipulator and the potential friend. The potential friend will offer information about themselves.

It seems to be contingent on intentions. I would not assume bad intent, if the questions were inoffensive.

I do have a friend that was getting married not too long ago. The friends fiance was nice, but there was a friend of the fiance's that was insufferable - asking personal questions of the bride to be non stop. The bride to be (my friend) is such a nice person, and obviously the fiances friend was being a bully by asking personal questions and being inappropriate. [That, and that guy could not find a woman to save his soul. I think he finally ended up literally bribing someone to marry him.]. Some people are just bullies.

But that is not what is happening here. Whatever the context, asking simple questions is usually seen as normal societal interaction. One has to be fairly antisocial and cynical to assume the worst of people. I can see how it could come across as manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP’s responses are explaining perfectly why this woman wants nothing to do with her. Leave her alone and stop gossiping about her (yes, you are gossiping!)

Nosy busy body would not be asking innocuous information, it would be personal information, such as "how many people have you had sex with, when and where?" or "tell me about your family issues" or "tell me about your spending habits" or or similar.

NP but busy bodies are a lot more subtle than that. They won't start by asking your number of sexual partners, but may ask if you're married or at least have a boyfriend. If married, want to know when you're having children, what neighborhood you live in, what activities kids do, your and husband's career, where you go on vacation. If you're single they might starting asking all the time what you did over the weekend and if you're seeing someone new. And of course these can be all be perfectly legitimate questions too. The busybody uses them to build a sort of profile almost like a data analyst. And then they keep prying into things. They might ask leading questions like "is that food allowed on your diet?" when you haven't confirmed you're on a diet. They come to conclusions about your family life, sex life, and spending habits from all their little questions and conversations and fill in the blanks with their own nonsense. They might start sneering "oh, this time you went out with a new guy? What happened to the last one?"

Again, it's tricky, because these are the same questions normal people ask when making friends. The busybody is judgmental over the choices, though, and fishes for more information that can be used to create drama (or maybe invents it). Kind of like the OP who now has "several others" wondering about this secretive person.

Anyway, as to the original question, if someone is that way I would assume they are used to being judged and scrutinized over every little thing and have learned to give the bare minimum of information, even when it doesn't really matter.

+1 There's a difference between prying manipulator and the potential friend. The potential friend will offer information about themselves.

It seems to be contingent on intentions. I would not assume bad intent, if the questions were inoffensive.

I do have a friend that was getting married not too long ago. The friends fiance was nice, but there was a friend of the fiance's that was insufferable - asking personal questions of the bride to be non stop. The bride to be (my friend) is such a nice person, and obviously the fiances friend was being a bully by asking personal questions and being inappropriate. [That, and that guy could not find a woman to save his soul. I think he finally ended up literally bribing someone to marry him.]. Some people are just bullies.

But that is not what is happening here. Whatever the context, asking simple questions is usually seen as normal societal interaction. One has to be fairly antisocial and cynical to assume the worst of people. I can see how it could come across as manipulative.

(Manipulative not to answer simple and non-intrusive questions.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know someone who is super secretive about really (really) innocuous questions? People who answer "I don't know" to basically any question? Someone that is, to my knowledge, mentally well (ie: not paranoid schizophrenic). That person does not just do that to me, they do it to several other people - and there is no reason, but their being manipulative. The answer would not affect me (or several others, to varying degrees) either way, but after a while, I (and several others, to varying degrees) are wondering what their motive would be in not answering.

Think along the lines of: what is your favorite color? or what meal are you ordering? Suffice to say that whatever is being talked about is a matter of conversation, not anything that can be held against anyone or judged (which maybe the two examples given could be - but, also suffice to say that is the same level of being innocuous.)

Like your other high school friends, they know you are a gossiping b and will turn anything she says in to something horrible. It's called "look at that b over there eating crackers." She knows you take anything she says or does and twist it in to something negative. Get back to studying mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don't like you.

I thought this originally, but then asked around, and this behavior is also shown with others. So no, not just me.

