Private school for a "problem" boy

[Anonymous]

He'd fit right in at Two Rivers-- there's so much fighting they have to ask the parents to volunteer as hall monitors.

[Anonymous]

Mater Dei could be great or terrible, but worth looking into if you think your son's behavior could be managed with a lot of sports, outdoor time, and strict rules and manners (coat and tie uniform for example).

They definitely have a 'boys will be boys' mentality. They send them camping in the woods in middle school, make sport cuts, have a lot of memorization but not a lot of computer clicking. They definitely celebrate achievement so he would have to be comfortable in that sort of culture.

I would say the approach is feels old school - OP, does that sounds appealing or horrifying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about an online school? That way he cannot get kicked out.

He hates clicking through computer exercises so I think online would be pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

I’m a parochial school supporter but most of them are not set up to kids outside the “box” (extremely bright, special needs, behavioral issues, etc.)

If you think he can mainstream, I’d suggest looking at an all boy’s environment. There is sometimes a tendency among poor/inexperienced teachers to treat normal boyish behavior as inappropriate, essentially treating boys as “defective girls” because they socialize differently, don’t sit still as well, tend to be more physical and so forth.

Of the local boy’s schools, I’d suggest The Heights as somewhere to explore. It has the reputation for being a very masculine environment, which isn’t for everybody but might help here. Another poster mentioned Mater Dei. I think it would be important to be forthright with the school.

[Anonymous]

Have you explored boarding schools?

[Anonymous]

1. Neuropsychological evaluation at Stixrud or other reputable psychologists' practice. It will probably reveal ADHD, and perhaps anxiety and other disorders.

2. Discuss with the psychologist what school accommodations and services might be appropriate. This should be written in the report that you show to the school. Your child might be best served by an IEP, which is more protective than a 504.

3. Ramp up stimulants with a psychiatrist who treats children. Pediatricians are not trained for this, but once your child is stabilized on a dose, they can prescribe the medication. Failing stimulants, patients can try non-stimulants.

4. When your child is stabilized, and if you see public still doesn't work for him, try to enroll them in a private school. Privates are not legally required to follow IEPs and 504s, so please bear this in mind.



The reason you should do this in this order is that mainstream privates (not special needs ones) won't take a child like this, and if they do, he might be counseled out at some point.

You really MUST understand that your child needs medication to function. This goes beyond a change of setting.

[Anonymous]

What about a place like Fusion? Small, one-on-one focused attention but also opportunity for socializing built in.

In my understanding, there are kids of all kinds at Fusion schools. The one kid I know personally who attends is mildly autistic and needed more time and opportunity to establish friendships than the specialized school offered. I know that some other students are athletes or musicians or SN of other types who just need alternative school that's not 100% online but works w/their nutty schedules.

[Anonymous]

A significant disciplinary record will make it a no go for most private schools. I would look into The Heights or Massanutten Military Academy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a place like Fusion? Small, one-on-one focused attention but also opportunity for socializing built in.

In my understanding, there are kids of all kinds at Fusion schools. The one kid I know personally who attends is mildly autistic and needed more time and opportunity to establish friendships than the specialized school offered. I know that some other students are athletes or musicians or SN of other types who just need alternative school that's not 100% online but works w/their nutty schedules.

How are opportunities for socializing built in at Fusion? It looks like pure one on one tutoring, either in-person or online?

[Anonymous]

Fusion instruction is either 1:1 or tiny groups. There are also socializing opportunities outside instruction. Neighbor's kid is measurably on the spectrum (but high functioning) and goes there.

[Anonymous]

WHat you need to do is get the neuropsych done and get with an educational consultant who can steer you to schools where he might fit. You dont want to pick a school based on the fact that he gets in fights. Pick one that can meet his needs and help him develop grow in a positive direction. No one on this board has insight to what he needs at this point. Get that testing done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Neuropsychological evaluation at Stixrud or other reputable psychologists' practice. It will probably reveal ADHD, and perhaps anxiety and other disorders.

2. Discuss with the psychologist what school accommodations and services might be appropriate. This should be written in the report that you show to the school. Your child might be best served by an IEP, which is more protective than a 504.

3. Ramp up stimulants with a psychiatrist who treats children. Pediatricians are not trained for this, but once your child is stabilized on a dose, they can prescribe the medication. Failing stimulants, patients can try non-stimulants.

4. When your child is stabilized, and if you see public still doesn't work for him, try to enroll them in a private school. Privates are not legally required to follow IEPs and 504s, so please bear this in mind.

The reason you should do this in this order is that mainstream privates (not special needs ones) won't take a child like this, and if they do, he might be counseled out at some point.

You really MUST understand that your child needs medication to function. This goes beyond a change of setting.


This PP is 100% correct. Diagnosis, IEP (and 504) plan and stay in public.
My friend's son was oppositional defiant (so my heart goes out to you I know how hard this kind of behavior can be) but he was kicked out of two catholics and was a social outcast. He did much better in public.

Please get the correct diagnosis, support and meds. You do sound a little exhausted and defensive which is understandable -you are worried for your child! But you do need to reach out the the special needs forum- that's what your child has- special needs. No shame there. And nothing is forever- they grow and change. Best of luck to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Also suggest looking at sycamore if that is convenient to you. Maybe the smaller calmer and personalized environment would bring out the best in him. Id be concerned that all boys may bring out the worst here, and Catholic schools won’t tolerate much. Look for nurturing and calm instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a place like Fusion? Small, one-on-one focused attention but also opportunity for socializing built in.

In my understanding, there are kids of all kinds at Fusion schools. The one kid I know personally who attends is mildly autistic and needed more time and opportunity to establish friendships than the specialized school offered. I know that some other students are athletes or musicians or SN of other types who just need alternative school that's not 100% online but works w/their nutty schedules.

I agree with fusion-I don’t think anywhere else will take him (and if they did he’s unlikely to be successful) but fusion is sometimes an absolute lifesaver for kids for whom typical schools aren’t working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mater Dei could be great or terrible, but worth looking into if you think your son's behavior could be managed with a lot of sports, outdoor time, and strict rules and manners (coat and tie uniform for example).

They definitely have a 'boys will be boys' mentality. They send them camping in the woods in middle school, make sport cuts, have a lot of memorization but not a lot of computer clicking. They definitely celebrate achievement so he would have to be comfortable in that sort of culture.

I would say the approach is feels old school - OP, does that sounds appealing or horrifying?

I was going to recommend this too. They know how to handle all types of boys.