kept something from my husband because of the stress he’s under but feel terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

NP here. Please tell your husband. This is about safety. I know a family who lost their son 2 years ago after taking a pill at a party and the pain they continue to go through is unimaginable. If your son does this again and dies you will never forgive yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion, and here goes:
I would not keep a secret from my DH because I feel that this betrays the covenant we made when we vowed that two become one. Keeping a secret from him would feel like I’m compromising that vow.

We are clear about this with our children and I don’t think they would ever ask one of us to keep something from the other. But if they asked to tell me something on the condition that I not share it with DH, I would remind my child why I can’t hold to that condition.
I think the only time I would even fathom keeping a secret from my DH is if my child were accusing DH of something horrible and feared retaliation.

Bless your heart. You've taken the whole 'two become one' thing a little too literal. Or, more likely, you interpret it selectively. When one of you goes out does the other? Do you do all your shopping together? If you get the norovirus do you make sure to pass it to your DH? Do you share with your DH the details of how you helped your DD to use a tampon for the first time? Did your DH share with you the conversation he had with your DS about cleaning up the evidence of his masturbation? You are 'one' after all. Of course, you do make exceptions when there's "fear of retaliation".

In our family, we value trust and support. If one of our kids confides in one parent, we respect that choice. We respect that it can be difficult to confide something personal to someone and want our kids to know their confidences are safe. They also know that if someone's health, safety or welfare is involved we may have to disclose their confident but that we would do it in collaboration with them, not because of some misguided notion that confidences not shared between spouses is a betrayal.

Wow this really hit a nerve with you, as your first paragraph reflects quite the Bitter Betty in you.
It seems you are somehow threatened that my relationship with my spouse does not perfectly mirror your own, and rather than just accept that it is okay for us not to have the same “take”—you thought the best approach was to attempt to dismantle and belittle.
Well that makes me sad for you, but I hope that you will one day be secure enough to accept that it is okay for different people to have different viewpoints and practices within their own relationships without it impacting yours in any way. And then you won’t need to attack, insult, or be snide to others in order to make yourself feel good.
I wish you well.

DP. This post is so childish and fake, it’s laughable. In fact, so was your previous post and that’s why PP reacted that way.

Haha for sure. Another DP who would have to guess perfect marriage PP’s DH is boinking someone or several someone elses.

[Anonymous]

I kept many secrets from my husband on my child's behalf BUT I always stressed to the child that telling Dad himself was the way to go when he felt the time was right to tell Dad. If I was asked if I knew I was always honest. I hate secrets but I also hate that a kid was so afraid of a parent he felt he couldn't approach one of us. That solves nothing.
Kind of like what you all say about being afraid of money talks. An open book same page thing applies here too.
Good luck OP. I hope it all turns out well.
P.S.
All you snarky nasty people need to stfu. I mean damn, do you wake up being that hateful or is it your full time job ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

NP here. Please tell your husband. This is about safety. I know a family who lost their son 2 years ago after taking a pill at a party and the pain they continue to go through is unimaginable. If your son does this again and dies you will never forgive yourself.

+1

I would also tell your son ( as others have suggested) that now that you have known for a few weeks, he has had time to reflect/learn from this, HE needs to tell his dad. Preferably by x date.

My dh is my best friend and I share everything with him. He had wonderful parents as role models and always stood by the idea of “ we are a team.” My mom kept a lot from my dad as he had an explosive temper and so I thought that was the norm, but bought into the team approach.

A few years ago, my ds asked me not to share something with his dad, but I did as I had no other way to process it in the moment.

One day in a highly fraught moment I revealed I had shared with his dad. ( strike 2) He has never truly forgiven me as brings it up from time to time when he’s upset about other generic, parenting issues.

He’s older, and understands more of the husband/ wife bond, understands that parents have emotions too for which they need to process with others, but I am truly heartsick that I broke my son’s trust. In hindsight, my dh would have understood ( i think). We have a strong, loving relationship with ds and a strong, loving family who forgive each other when we mess up —but I would have done it differently.

