DH prefers private, I want public

[Anonymous]

If you can afford private go private. To not do so is not in the long term interest of your child(ren). Unfortunately, it is at this point the reality of the public education system, particularly in areas where the school board and administration is democratic leaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Subject says it all. DH and I live in an affluent tri-state area suburb with two young children, a pre-schooler and infant. The public school system here is overall good, although some elementary schools are more highly regarded than others, and the middle and high schools are fine but many families eventually leave for private school.

We live a literally 4 min walk away from one of the "top" elementary schools (rated 9/10 on GreatSchools etc) and it's an incredibly tight knit, down-to-earth community and neighborhood where literally everyone knows and looks out for each other. When we bought our house a few years ago, this was a significant positive and we were both in agreement and thrilled to know that our children would be able to attend such a great school right around the corner. There are a handful of kids in the neighborhood (<10%) who do attend religious private schools and a very small amount who attend the school in question for whatever reason.

Our oldest will be entering K next year, and now my husband has changed his mind and thinks we need to apply to private school now. He is worried that if we wait to apply for middle or high school that it will be much more competitive and we should apply now at K when statistically we have the best chance of getting in, but I'm also not sure the high school at this one is what I want for our child. (There are other more highly regarded private high schools in the area that don't offer a lower/MS).

The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time. And culturally, our current neighborhood is a solid supportive mix of SAHM and working moms, and everyone in between. We did the private school tour this weekend and it seems to be overwhelmingly shiny SAHMs who drive Range Rovers. Also this school is not particularly regarded for being particularly academically rigorous, but rather for creating a very manicured, hand-held community experience.

I'm so upset and angry at him that he would want to pull our son out of such a nurturing community right here that we have come to love, where all of his neighborhood and pre-school buddies are and will get to be together. And selfishly I already have so many mom friends here and I'm afraid the private school moms wouldn't be my people.

The other factor at play is that DH attended private school K-12, I attended a solid public in a district not at all unlike the one where we currently live, and we both got into (and met at) the same elite college.

I am just going to pray we don't actually get accepted to this school and hopefully the decision is made for us.

Why not suggest you try public and if it doesn't worj than look at private?

[Anonymous]

We are private school parents since K but for you, public is a no-brainer. In our case:
- Public school is well-rated but class sizes are large
- Community is okay but not great (very white, less diverse than our private ironically)
- Our private is only 10-15 min away and offers a bus

If I were you I would only agree to apply *if* DH is willing to do 5/10 school runs every week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are private school parents since K but for you, public is a no-brainer. In our case:
- Public school is well-rated but class sizes are large
- Community is okay but not great (very white, less diverse than our private ironically)
- Our private is only 10-15 min away and offers a bus

If I were you I would only agree to apply *if* DH is willing to do 5/10 school runs every week

Forgot to add we liked our private school’s academics which is why we applied. If you do not then you should not apply! Why does DH like it? Other than as a status symbol

[Anonymous]

K-3 public is typically alright most places. Entry years always in 6/9th grades so I would say getting in at 4ty is not always easy. It's hard to say OP. Our public was also amazing but once 4th hit, when kids get older, the class can change from cute nice little ones to out of control kids with teachers who don't know what they're doing if there's too many in a room together. We had to move our kids at 4th to private and have been so much happier. The other thing is your kid may be diagnosed with learning disabilities that do not show up till 2/3/4th grades and you have to then be prepared your school is capable of supporting those. My point is you have no idea how things may evolve so that maybe now does look great but in a few years you may want options.

It's a hard thing depending on your situation because the pros outweigh cons for public today of course. Maybe have a heart to heart with your DH and lay out options that you'll have should Private be needed later but unless he wants to be taxi driver with you, opt for public at least till 3rd?

He's not wrong about getting in but it depends a lot on your options. You should also research not just what your school seems like but in the later grades what they offer. Most people aren't going to have prob with K, 1 or 2nd grades - but in 4th and 5th - why do you think people move to privates starting then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do these posters claiming that all public elementaries are violent and terrible have actual experiences with public?

We have a 2nd grader in a "well-regarded" public school and have never encountered any violent or troubling behavior. We had one teacher we didn't love and that year was tough, but private schools also have a range of teachers and not all of them are the right fit for your child. Overall our experience at the public school has been really great and we like the teachers, administrators, other families and the kids themselves.

