DH prefers private, I want public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time.

Nope. Tell him that if he wants your child to go to private that he will be the one chauffeuring child to and from school. You are not going to add that drive to your schedule. So, either public or he rearranges his work schedule to do the driving.

But then, I'm a guy who placed top 3% of a large public high school (in another state) and got into a T10 school. And I come from UMC/affluent parents who were able to pay full fare for all three of their kids so that none of us ended with any student debt.

If you would be borrowing from your children's college savings to pay for private school tuition then the answer is definitely no. You only send your kids to private if you can afford to fully pay for their college without loans and still pay for private tuition and any other needs/luxuries that your family wants, like vacations and such. Private school, especially at the ES level is a much lower priority and a luxury, especially when you have a good public nearby.

It’s not the 1990s anymore, fella. Do you have kids in the public school system now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start in public and se what you think. If your kid is thriving stay. If not...go elsewhere.

This. Tell him at a minimum you want to start in public for elementary school. Just flat out refuse to drive the kids to private. Just refuse. is he going to do th driving? No. I mean you are literally talking about spending nearly two hours a day in your car for elementary school! And that's not factoring in distances to play dates, etc.

Just say no. Is he gonna do the work of filling out the applications? I bet not. Just don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

Agree with this. K-6 is a great time to build your community. If you decide private is what you want for middle school, your child will have a base of friends in their neighborhood and can then build new friendships at the private school. I wouldn’t give that up for a “what if” scenario that’s years down the road.

+1 my son started kindergarten this year at our walkable public elementary that sounds really similar to yours and it has been so lovely. Already making lots of neighborhood friends, building community. I think it really makes a difference and makes little sense to pay so much money to give up that sense of community when you have a great public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public for elementary and reevaluate at middle school. Based on your description, it's a no brainer. The sense of community that's provided by attending a strong local school is key at that age!

Agree with this. K-6 is a great time to build your community. If you decide private is what you want for middle school, your child will have a base of friends in their neighborhood and can then build new friendships at the private school. I wouldn’t give that up for a “what if” scenario that’s years down the road.

+1 my son started kindergarten this year at our walkable public elementary that sounds really similar to yours and it has been so lovely. Already making lots of neighborhood friends, building community. I think it really makes a difference and makes little sense to pay so much money to give up that sense of community when you have a great public.

I will also add now that I have seen some of the other parts of this thread, we DID have a child in my child's class who really struggled in the beginning and it was handled wonderfully by the school. The child is now getting the support they need. The families at our school seem happy. Don't let these anti-public school folks scare you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject says it all. DH and I live in an affluent tri-state area suburb with two young children, a pre-schooler and infant. The public school system here is overall good, although some elementary schools are more highly regarded than others, and the middle and high schools are fine but many families eventually leave for private school.

We live a literally 4 min walk away from one of the "top" elementary schools (rated 9/10 on GreatSchools etc) and it's an incredibly tight knit, down-to-earth community and neighborhood where literally everyone knows and looks out for each other. When we bought our house a few years ago, this was a significant positive and we were both in agreement and thrilled to know that our children would be able to attend such a great school right around the corner. There are a handful of kids in the neighborhood (<10%) who do attend religious private schools and a very small amount who attend the school in question for whatever reason.

Our oldest will be entering K next year, and now my husband has changed his mind and thinks we need to apply to private school now. He is worried that if we wait to apply for middle or high school that it will be much more competitive and we should apply now at K when statistically we have the best chance of getting in, but I'm also not sure the high school at this one is what I want for our child. (There are other more highly regarded private high schools in the area that don't offer a lower/MS).

The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time. And culturally, our current neighborhood is a solid supportive mix of SAHM and working moms, and everyone in between. We did the private school tour this weekend and it seems to be overwhelmingly shiny SAHMs who drive Range Rovers. Also this school is not particularly regarded for being particularly academically rigorous, but rather for creating a very manicured, hand-held community experience.

I'm so upset and angry at him that he would want to pull our son out of such a nurturing community right here that we have come to love, where all of his neighborhood and pre-school buddies are and will get to be together. And selfishly I already have so many mom friends here and I'm afraid the private school moms wouldn't be my people.

The other factor at play is that DH attended private school K-12, I attended a solid public in a district not at all unlike the one where we currently live, and we both got into (and met at) the same elite college.