PP again. OMG, just stop!

Well, the situation warrants this person having a baseline ability to interact with other humans. Why so defensive?

You know the problem is you and your mean girl "friends". How old are you?

This is another one of those bizarre posts that have been making their way around this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know someone who is super secretive about really (really) innocuous questions? People who answer "I don't know" to basically any question? Someone that is, to my knowledge, mentally well (ie: not paranoid schizophrenic). That person does not just do that to me, they do it to several other people - and there is no reason, but their being manipulative. The answer would not affect me (or several others, to varying degrees) either way, but after a while, I (and several others, to varying degrees) are wondering what their motive would be in not answering.

Think along the lines of: what is your favorite color? or what meal are you ordering? Suffice to say that whatever is being talked about is a matter of conversation, not anything that can be held against anyone or judged (which maybe the two examples given could be - but, also suffice to say that is the same level of being innocuous.)

Like your other high school friends, they know you are a gossiping b and will turn anything she says in to something horrible. It's called "look at that b over there eating crackers." She knows you take anything she says or does and twist it in to something negative. Get back to studying mean girl.

"So her favorite color is yellow?! She told Brandy it was pink! Do you think that was a dig at my yellow blouse from the other day? She told me I looked good in it! I guess she's saying it made me look FAT! Well I think she's fat! Did you see what she was eating for lunch the other day?! She told everyone she prefers fish, but she ordered a burger! She is so disgusting! It even had cheese on it, ugh."

[Anonymous]

Agree the issue is that OP and others in this circle are catty b's who like to ask seemingly innocuous questions of certain people and then twist it and gossip about it to trash them behind their back.

I worked in a place like this once and here's how you'd figure out what was going on and become *private* about seeming unimportant stuff:

Monday: You have a lighthearted conversation with a colleague about lunch, and tell them about how you're excited about the salad you brought that day because you've been on a big kick with trying out new combos and ingredients.

Tuesday-Wednesday: Colleague eagerly asks about your lunch each day and expresses an interest in your salads, seems enthusiastic.

Thursday: You walk into the kitchen at lunch and colleague is talking to someone else when you walk in but they both become silent when they see you and even though you don't know what they were talking about, you feel weird.

Friday: Someone you barely know stops you in the hallway to say they heard "all about" your salads and wanting to know what "crazy" combo you brought in that day.

Does any of this matter? No. Does it make you feel good? Also no. And that is how you learn to offer non-committal or vague responses to questions, because you don't feel like feeding a rumor mill so active and nasty that people sit around gossiping about what Kate in accounting packed for lunch on Thursday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree the issue is that OP and others in this circle are catty b's who like to ask seemingly innocuous questions of certain people and then twist it and gossip about it to trash them behind their back.

I worked in a place like this once and here's how you'd figure out what was going on and become *private* about seeming unimportant stuff:

Monday: You have a lighthearted conversation with a colleague about lunch, and tell them about how you're excited about the salad you brought that day because you've been on a big kick with trying out new combos and ingredients.

Tuesday-Wednesday: Colleague eagerly asks about your lunch each day and expresses an interest in your salads, seems enthusiastic.

Thursday: You walk into the kitchen at lunch and colleague is talking to someone else when you walk in but they both become silent when they see you and even though you don't know what they were talking about, you feel weird.

Friday: Someone you barely know stops you in the hallway to say they heard "all about" your salads and wanting to know what "crazy" combo you brought in that day.

Does any of this matter? No. Does it make you feel good? Also no. And that is how you learn to offer non-committal or vague responses to questions, because you don't feel like feeding a rumor mill so active and nasty that people sit around gossiping about what Kate in accounting packed for lunch on Thursday.

You do realize that you sound insane, I hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP’s responses are explaining perfectly why this woman wants nothing to do with her. Leave her alone and stop gossiping about her (yes, you are gossiping!)

