No Halloween plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

[Anonymous]

I was in this situation in middle school and remember feeling so relieved when an acquaintance asked if I would come with her to take her 1st grade neighbor ToTing.

Our neighborhood has a small group of middle school kids who often get left out of ToT by their school friends because they live in the “other” neighborhood and parents don’t want to drive kids to/from their neighborhood. The kids find younger kids to take around instead.

At our house, the taller you are, the more candy I give you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

I know, right? Teasing, bullying, clique group behavior has never been good, but some hoe it's accepted. How do parents not know their kid is doing this? And if they do, why don't they do anything about it?

Parents absolutely know. Social inclusion efforts at our school sounded really good on paper and blew up when they tried to implement them in real life. Actual feedback from parents: “my kids shouldn’t have to be nice to people who they don’t like.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have a neighbor child who doesn’t have tons of friends, they’d probably love an invitation. You could cast a wider net.

This is always the answer. In middle school kids get really independent and cliquey, they don't want to "include everyone" as much as they used to. I hate it too but I think they should be allowed to have their small chosen groups and those who don't want that route should have front yard parties that still include everyone. Chances are they all circle back to each other by the end of the night or separate for logistical disagreements.

This is when parents need to parent and teach their kids to be inclusive instead of cliquey, little a-holes. I feel like I am one of the only parents who does this and it's sh-----y. Lots of talk of kindness and mental health on these boards yet we just let kids continue with the same mean, clique crap that has existed forever.

Do better.

We've taught our kids not to hang out with the kids of parents who say "Do better" all of the time. So patronizing. Next you need to add "Your privilege is showing."

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Just realized this was tween/teen forum. Having 2 this age, lots of kids just stop going trick or treating at this age.

Some people love Halloween. Some don’t. Before Covid, we would go to trunk or treats and moms group’s Halloween events. These were all for younger kids. My older kids don’t love Halloween. They didn’t want to go to Cox farms. They don’t want to go apple picking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Just realized this was tween/teen forum. Having 2 this age, lots of kids just stop going trick or treating at this age.

Some people love Halloween. Some don’t. Before Covid, we would go to trunk or treats and moms group’s Halloween events. These were all for younger kids. My older kids don’t love Halloween. They didn’t want to go to Cox farms. They don’t want to go apple picking.

Really, lots of kids? Are kids just growing out of things sooner? I don't remember kids this young stopping trick or treating this early before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw middle school get togethers often happen at the last minute. Many of the kids are still learning how to plan things and don't think ahead. It's still okay for the kid to ask around today and tomorrow to see if anyone wants to go out together. Maybe someone will want to come over or maybe they'll get invited to join others. If not, planning to hand out candy can be fun, too.

If your kids is desperate to go trick or treating, though, and comes up short in finding peers to go with, do you have neighbors with younger kids? Giving an awkward middle schooler a chance to take younger kids around and show them the ropes is a way to build confidence. A parent would still need to trail along, but your child could serve as their helper.

This is good advice! I also think it’s fine to go alone in your neighborhood! Groups fall apart, some kids run ahead and some are slower. I never think it’s odd to see a solo trick or treater.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you need his help passing candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Just realized this was tween/teen forum. Having 2 this age, lots of kids just stop going trick or treating at this age.

Some people love Halloween. Some don’t. Before Covid, we would go to trunk or treats and moms group’s Halloween events. These were all for younger kids. My older kids don’t love Halloween. They didn’t want to go to Cox farms. They don’t want to go apple picking.

Really, lots of kids? Are kids just growing out of things sooner? I don't remember kids this young stopping trick or treating this early before.

DP. We live in one of those neighborhoods where people go all out for Halloween. There’s nowhere to park on the streets because families from other neighborhoods come to ours. Middle schoolers are definitely still ToT. We get more than a few high school students (although by high school, girls are more likely to ToT than boys). Both of my 10th graders (girls) are ToT this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say he's upset about it? He might love to be the one at the door giving out candy to other kids. And if a kid he knows comes by and he wants to join, then go ahead.

Why do you people always ask "is he upset"? While there are some shy or introverted types that MAY be ok with it, the vast majority of kids (even the shy or introverted ones) want to be included. Everyone wants to be included most of the time.

So just stop.

I agree. Most kids play it off and pretend it’s fine when in fact they’re feeling hurt or lonely. But not many will admit that to mom or dad. So don’t assume they’re ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Just realized this was tween/teen forum. Having 2 this age, lots of kids just stop going trick or treating at this age.

Some people love Halloween. Some don’t. Before Covid, we would go to trunk or treats and moms group’s Halloween events. These were all for younger kids. My older kids don’t love Halloween. They didn’t want to go to Cox farms. They don’t want to go apple picking.

Really, lots of kids? Are kids just growing out of things sooner? I don't remember kids this young stopping trick or treating this early before.

DP. We live in one of those neighborhoods where people go all out for Halloween. There’s nowhere to park on the streets because families from other neighborhoods come to ours. Middle schoolers are definitely still ToT. We get more than a few high school students (although by high school, girls are more likely to ToT than boys). Both of my 10th graders (girls) are ToT this year.

That's so great! Love it when I see older kids or slightly older kids still doing kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Just realized this was tween/teen forum. Having 2 this age, lots of kids just stop going trick or treating at this age.

Some people love Halloween. Some don’t. Before Covid, we would go to trunk or treats and moms group’s Halloween events. These were all for younger kids. My older kids don’t love Halloween. They didn’t want to go to Cox farms. They don’t want to go apple picking.

Really, lots of kids? Are kids just growing out of things sooner? I don't remember kids this young stopping trick or treating this early before.

I stopped in 6th grade as did my sibs and most of my classmates, but we grew up in a slightly rural area. It's location dependent. Family in LA say high school kids still go out ToTing but they drive to richer neighborhoods. what a shocker that Halloween culture isn't uniform everywhere!

[Anonymous]

Ugh i'm sorry no advice but i remember hating halloween for a couple of years there when my kid who struggled a bit in middle school had so much anxiety in the buildup to the social organizing piece of it. It really DOES calm down in high school and you don't have to stress about any more but it's hard, I'm sorry and hope you can make it a nice evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7th grade was when it fell apart for us. He's in 9th now, and still wishes he could go out, but doesn't have anyone to go with. It's so heartbreaking when your kid is lonely.

It is heartbreaking. My son has had periods of loneliness and I would bring him with me to different activities. he has a passive personality so never argued about activities I arranged but the worst thing I could do was leave him alone for a whole weekend, every weekend.