I am just going to pray we don't actually get accepted to this school and hopefully the decision is made for us.

If money is no object, go to an elite private.

If rising cost of elite colleges is a concern, go public for elementary, invest cost of private in 529, reevaluate before middle school.

Warning: Its easy to get into elite private school in KG, not so easy in 6th or 9th grade.

Tip: Using private school money to hire tutors and coaches to give your public school kid an advantage.

[Anonymous]

DH is correct. You might not realize it now but at some point you will turn to DH and utter “you were right about private school dear”.

[Anonymous]

That’s sad that he won’t be able to attend his local school and be part of the community. I know if my husband and I disagreed I would be making the choice.

You said it’s a top rated school. And since he’s only in kindergarten you have no way of knowing what will be best for him in middle school. He might have learning difficulties where the public school is the best place to handle it. Or he might do extraordinarily well which means he will have no problem going to a private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no such thing as a top-public. It's all a sales pitch to get you to spend more on a house. Do what is best for your kids.

Absolutely not true. You think people get their information from real estate agents?

Some of the kids at our top rated public school would get caught drinking or having sex or something and as punishment their parents would make them go to private school for a year. They were allowed to come back to local public if there was no trouble for the year. These weren’t the brightest kids but the kept their heads down and did the work because they wanted to leave.

Things aren’t always so black and white. There are plenty of private schools that don’t stand up to the best public schools.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your DH but as a compromise:

I’d start at public and reevaluate for middle school, as someone else said. Also be very aware that admission/entry to private is generally far more difficult later on (while entry in K is easy).

Also be aware that neighborhood culture, mom friends etc- while wonderful during the early years- becomes a lot less relevant by mid-elementary or so. By then, all the parents will be back to work FT and families spending their weekends on travel sports. There will be exceptions, but not many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your DH but as a compromise:

I’d start at public and reevaluate for middle school, as someone else said. Also be very aware that admission/entry to private is generally far more difficult later on (while entry in K is easy).

Also be aware that neighborhood culture, mom friends etc- while wonderful during the early years- becomes a lot less relevant by mid-elementary or so. By then, all the parents will be back to work FT and families spending their weekends on travel sports. There will be exceptions, but not many.

That has been my experience too. At one point when my oldest was in early elementary there were 3 other kids on the block in the same grade who went to the same large neighborhood elementary. None of them hung out. One was in a travel sports family that was gone all the time, one was in a religious weirdo family who withdrew and later went to a christian school. And one kid was opposite gender and never in the same class as mine. A few blocks a way was a gaggle of families whose kids were all friends. It's very random and there's no guarantee that going to a neighborhood school results in neighborhood friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

For our school district (FCPS), it seems the academic quality improves for MS/HS. I think it's an important thing to look at though in your neighborhood--how is the whole public pyramid not just the neighborhood ES--if you are staying for the long haul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your glorification of the public school is delusional. Wait until you get a load of the violence and horrible behavior before you decide your public is “nurturing.” Lol.

I get that you don’t want to drive that much…that’s your only argument with merit.

Houses in our school zone start at $2mm, and there is 0% free lunch population. I am not worried about violence or dangerous behavior.

Materialism and bullying perhaps, but I imagine these issues are also present at the private school. Probably even more so, since the parents live in an area like this and still choose to shell out $50k/yr per kid for the private school experience.

Lol. How about news of a student bringing a gun to one of the wealthiest schools in Maryland? Is your school immune to it because of your wealth?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1163613.page

[Anonymous]

As others have said I would start in public and see how it goes. Unless your kid has some kind of special emotional or academic need, such as being very advanced academically, getting overwhelmed by crowds, etc. I think it's best to try out public. Save your time and money for private when your kid is in middle school.

[Anonymous]

I will go against the grain and say private is more important now. They need a strong foundation and be around less behavior issues while young. Private school plus doing your due diligence as parents and working with your child outside of school puts you in the best spot for the most opportunities. From there, public middle school could be an option if they have high level honors classes and high school they can take AP classes/IB program. Or they can stay private.

[Anonymous]

Go to the public school. If you don’t like it you can look into private. As others have said, there is no guarantee your child will like the Ms or US is the same place they went to K. Further, there’s also no guarantee you’ll get accepted to the K private school in question.