Moms can totally control their kids social scenes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

+1

It’s an easy excuse rather than trying to figure out what the actual issue is.

My son is good friends with a boy with divorced parents. The boy is very popular. Other parents always have to pick him up and they rarely host but the kid has a ton of friends. I don’t think it is a single mom or divorced mom thing. There is another boy in the group with a single mom. These two boys are the two most popular boys. They are tall, good looking, extremely athletic and very social. Good looks plus superior athletic ability makes boys popular, not the mom’s relationship status.

You’re painting all girls with the same brush, shallow. Plus not every boy who plays a sport in school is Tom Brady or a heartthrob in a 90s movie. Most aren’t. There are many traits that kids have that attract friends.

All I’m saying is that a kid’s parent’s relationship status is not a driver in kids’ friendships.

There is a popular girl in my neighborhood. Her parents are remarried. It sounds like the girl had a lot of friends when she had a single mom and now that she has a stepfather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you exert too much control over which kids your kids are allowed to socialize with and which ones they aren't, it makes it harder for them to develop their own powers of discernment. Kids need to learn through direct experience how to handle bad friendships, and how to be friends with people outside of their parents' small social/cultural bubble. Upper-caste Indian, Orthodox Jewish, and new money WASP parents tend to be the most controlling in my experience. Then they get mad when their early 20-something college grad doesn't get into a top law or med school because their sheltered bubble-child has zero cultural awareness.

What! Lol. How would anyone know what caste someone is? My family is the highest caste of Brahmin and I have discussed this with no one, ever. It's not something you can tell by talking to a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

+1

It’s an easy excuse rather than trying to figure out what the actual issue is.

My son is good friends with a boy with divorced parents. The boy is very popular. Other parents always have to pick him up and they rarely host but the kid has a ton of friends. I don’t think it is a single mom or divorced mom thing. There is another boy in the group with a single mom. These two boys are the two most popular boys. They are tall, good looking, extremely athletic and very social. Good looks plus superior athletic ability makes boys popular, not the mom’s relationship status.

You’re painting all girls with the same brush, shallow. Plus not every boy who plays a sport in school is Tom Brady or a heartthrob in a 90s movie. Most aren’t. There are many traits that kids have that attract friends.

All I’m saying is that a kid’s parent’s relationship status is not a driver in kids’ friendships.

There is a popular girl in my neighborhood. Her parents are remarried. It sounds like the girl had a lot of friends when she had a single mom and now that she has a stepfather.

Single mom here. I carry guilt about a lot of things, but definitely not my kids' social status. One does not impact the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am astounded by how many mean moms live around here. Everyone is always saying to stay out of their teens social lives but parents (moms especially) can and do control everything. If parents want specific friendships only, they organize the social outings to enable that and exclude the kids they don’t want there. Technically it is all fine except moms can be the “mean” kid and leave people out even when they know doing so is hurtful.

Sign. Learning that the meanest girl in MS is a mom.

How old are your kids? I have 8th grade and 12th grade boys and absolutely lost all control of social engineering once my boys hit 6th grade. My kids are highly social and it’s actually concerning how little I know about my 13yr olds social life. He has kids sleep over all the time and I simply have ZERO clue who they are and have to sake for parents phone umbers to even confirm who the bell they are and who to call in an emergency.

Im in a wealthy community in loudoun county. You’d think money would bring this social engineering you speak of, but I don’t see it and my kids have a lot of friends.

[Anonymous]

There are kids who are well-liked and kids who are “cool.” They are not always the same.

“Cool” kids might have nice houses, fancy cars, great clothes. Other kids might envy them, but they may also be vastly unliked. I would not worry about my child being uncool.

Well-liked kids care about each others’ feelings, make other kids feel good, don’t cross boundaries, etc. They are not always “cool.” I do make sure my kids are well-liked. I make sure they are kind, caring and considerate

[Anonymous]

This is one of those things that I wouldn't have believed 5 years ago. But now that my oldest is in Elementary school there are some truly bat shit crazy parents out there. Seems like mostly moms but definitely some insane dads too. We just ignore the whole social scene thing (absent actual bullying or physical danger) and figure our kid's going to be who he is and will just figure it out. Time will tell if we're right.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to??

I was so happy to relinquish that task as soon as I could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am astounded by how many mean moms live around here. Everyone is always saying to stay out of their teens social lives but parents (moms especially) can and do control everything. If parents want specific friendships only, they organize the social outings to enable that and exclude the kids they don’t want there. Technically it is all fine except moms can be the “mean” kid and leave people out even when they know doing so is hurtful.

Sign. Learning that the meanest girl in MS is a mom.

How old are your kids? I have 8th grade and 12th grade boys and absolutely lost all control of social engineering once my boys hit 6th grade. My kids are highly social and it’s actually concerning how little I know about my 13yr olds social life. He has kids sleep over all the time and I simply have ZERO clue who they are and have to sake for parents phone umbers to even confirm who the bell they are and who to call in an emergency.

Im in a wealthy community in loudoun county. You’d think money would bring this social engineering you speak of, but I don’t see it and my kids have a lot of friends.

Oh please. Don’t play ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are kids who are well-liked and kids who are “cool.” They are not always the same.

“Cool” kids might have nice houses, fancy cars, great clothes. Other kids might envy them, but they may also be vastly unliked. I would not worry about my child being uncool.

