Private school for a "problem" boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

He has been starting fights over perceived insults. That’s violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

"...repeated disciplinary issues such as getting into fights, including disrupting class by fighting with or confronting other students he feels have disrespected him."

[Anonymous]

The special needs forum might have some suggestions for you of niche schools that specialize in behavioral problems that we don’t know about. None of the mainstream schools are going to accept or keep a child with the level of disregulation and problematic behavior that you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, many private schools have a lower tolerance for problem behavior than do public schools. But he may indeed benefit from smaller class sizes. Maybe a parochial school?

In theory maybe parochial could be good? But we're not really religious and he's not shy about expressing religious skepticism.

But the issue is we can't just stick him into a random private school that seems good in theory and then have them throw him out when he acts up. At least public schools can't do that. We need a school that feels like it can deal with a kid like this.

Your instinct about parochial schools is spot on. He's so far from the acceptable behavior that he wouldn't last long. Our parochial k-8 would consider a middle schooler talking without raising his hand worthy of an infraction. Losing your temper would be a pretty quick dismissal.

[Anonymous]

Try The Heights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

"...repeated disciplinary issues such as getting into fights, including disrupting class by fighting with or confronting other students he feels have disrespected him."

True, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're physical. Admittedly, my problems were emotional dysfunction rather than physical aggression, so I can't speak to what schools can do for this child. All I can say is my heart goes out to OP and this child. It's immensely painful to go through life like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

"...repeated disciplinary issues such as getting into fights, including disrupting class by fighting with or confronting other students he feels have disrespected him."

True, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're physical. Admittedly, my problems were emotional dysfunction rather than physical aggression, so I can't speak to what schools can do for this child. All I can say is my heart goes out to OP and this child. It's immensely painful to go through life like this.

I cannot think of a boy who fights without getting physical. I feel for him, but I also have my children in private to protect them from kids who might harm them. So.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, many private schools have a lower tolerance for problem behavior than do public schools. But he may indeed benefit from smaller class sizes. Maybe a parochial school?

In theory maybe parochial could be good? But we're not really religious and he's not shy about expressing religious skepticism.

But the issue is we can't just stick him into a random private school that seems good in theory and then have them throw him out when he acts up. At least public schools can't do that. We need a school that feels like it can deal with a kid like this.

I would advise staying far away from parochial schools. They are not good for boys or any child that does not behave or does not fit their mold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try The Heights.

isn't this the same issue as parochial schools?

[Anonymous]

You need to know why he's struggling. Without understanding the causes, you can't know what support he needs and the next school won't be successful either. What supports have you/the school tried? What evaluations have been done? What's been ruled out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

"...repeated disciplinary issues such as getting into fights, including disrupting class by fighting with or confronting other students he feels have disrespected him."

True, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're physical. Admittedly, my problems were emotional dysfunction rather than physical aggression, so I can't speak to what schools can do for this child. All I can say is my heart goes out to OP and this child. It's immensely painful to go through life like this.

I cannot think of a boy who fights without getting physical. I feel for him, but I also have my children in private to protect them from kids who might harm them. So.

I guess it's clear I wasn't a boy. I wasn't even expelled or counseled out of my private school, so my experience was obviously very different.

Again, I don't know what OP can or should do here. All I know is that it's important not to put the child in a program that uses abusive tactics.

[Anonymous]

OP, what kind of evaluations do you have so far? A good place to start would be the psychologists you are working with. They can give you advice. They work with schools across the spectrum (private, parochial, and public) and they know what schools and systems work for the kind of issues your DS has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be a boarding school for problem youth solution.

OP, I don't recommend doing this. They're ultimately short-term remedies, and the kids who go through them often come out with more problems than before.

Disclosure: I survived one of these programs in the 2000s. I was used an example of someone who did "well" in the program, but it left lasting trauma that I'm still discussing in therapy many years later.

Never said I recommended it. I meant no one else will take a violent child.

OP didn't say DS is violent.

I don't know what a school-based solution looks like, but maybe a therapist and a more supportive environment can make it work.

"...repeated disciplinary issues such as getting into fights, including disrupting class by fighting with or confronting other students he feels have disrespected him."

True, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're physical. Admittedly, my problems were emotional dysfunction rather than physical aggression, so I can't speak to what schools can do for this child. All I can say is my heart goes out to OP and this child. It's immensely painful to go through life like this.

I cannot think of a boy who fights without getting physical. I feel for him, but I also have my children in private to protect them from kids who might harm them. So.

I guess it's clear I wasn't a boy. I wasn't even expelled or counseled out of my private school, so my experience was obviously very different.

Again, I don't know what OP can or should do here. All I know is that it's important not to put the child in a program that uses abusive tactics.

NP. Got it. Very true. Sorry for your suffering.

OP, maybe ask Jeff to put this on special needs forum. They are known for being incredibly helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, many private schools have a lower tolerance for problem behavior than do public schools. But he may indeed benefit from smaller class sizes. Maybe a parochial school?

In theory maybe parochial could be good? But we're not really religious and he's not shy about expressing religious skepticism.

But the issue is we can't just stick him into a random private school that seems good in theory and then have them throw him out when he acts up. At least public schools can't do that. We need a school that feels like it can deal with a kid like this.

Your instinct about parochial schools is spot on. He's so far from the acceptable behavior that he wouldn't last long. Our parochial k-8 would consider a middle schooler talking without raising his hand worthy of an infraction. Losing your temper would be a pretty quick dismissal.

I would not dismiss parochial schools so quickly. I would however, research schools and have discussion with the head of the church before approaching the school.