Moms can totally control their kids social scenes

[Anonymous]

Good. There are a lot of kids that has been patented terribly and are up to nothing good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are left out of things. And sometimes they leave others out. It's truly impossible to invite everyone to everything. I get why someone would be upset if someone has always been included then dropped; but when you aren't invited every single time but you are some times...it's just situational. And I'm not an alpha mom and both my kids are geeky, not popular. Just...how can we fit everyone in our cars? How does it make sense to invite 15 kids to a movie if my kid has hung out with all 15 of them at some point in the past month? It's just logistics sometimes. We don't need to get hurt.

This.

I tell my kid this all the time.

And also, you can’t control other people. You can only control yourself and you can only control how you react to things.

[Anonymous]

I posted above about preferring better behaved kids in my home. If I really like the mom, I may encourage slightly. If my child favors the child, of course that kid wins over child I like mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a friend’s Halloween get together with about six other girls. The mother divided the group in half and had the nanny bring one group trick or treating while the mom brought her daughter and the “popular” girls to trick or treat in the nicer neighborhood.

Why would a middle schooler need a nanny to trick or treat? I call bull.

No drivers. Kids walked from the house in two directions. Nannies or whatever help is called were tasked with overseeing half the group. Supervision for safety? The whole thing was bizarre but real.

Did the mom let parents know the nanny would be driving the kids somewhere without the host? None of this story makes much sense.

[Anonymous]

I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

I’m hosting a bunch of kids at my house today. Invitation is driven by my 12yo son.

I very very occasionally block a kid from coming. There was a kid from elementary who used to push and hit DS so I coached my son to avoid the kid. The mom accused my son of bullying him. School never actually contacted me but I know the school interviewed several kids. I don’t want to deal with the kid or mom so he is not invited to our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

I’m hosting a bunch of kids at my house today. Invitation is driven by my 12yo son.

I very very occasionally block a kid from coming. There was a kid from elementary who used to push and hit DS so I coached my son to avoid the kid. The mom accused my son of bullying him. School never actually contacted me but I know the school interviewed several kids. I don’t want to deal with the kid or mom so he is not invited to our house.

Why the hell is your story relevant to the PP's question? Are you insinuating something about? Sometimes kids are not invited and it has nothing to do with their behavior. So you can take your story and shove it.

Yes, things are nice for your kid now. Other parents can tell tales about their kid's social circle falling apart even as late as college (...my college freshman can't seem to make friends...) A little empathy for those in other social situations would be a redeeming quality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

I’m hosting a bunch of kids at my house today. Invitation is driven by my 12yo son.

I very very occasionally block a kid from coming. There was a kid from elementary who used to push and hit DS so I coached my son to avoid the kid. The mom accused my son of bullying him. School never actually contacted me but I know the school interviewed several kids. I don’t want to deal with the kid or mom so he is not invited to our house.

Why the hell is your story relevant to the PP's question? Are you insinuating something about? Sometimes kids are not invited and it has nothing to do with their behavior. So you can take your story and shove it.

Yes, things are nice for your kid now. Other parents can tell tales about their kid's social circle falling apart even as late as college (...my college freshman can't seem to make friends...) A little empathy for those in other social situations would be a redeeming quality.

I have 3 kids. My oldest just started high school and when he was in middle school, he rarely hung out outside of school. I’m not sure why you are so angry.

My only point was that kids drive these hang outs, not the moms. My kid is not hanging out with the kid of the mom I like best. That may have happened back in preschool but not now in middle school.

I have 4 boys at my house. There were 5th and 6th and 7th boys we could have had but I don’t want too many boys over. That does t mean that they won’t be invited next week but the same kids tend to continue to get together and they are the boys the parents carpool and also host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

I’m hosting a bunch of kids at my house today. Invitation is driven by my 12yo son.

I very very occasionally block a kid from coming. There was a kid from elementary who used to push and hit DS so I coached my son to avoid the kid. The mom accused my son of bullying him. School never actually contacted me but I know the school interviewed several kids. I don’t want to deal with the kid or mom so he is not invited to our house.

Why the hell is your story relevant to the PP's question? Are you insinuating something about? Sometimes kids are not invited and it has nothing to do with their behavior. So you can take your story and shove it.

Yes, things are nice for your kid now. Other parents can tell tales about their kid's social circle falling apart even as late as college (...my college freshman can't seem to make friends...) A little empathy for those in other social situations would be a redeeming quality.

I have 3 kids. My oldest just started high school and when he was in middle school, he rarely hung out outside of school. I’m not sure why you are so angry.

My only point was that kids drive these hang outs, not the moms. My kid is not hanging out with the kid of the mom I like best. That may have happened back in preschool but not now in middle school.

I have 4 boys at my house. There were 5th and 6th and 7th boys we could have had but I don’t want too many boys over. That does t mean that they won’t be invited next week but the same kids tend to continue to get together and they are the boys the parents carpool and also host.

Kids can drive the hangouts. But so can the moms. Mom can suggest and host activities. “Hey Larla, you should invite x and y for a sleepover”. Larla “can I invite Z instead?” And mom “not this time”. — mom knows full well there is no next time.

Just an example of how moms drive this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I have a very social 6 year old daughter. I also don’t want to host too many people at once. The 2 girls she hangs out with most are also daughters of moms I am friends with. We hang out altogether. Then there are 2 friends I am not close with moms. I still do drop off play dates.

They must be so honored

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

+1

It’s an easy excuse rather than trying to figure out what the actual issue is.

[Anonymous]

Funny how dads get a pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Funny how dads get a pass.

I don't give the dads a pass. In my daughters grade the dads are holding secret practices for the rec sports teams only inviting some of the girls and excluding the others. It's gross. And they they lie when called out on it and pretend there wasn't a practice or even when their daughters admit there was they say it was spur of the moment. These are grown men, lying and doing this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of a middle schooler and I am reading all this like some sort of fiction. My son never hangs out with anyone after school. He does have friends at school it seems - as he tells me about sitting with friends at lunch or choosing his cabin mates for a school trip. But nothing outside school. Maybe he is the one frozen out by mean moms…

It seems like at certain middle and elementary schools there is far less outside of school socialization between kids than at other schools. I've found this vibe at schools that are really intense in the academic aspect. It's not good or bad, but since parents have to chauffer everyone at those ages, maybe parents have decided that other things take priority. I remember when one of my kids attended a more laid back school with poorer academics, it seemed like all anyone ever did on the weekends was playdates and hang out (except the sports families).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

+1

It’s an easy excuse rather than trying to figure out what the actual issue is.

My son is good friends with a boy with divorced parents. The boy is very popular. Other parents always have to pick him up and they rarely host but the kid has a ton of friends. I don’t think it is a single mom or divorced mom thing. There is another boy in the group with a single mom. These two boys are the two most popular boys. They are tall, good looking, extremely athletic and very social. Good looks plus superior athletic ability makes boys popular, not the mom’s relationship status.