Nosy busy body would not be asking innocuous information, it would be personal information, such as "how many people have you had sex with, when and where?" or "tell me about your family issues" or "tell me about your spending habits" or or similar.

NP but busy bodies are a lot more subtle than that. They won't start by asking your number of sexual partners, but may ask if you're married or at least have a boyfriend. If married, want to know when you're having children, what neighborhood you live in, what activities kids do, your and husband's career, where you go on vacation. If you're single they might starting asking all the time what you did over the weekend and if you're seeing someone new. And of course these can be all be perfectly legitimate questions too. The busybody uses them to build a sort of profile almost like a data analyst. And then they keep prying into things. They might ask leading questions like "is that food allowed on your diet?" when you haven't confirmed you're on a diet. They come to conclusions about your family life, sex life, and spending habits from all their little questions and conversations and fill in the blanks with their own nonsense. They might start sneering "oh, this time you went out with a new guy? What happened to the last one?"

Again, it's tricky, because these are the same questions normal people ask when making friends. The busybody is judgmental over the choices, though, and fishes for more information that can be used to create drama (or maybe invents it). Kind of like the OP who now has "several others" wondering about this secretive person.

Anyway, as to the original question, if someone is that way I would assume they are used to being judged and scrutinized over every little thing and have learned to give the bare minimum of information, even when it doesn't really matter.

+1 There's a difference between prying manipulator and the potential friend. The potential friend will offer information about themselves.

It seems to be contingent on intentions. I would not assume bad intent, if the questions were inoffensive.

I do have a friend that was getting married not too long ago. The friends fiance was nice, but there was a friend of the fiance's that was insufferable - asking personal questions of the bride to be non stop. The bride to be (my friend) is such a nice person, and obviously the fiances friend was being a bully by asking personal questions and being inappropriate. [That, and that guy could not find a woman to save his soul. I think he finally ended up literally bribing someone to marry him.]. Some people are just bullies.

But that is not what is happening here. Whatever the context, asking simple questions is usually seen as normal societal interaction. One has to be fairly antisocial and cynical to assume the worst of people. I can see how it could come across as manipulative.

(Manipulative not to answer simple and non-intrusive questions.)

PP you're responding to here. Sorry if I wasn't clear, I meant that OP would either be a friend or manipulator based on whether or not she's offering her own info to her coworker or just grilling her coworker. I never meant that the coworker could be a manipulator. Unfortunately, it sounds like OP is the manipulator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree the issue is that OP and others in this circle are catty b's who like to ask seemingly innocuous questions of certain people and then twist it and gossip about it to trash them behind their back.

I worked in a place like this once and here's how you'd figure out what was going on and become *private* about seeming unimportant stuff:

Monday: You have a lighthearted conversation with a colleague about lunch, and tell them about how you're excited about the salad you brought that day because you've been on a big kick with trying out new combos and ingredients.

Tuesday-Wednesday: Colleague eagerly asks about your lunch each day and expresses an interest in your salads, seems enthusiastic.

Thursday: You walk into the kitchen at lunch and colleague is talking to someone else when you walk in but they both become silent when they see you and even though you don't know what they were talking about, you feel weird.

Friday: Someone you barely know stops you in the hallway to say they heard "all about" your salads and wanting to know what "crazy" combo you brought in that day.

Does any of this matter? No. Does it make you feel good? Also no. And that is how you learn to offer non-committal or vague responses to questions, because you don't feel like feeding a rumor mill so active and nasty that people sit around gossiping about what Kate in accounting packed for lunch on Thursday.

You do realize that you sound insane, I hope.

DP here. Unfortunately I've seen these types of things happen from middle school up through adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree the issue is that OP and others in this circle are catty b's who like to ask seemingly innocuous questions of certain people and then twist it and gossip about it to trash them behind their back.

I worked in a place like this once and here's how you'd figure out what was going on and become *private* about seeming unimportant stuff:

Monday: You have a lighthearted conversation with a colleague about lunch, and tell them about how you're excited about the salad you brought that day because you've been on a big kick with trying out new combos and ingredients.