I'm sure private schools offer better services in some respects and they may be more responsive to parents since, after all, you are paying them. We'd consider private if we were ever unhappy with the public option, and we're certainly looking seriously at it for MS because I understand there are behavioral issues at our IB MS.

But after 2+ years in public, I can say honestly that it has in fact been a nurturing, positive environment, and we're glad for the school community in the neighborhood, and our kid has lots of wonderful friends. And we've saved thousands of dollars over going the private route, and that's not nothing.

Yes. And I would have sounded like you in elementary.

Public middle school in our supposedly good district was an entirely different matter. My oldest unfortunately went through it until we pulled him. The experience was not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford private go private. To not do so is not in the long term interest of your child(ren). Unfortunately, it is at this point the reality of the public education system, particularly in areas where the school board and administration is democratic leaning.

This is what you will face if you go private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time.

Nope. Tell him that if he wants your child to go to private that he will be the one chauffeuring child to and from school. You are not going to add that drive to your schedule. So, either public or he rearranges his work schedule to do the driving.

But then, I'm a guy who placed top 3% of a large public high school (in another state) and got into a T10 school. And I come from UMC/affluent parents who were able to pay full fare for all three of their kids so that none of us ended with any student debt.

If you would be borrowing from your children's college savings to pay for private school tuition then the answer is definitely no. You only send your kids to private if you can afford to fully pay for their college without loans and still pay for private tuition and any other needs/luxuries that your family wants, like vacations and such. Private school, especially at the ES level is a much lower priority and a luxury, especially when you have a good public nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The school is easily a 20-30 min one way trip during rush hour, so call it an hour round trip, twice a day (!!!!). There is a bus, but not for lower elementary. So realistically I will be the one having to play chauffeur. I work from home with a flexible schedule but this is not how I want to spend my time.

Nope. Tell him that if he wants your child to go to private that he will be the one chauffeuring child to and from school. You are not going to add that drive to your schedule. So, either public or he rearranges his work schedule to do the driving.

But then, I'm a guy who placed top 3% of a large public high school (in another state) and got into a T10 school. And I come from UMC/affluent parents who were able to pay full fare for all three of their kids so that none of us ended with any student debt.

If you would be borrowing from your children's college savings to pay for private school tuition then the answer is definitely no. You only send your kids to private if you can afford to fully pay for their college without loans and still pay for private tuition and any other needs/luxuries that your family wants, like vacations and such. Private school, especially at the ES level is a much lower priority and a luxury, especially when you have a good public nearby.

+1
I went to private and I'm happy with my kids in their good neighborhood public. They are getting an excellent education--and the few areas where I think public school is lacking, we can easily supplement.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

Public elementary is fine unless your child has the misfortune of being stuck in a classroom with a ‘chair thrower.’ Yes, they are even in your wealthy, top public school (thanks special Ed inclusion laws!) and the school administration wouldn’t do anything about it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1154228.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

+1

OP- you and DH should take a look at local private schools (ask around etc) that offer middle school and above. Try to get a sense of likelihood of admission in middle school after public elementary. Or later elementary school admission if public doesn’t work out. Depending on the school, later admission can be a challenge because not many leave…but not true for all schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your glorification of the public school is delusional. Wait until you get a load of the violence and horrible behavior before you decide your public is “nurturing.” Lol

I get that you don’t want to drive that much…that’s your only argument with merit.

Houses in our school zone start at $2mm, and there is 0% free lunch population. I am not worried about violence or dangerous behavior.

Materialism and bullying perhaps, but I imagine these issues are also present at the private school. Probably even more so, since the parents live in an area like this and still choose to shell out $50k/yr per kid for the private school experience.

Haha. You’re in for a little wake up call, unfortunately.

Let me guess, this is your first kid and you haven’t been in a public school since you graduated, right?

+10000 ha! this person sounds like my mom who thought nothing had changed in 30+ yrs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have said, elementary is fine for public. It’s middle school where things go way down hill. Ask me how I know.

Public elementary is fine unless your child has the misfortune of being stuck in a classroom with a ‘chair thrower.’ Yes, they are even in your wealthy, top public school (thanks special Ed inclusion laws!) and the school administration wouldn’t do anything about it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1154228.page

at least that thread is readable albeit comments disabled instead of deleted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is in a public elementary school in DC, and it is absolutely wonderful! Don’t listen to these people who say it’s impossible for a public school to be a good experience.

Really, which one? What are their PARCC scores? How many students stay past 3rd, 4th, 5th?