DH prefers private, I want public

[Anonymous]

Tri-State area as in Ny? I know a lot about the schools there. Which public and which private?

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread two years later, could I ask the OP -- if she's following up -- what public school she is zoned for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do these posters claiming that all public elementaries are violent and terrible have actual experiences with public?

We have a 2nd grader in a "well-regarded" public school and have never encountered any violent or troubling behavior. We had one teacher we didn't love and that year was tough, but private schools also have a range of teachers and not all of them are the right fit for your child. Overall our experience at the public school has been really great and we like the teachers, administrators, other families and the kids themselves.

I'm sure private schools offer better services in some respects and they may be more responsive to parents since, after all, you are paying them. We'd consider private if we were ever unhappy with the public option, and we're certainly looking seriously at it for MS because I understand there are behavioral issues at our IB MS.

But after 2+ years in public, I can say honestly that it has in fact been a nurturing, positive environment, and we're glad for the school community in the neighborhood, and our kid has lots of wonderful friends. And we've saved thousands of dollars over going the private route, and that's not nothing.

Yes. And I would have sounded like you in elementary.

Public middle school in our supposedly good district was an entirely different matter. My oldest unfortunately went through it until we pulled him. The experience was not good.

Same here, but we only lasted until eldest was in fourth. I went to public schools all the way through in an affluent suburb. Public schools today are nothing like what I attended. Lots of kids with behaviorial issues who were being “mainstreamed” (this was in an affluent, 10/10 school), canned curriculum, lack of rigor, too short recess etc. parent community was great but couldn’t make up for the educational shortfalls.

If you do decide to go to private, you should be the one doing drop offs if you want to meet other moms.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted to let you know that my DH also prefers private and I prefer public.

Going public would mean we would also leave a house we love, to move to an area with a better public school line-up.

I am leaning towards going public, even knowing we will have to leave a home we love and take out a mortgage at a higher interest rate, because I think a top public school will provide a better community for our family, provide more opportunities for friendship for our children (bigger grade sizes), and an academic experience that is at least as good as the best privates at an elementary level.

Would my kids get robotics or foreign language and the course school day in public? No. Will they be able to perform in a school musical starting in second grade in public? No.

But, they can get exposure to all of this through afterschool programming at all of the great public schools, and we can always have them do weekend, extracurricular activities to go deeper in any subjects, sports, science or arts programs they want to.

I suspect our kids will be in private school for middle in high school and I am OK with that. More time to save.

Hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

I wonder what OP chose for her kids. I was pro-public... until oldest child actually entered public. We last a few years and had to switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what OP chose for her kids. I was pro-public... until oldest child actually entered public. We last a few years and had to switch.

PP, which public did you try and then were unhappy with?

[Anonymous]

NP but had a similar experience. I was a public school kid, my husband private. He wanted kids in private, I wanted them at our local public which is a 5 minute walk. And it was good at first- being able to do sports and activities so close to home was awesome. We were making friends with nearby neighbor parents. All good. And then the kids got older. And their interests started to shift. And they now dislike the kid who lives around the block because whatever drama happens in 4th grade.
Our younger one who is more shy seemed to just disappear into her class of 25.
The straw on the camel’s back for me tho was going to a back to school night and hearing the teachers say frequently things like “we have to teach it this way because of the state/county” or “they just changed the curriculum again so now we need to teach it this way”. It felt so meh and disappointing. Meanwhile, the private schools we toured highlight the creative ways they teach different units and the teachers/administrators all just seem excited by what they’re teaching. It was a stark difference.

[Anonymous]

Nope. You do public. Private school, when you have decent publics, is a gigantic waste of money, and I do mean that - it's one of the worst financial decisions you can ever make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You do public. Private school, when you have decent publics, is a gigantic waste of money, and I do mean that - it's one of the worst financial decisions you can ever make.

For elementary, yes.

[Anonymous]

How about private to middle or high school?
By that age, kids are ready for a change in environment and social dynamics.
I get that entry in K would take the load off in terms of the changing school pyramids but the truth is that by middle or high school the children are bristling for a change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about private to middle or high school?
By that age, kids are ready for a change in environment and social dynamics.
I get that entry in K would take the load off in terms of the changing school pyramids but the truth is that by middle or high school the children are bristling for a change.

I was switched to private in 8th and it was kind of too late for me. I had huge knowledge and curriculum and study skills gaps that I never overcame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You do public. Private school, when you have decent publics, is a gigantic waste of money, and I do mean that - it's one of the worst financial decisions you can ever make.

What is considered decent is changing (lower standards) and also depends on the family. I know my state thinks our public is more than decent, but they've got kindergarteners on iPads and use Lucy Calkins and F&P, so yeah, we waste our money on private elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject says it all. DH and I live in an affluent tri-state area suburb with two young children, a pre-schooler and infant. The public school system here is overall good, although some elementary schools are more highly regarded than others, and the middle and high schools are fine but many families eventually leave for private school.

We live a literally 4 min walk away from one of the "top" elementary schools (rated 9/10 on GreatSchools etc) and it's an incredibly tight knit, down-to-earth community and neighborhood where literally everyone knows and looks out for each other. When we bought our house a few years ago, this was a significant positive and we were both in agreement and thrilled to know that our children would be able to attend such a great school right around the corner. There are a handful of kids in the neighborhood (<10%) who do attend religious private schools and a very small amount who attend the school in question for whatever reason.

Our oldest will be entering K next year, and now my husband has changed his mind and thinks we need to apply to private school now. He is worried that if we wait to apply for middle or high school that it will be much more competitive and we should apply now at K when statistically we have the best chance of getting in, but I'm also not sure the high school at this one is what I want for our child. (There are other more highly regarded private high schools in the area that don't offer a lower/MS).

The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time. And culturally, our current neighborhood is a solid supportive mix of SAHM and working moms, and everyone in between. We did the private school tour this weekend and it seems to be overwhelmingly shiny SAHMs who drive Range Rovers. Also this school is not particularly regarded for being particularly academically rigorous, but rather for creating a very manicured, hand-held community experience.

I'm so upset and angry at him that he would want to pull our son out of such a nurturing community right here that we have come to love, where all of his neighborhood and pre-school buddies are and will get to be together. And selfishly I already have so many mom friends here and I'm afraid the private school moms wouldn't be my people.

The other factor at play is that DH attended private school K-12, I attended a solid public in a district not at all unlike the one where we currently live, and we both got into (and met at) the same elite college.

I am just going to pray we don't actually get accepted to this school and hopefully the decision is made for us.

I know this is an old post, but there’s no way this person got a sense of the school population from a weekend school tour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

Private is better younger. Invest up front and reap dividends later - just like every other investment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

Private is better younger. Invest up front and reap dividends later - just like every other investment.

That's not what most people seem to say on DCUM and out. Most people seem to save on tuition during elementary since these years "don't matter" or are just "for socialization" and then send to private just for hs or ms/hs if they can afford both.