Tuesday-Wednesday: Colleague eagerly asks about your lunch each day and expresses an interest in your salads, seems enthusiastic.

Thursday: You walk into the kitchen at lunch and colleague is talking to someone else when you walk in but they both become silent when they see you and even though you don't know what they were talking about, you feel weird.

Friday: Someone you barely know stops you in the hallway to say they heard "all about" your salads and wanting to know what "crazy" combo you brought in that day.

Does any of this matter? No. Does it make you feel good? Also no. And that is how you learn to offer non-committal or vague responses to questions, because you don't feel like feeding a rumor mill so active and nasty that people sit around gossiping about what Kate in accounting packed for lunch on Thursday.

You do realize that you sound insane, I hope.

It's not insane. People don't like being talked about, even if the thing that is being gossiped about is boring and dumb.

OP is mad because someone she knows is evasive when OP asks her questions. She thinks it's strange. But I guess I'm sometimes evasive when people ask me questions and this is why. Because in the past I've found that people aren't actually trying to get to know me or even just to pass the time talking to me. They are just collecting info about people so they can gossip later. My guess is that OP is one such person because otherwise, why would she care if this person tells her what she's having for lunch? It truly does not matter? Why does OP need to know?

[Anonymous]

I have anxiety, so sometimes I just blank out when someone asks me a question. And other times I just think the other person is trying to be nosy and eventually catch me out somehow to use the info against me later, like my mom and other family members.

[Anonymous]

I used to say "I don't know" a lot when I was a child. It can mean any of the following:
I don't want to have a conversation with you.
I'm feeling a strong feeling that is more important than your stupid question. Leave me alone.
I actually don't know.
This is personal and I don't want to reveal the answer to you.
I don't want you to know me.
You're embarrassing me.
I don't care about the topic enough to have an opinion.
I'm indecisive.
If I answer this question, you will ask me another question and I don't want you to.

[Anonymous]

Here's another possibility.
I wasn't listening and don't want to admit that I didn't hear your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree the issue is that OP and others in this circle are catty b's who like to ask seemingly innocuous questions of certain people and then twist it and gossip about it to trash them behind their back.

I worked in a place like this once and here's how you'd figure out what was going on and become *private* about seeming unimportant stuff:

Monday: You have a lighthearted conversation with a colleague about lunch, and tell them about how you're excited about the salad you brought that day because you've been on a big kick with trying out new combos and ingredients.

Tuesday-Wednesday: Colleague eagerly asks about your lunch each day and expresses an interest in your salads, seems enthusiastic.

Thursday: You walk into the kitchen at lunch and colleague is talking to someone else when you walk in but they both become silent when they see you and even though you don't know what they were talking about, you feel weird.

Friday: Someone you barely know stops you in the hallway to say they heard "all about" your salads and wanting to know what "crazy" combo you brought in that day.

Does any of this matter? No. Does it make you feel good? Also no. And that is how you learn to offer non-committal or vague responses to questions, because you don't feel like feeding a rumor mill so active and nasty that people sit around gossiping about what Kate in accounting packed for lunch on Thursday.

You do realize that you sound insane, I hope.

It's not insane. People don't like being talked about, even if the thing that is being gossiped about is boring and dumb.

OP is mad because someone she knows is evasive when OP asks her questions. She thinks it's strange. But I guess I'm sometimes evasive when people ask me questions and this is why. Because in the past I've found that people aren't actually trying to get to know me or even just to pass the time talking to me. They are just collecting info about people so they can gossip later. My guess is that OP is one such person because otherwise, why would she care if this person tells her what she's having for lunch? It truly does not matter? Why does OP need to know?

+1

Witness that in the OP:
OP has made a determination of whether the person has mental illnes.
OP thought it was just her, but has asked around, and learned the person does with others.
OP and several others are now interested in this matter, to varying degrees.

So OP has already made a big issue of nothing and involved several people.

[Anonymous]

Stop prying.