No Halloween plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I've seen is girls tend to do a lot of group costumes in middle school and that's how they leave people out.

I think the worst thing is when they dress up like that for school. You know the moms are all behind it. It's weird.

Mine did a group "Heathers" costume in middle school (although she's never seen the movie as far as I know.) I had no involvement except for when she came home and said I need x and y for my costume, and we found the things she needed. 99% sure that wasn't a mom's idea.

The irony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

They know. They just don't care. And they aren't capable of setting the expectations of inclusiveness, and doing a big better, of their kids. As long as their little jerks are included, F--- everyone else's feelings. They act like inviting kids ToT is extending a wedding invitation to unwanted family members.

[Anonymous]

Can he ask a group of nice, inclusive-seeming kids if he can join? That happened in my son's friend group. He and two friends go out every year. A kid who's a bit of a floater from their soccer team asked if he could join and they were more than happy to say sure. I think boys may be more laid back about this because they may not be natural planners. It wouldn't have occurred to them to ask him but they're happy to have him join in and didn't think twice about it being awkward or strange that he asked. FWIW my son goes out with these two kids but inevitably they either meet up with other people or lose each other along the way -- it seems very fluid and not like an exclusive "group" thing!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

Incorrect.
Years ago there was a girl in my daughters MS class that used to HUMP TREES (yes you read that right) among other strange things. She didn’t have many friends. There is no way in hell I’d force my kid to spend 2 hours ToTing with someone who stops to hump trees. I’m not ruining my daughters night in an effort to be inclusive. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

parent of kid who struggled in middle school here - kids SHOULD make their own plans with their own friends, i would never expect a bunch of 12 year olds to keep track and make sure everyone had a group to go trick or treating with. kids struggling in the halloween buildup (as mine did years ago) doesn't mean anyone is being exclusive, it just means kids gravitate to the other kids they spend the most time with and so the "floaters" may not know where to land. It's okay, it really is part of growing up for some kids, it's brutal as a parent but it doesn't mean anyone is being intentionally unkind

I agree.

But for some reasons, many posters on here are saying that these kids that don't send out blanket invitations lack empathy. And that the parents are even worse.

I think those parents are a little delusional. It's backwards to expect people to roll out of the red carpet for your child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

I disagree.

Like I said: Be respectful. Be nice. Be friendly.

But asking my child to spend what little free time with someone they don't know, or don't even like? Sorry, but no.

And it's not even a problem. The kid that got the forced invite would probably have a miserable time too. For christ's sake, we're talking about MS kids here, not pre-schoolers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

Incorrect.
Years ago there was a girl in my daughters MS class that used to HUMP TREES (yes you read that right) among other strange things. She didn’t have many friends. There is no way in hell I’d force my kid to spend 2 hours ToTing with someone who stops to hump trees. I’m not ruining my daughters night in an effort to be inclusive. No thanks.

This. 100% this.

Don't make fun. Don't be mean. But I'm not going to force you to spend time with a tree humper.

Do you include the beer-bellied slob who spends his Saturdays gambling college football in our book club? Probably not. And you'd probably be resentful if someone forced you to include him.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's too late to make plans today. My 6th grader is making plans today with friends in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's too late to make plans today. My 6th grader is making plans today with friends in the neighborhood.

Same. I asked my 6th grader yesterday what her plans were and she had no idea. So she started texting.

Its not usual for them, at this age, to have a delayed "oh, wait, I better talk to my friends and plan this thing" reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's too late to make plans today. My 6th grader is making plans today with friends in the neighborhood.

I literally just texted two people about tomorrow. One person said yes and we now have plans. Other person said she is trying to figure things out and totally ok if they are going with other people. This is really not all that complicated.

If I remember correctly, last year it was raining. My older kid went in the rain with friends. My younger one didn’t have any set plans. One mom literally texted me and said they were having pizza and going out. I originally said no. Then all of a sudden my daughter wanted to go in the rain. DH took her out.

You can make plans the day of, even the same hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

Incorrect.
Years ago there was a girl in my daughters MS class that used to HUMP TREES (yes you read that right) among other strange things. She didn’t have many friends. There is no way in hell I’d force my kid to spend 2 hours ToTing with someone who stops to hump trees. I’m not ruining my daughters night in an effort to be inclusive. No thanks.

This. 100% this.

Don't make fun. Don't be mean. But I'm not going to force you to spend time with a tree humper.

Do you include the beer-bellied slob who spends his Saturdays gambling college football in our book club? Probably not. And you'd probably be resentful if someone forced you to include him.

I don’t know how my suggestion to cast a wider net got turned into “invite the weirdest kid you know.” My kids can name neighbor kids who don’t share their interests and won’t ever be close friends, but who are sweet natured. They may find these kids a little boring or immature or fixated on narrow interests, but ToT doesn’t require much conversation. It’s definitely an activity you can enjoy with someone who’s more of an acquaintance than a close friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sad to read so many posts about kids not having friends or not doing anything social on the weekends. Was it always this bad or is there just a few people always posting about this on DCUM?

Yes there have always been kids who didn't have a huge social network. Please tell me this isn't news to you? If so, you have lacked empathy for way too long.

How does show a lack of empathy? I would say it shows the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

Incorrect.
Years ago there was a girl in my daughters MS class that used to HUMP TREES (yes you read that right) among other strange things. She didn’t have many friends. There is no way in hell I’d force my kid to spend 2 hours ToTing with someone who stops to hump trees. I’m not ruining my daughters night in an effort to be inclusive. No thanks.

This. 100% this.

Don't make fun. Don't be mean. But I'm not going to force you to spend time with a tree humper.

Do you include the beer-bellied slob who spends his Saturdays gambling college football in our book club? Probably not. And you'd probably be resentful if someone forced you to include him.

I don’t know how my suggestion to cast a wider net got turned into “invite the weirdest kid you know.” My kids can name neighbor kids who don’t share their interests and won’t ever be close friends, but who are sweet natured. They may find these kids a little boring or immature or fixated on narrow interests, but ToT doesn’t require much conversation. It’s definitely an activity you can enjoy with someone who’s more of an acquaintance than a close friend.

My older kids are very specific on who they want to hang out with. They are perfectly fine being alone or not doing something but they absolutely hate when I suggest anything social with others. Boys are 12 and 14. I just convinced my 12yo to attend a party of my friend’s son. He really does not want to go. I told him that the invitation was extended because I am good friends with the mom and he agreed very reluctantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

Of course you should be nice, kind and respectful.

But is it really that hard to distinguish between telling your kid "be friendly; be kind" and "I'm going to force you to spend the next 3 hours doing an activity you've been looking forward to with a kid you either don't know, or don't enjoy spending time with"

I expect my kids to be helpful, kind and respectful to EVERYONE. But I'm not going to force them to spend time with someone that the don't know or don't like.

It's not hard to distinguish. It's also not hard to tell your kid they should do so and why. Unless they're being bullied or harassed, there is ZERO reason your kid cannot include a kid for a few hours of trick or treating. Zero. And the fact you think it is, well, you are part of the problem. As long as your kid is included, who GAF about anyone else's right? Nice attitude to pass on.

I disagree.

Like I said: Be respectful. Be nice. Be friendly.

But asking my child to spend what little free time with someone they don't know, or don't even like? Sorry, but no.

And it's not even a problem. The kid that got the forced invite would probably have a miserable time too. For christ's sake, we're talking about MS kids here, not pre-schoolers

What little free time? Ugh why are kids so busy these days? I guess that's another debate for another time.