Sharing my mistake so that may help you. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

How will your husband react when he realizes you kept this from him? Seems like a bad idea. How would you feel if they kept that from you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

He should tell his dad eventually, but for now I would keep the kids confidence. But that is so DANGEROUS - I hope he understands he could have died. This fentanyl problem is real.

If it were fentanyl, he wouldn't have even had to ingest the pill to overdose and die.

All he would've needed to do was briefly touch it, and he would've went into overdose.
That's all it takes... even if his friend offered it and OP's son said "well, let me see what it looks like" and his friend handed it to him and her son briefly looked at it for like 3 seconds, and then handed it directly back to him, they both could've started to overdose.

Scary stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of secret could your son have that would devastate possibly his father?

He's gay. Got a girl pregnant. Joined the. Army. On drugs. To name but a few.

Flunked out of college. Changed religions or is now an atheist. Joined a different political party.

Unless it involves payments, these don't involve the dad.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing got a girl pregnant and she had an abortion.

[Anonymous]

Op I think you support your son and also support him in telling his dad. Work with him through his fears about what will happen when he does and reassure him how you will support him if dad says/does xyz. Also work with him to develop safety plans (how will he keep himself safe in the future? Do family education around drugs etc. non judgmental support).

I would not betray my child but I would let them know they have to tell dad. I would also ask if I can prepare dad /tell dad and help manage the conversation if they are scared to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

He should tell his dad eventually, but for now I would keep the kids confidence. But that is so DANGEROUS - I hope he understands he could have died. This fentanyl problem is real.

If it were fentanyl, he wouldn't have even had to ingest the pill to overdose and die.

All he would've needed to do was briefly touch it, and he would've went into overdose.
That's all it takes... even if his friend offered it and OP's son said "well, let me see what it looks like" and his friend handed it to him and her son briefly looked at it for like 3 seconds, and then handed it directly back to him, they both could've started to overdose.

Scary stuff.

This isn’t true in every case. What you’re talking about is pure powder fentanyl. OP’s son likely took a pill that had a small amount of fentanyl in it. So you can handle the pill, but the fentanyl has usually been diluted to some degree.

OP get your son a pill testing kit and fentanyl test strips and some Narcan. It will save his life or one of his friend’s lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blood is thicker than water.

This. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my son was at a party and took a pill that was not what someone said it was. It was the first time he had experimented with anything like this, he hd to go to the hospital.
He is OK now but only told me on the condition that I not tell his father.
Eventually with my sons permission I feel like I will want/need to,
Its hard to keep to myself but I think I am doing the right thing.

He should tell his dad eventually, but for now I would keep the kids confidence. But that is so DANGEROUS - I hope he understands he could have died. This fentanyl problem is real.

If it were fentanyl, he wouldn't have even had to ingest the pill to overdose and die.

All he would've needed to do was briefly touch it, and he would've went into overdose.
That's all it takes... even if his friend offered it and OP's son said "well, let me see what it looks like" and his friend handed it to him and her son briefly looked at it for like 3 seconds, and then handed it directly back to him, they both could've started to overdose.

Scary stuff.

Yes fentanyl is a problem. But no, nothing happens by touching a pill. Promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have you ever kept something from your spouse really out of protection? This is a secret my son had asked me to not share with anyone and I gave him my word. My husband has been under and an extraordinary amount of stress lately and I honestly didn’t have it in me to devastate him which I know the secret would do. Plus I didn’t want to betray my sons trust. Part of me feels guilty, but part of me feels like I’m doing the right thing anyone ever been through anything like this?

Yeah, that's not a healthy relationship. Spouses should be able to talk about everything

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's not that he's afraid of dad but that he knows dad won't buy his BS like op has

Op I don't think this a secret you should keep.
You go to your son and you tell him that he needs to tell his dad. You can offer to be there for support.
But it's something that needs to be shared.

Drug overdose is not a secret to be kept.

And if your kids in on your insurance your husband is going to see the hospital visit on the bill.
Best to get everything out in the open.