Well-liked kids care about each others’ feelings, make other kids feel good, don’t cross boundaries, etc. They are not always “cool.” I do make sure my kids are well-liked. I make sure they are kind, caring and considerate

Rich does not equal cool. I have a shy nice boy who does not like attention. He seems well liked but is not very social. He is labeled a rich kid. He is definitely not cool.

I have two other social kids. I don’t think they are cool either. One is normal socially and one is very popular meaning he has a lot of friends and invited to many outings, parties and hang outs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are kids who are well-liked and kids who are “cool.” They are not always the same.

“Cool” kids might have nice houses, fancy cars, great clothes. Other kids might envy them, but they may also be vastly unliked. I would not worry about my child being uncool.

Well-liked kids care about each others’ feelings, make other kids feel good, don’t cross boundaries, etc. They are not always “cool.” I do make sure my kids are well-liked. I make sure they are kind, caring and considerate

Rich does not equal cool. I have a shy nice boy who does not like attention. He seems well liked but is not very social. He is labeled a rich kid. He is definitely not cool.

I have two other social kids. I don’t think they are cool either. One is normal socially and one is very popular meaning he has a lot of friends and invited to many outings, parties and hang outs.

Uncool does not mean unpopular. My kids are uncool, well-liked and very popular. If you have kind, considerate kids, respectful, well-mannered kids, especially ones who are funny, you don’t need to worry about them being socially excluded for being uncool or not well-off or having divorced parents, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are kids who are well-liked and kids who are “cool.” They are not always the same.

“Cool” kids might have nice houses, fancy cars, great clothes. Other kids might envy them, but they may also be vastly unliked. I would not worry about my child being uncool.

Well-liked kids care about each others’ feelings, make other kids feel good, don’t cross boundaries, etc. They are not always “cool.” I do make sure my kids are well-liked. I make sure they are kind, caring and considerate

Rich does not equal cool. I have a shy nice boy who does not like attention. He seems well liked but is not very social. He is labeled a rich kid. He is definitely not cool.

I have two other social kids. I don’t think they are cool either. One is normal socially and one is very popular meaning he has a lot of friends and invited to many outings, parties and hang outs.

Uncool does not mean unpopular. My kids are uncool, well-liked and very popular. If you have kind, considerate kids, respectful, well-mannered kids, especially ones who are funny, you don’t need to worry about them being socially excluded for being uncool or not well-off or having divorced parents, etc

My kids are doing well, but you are either delusional or deceitful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are kids who are well-liked and kids who are “cool.” They are not always the same.

“Cool” kids might have nice houses, fancy cars, great clothes. Other kids might envy them, but they may also be vastly unliked. I would not worry about my child being uncool.

Well-liked kids care about each others’ feelings, make other kids feel good, don’t cross boundaries, etc. They are not always “cool.” I do make sure my kids are well-liked. I make sure they are kind, caring and considerate

Rich does not equal cool. I have a shy nice boy who does not like attention. He seems well liked but is not very social. He is labeled a rich kid. He is definitely not cool.

I have two other social kids. I don’t think they are cool either. One is normal socially and one is very popular meaning he has a lot of friends and invited to many outings, parties and hang outs.

Uncool does not mean unpopular. My kids are uncool, well-liked and very popular. If you have kind, considerate kids, respectful, well-mannered kids, especially ones who are funny, you don’t need to worry about them being socially excluded for being uncool or not well-off or having divorced parents, etc

I was listening to a podcast that said popular kids and adults are friendly social people who like a lot of people so they like others and others like them.

If you don’t like others or don’t like interacting socially, you are not going to be popular. It is less about looks or money and definitely not about the parents. I don’t want to read the whole thread but I’m fairly certain the OP thinks her kid is being excluded because she is a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your kid excluded? There is usually a reason. Is it behavior? Is it personality?

OP - it isn’t either as far as I can tell. Girls still get along great. I am a single parent so I think our family is viewed as broken for no great reason. Like I said, mean mom stuff

Sorry being a single mom is not an excuse. There are plenty of kids with divorced parents at my kid's MS (and even more for my older kid in HS) and there's no connection with exclusion so don't blame your kids issues on that. You're probably sending your kid negative messages on that topic and creating issues if you think that way.

+1

It’s an easy excuse rather than trying to figure out what the actual issue is.

My son is good friends with a boy with divorced parents. The boy is very popular. Other parents always have to pick him up and they rarely host but the kid has a ton of friends. I don’t think it is a single mom or divorced mom thing. There is another boy in the group with a single mom. These two boys are the two most popular boys. They are tall, good looking, extremely athletic and very social. Good looks plus superior athletic ability makes boys popular, not the mom’s relationship status.

You’re painting all girls with the same brush, shallow. Plus not every boy who plays a sport in school is Tom Brady or a heartthrob in a 90s movie. Most aren’t. There are many traits that kids have that attract friends.

All I’m saying is that a kid’s parent’s relationship status is not a driver in kids’ friendships.

There is a popular girl in my neighborhood. Her parents are remarried. It sounds like the girl had a lot of friends when she had a single mom and now that she has a stepfather.

Single mom here. I carry guilt about a lot of things, but definitely not my kids' social status. One does not impact the other.

+1 same