Encouragement with sudden financial instability

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks from OP. Yes, our rental is pricy but about average TBH. We live in Austin and it’s become similar in price to places like DC and Boston. We had planned to renew our lease but then all of this happened and I scrambled to find a rental to move the kids and me to (our prior house cost more).

Their dad actually moved to a different state. He travels for work so much that his company had preferred that he relocate to a different area where they have a HQ. So, he can’t do 50/50 or anywhere near that. He is gone all week and then he says he intends to travel back to TX to see them 1-2 weekends a month. Further he doesn’t WANT 50/50. He won’t change jobs for sure.

I may have to bring in a roommate (I have a boy and a girl and they could share); of course I don’t want a stranger in my space and with young kids. It’s a small space as is; I had to get rid of a lot of furniture and items to get us to fit. I also could ask my landlord to let me sublet given hardship. But then I don’t know where to really go and who would rent to me without a source of income (his name is on my lease because of that as it is) and it would mean likely pulling the kids from their school. All things I have to figure out.

I do have a good attorney. Best in the city, 40 years of experience. So good that the original lawyer my STBX wanted to retain declined to represent him when he saw who was representing me. The issue is the state of TX and it’s unfriendly laws for women (no surprise).

I am looking hard for FT work with benefits and am on wait lists for four after care programs. But there is the rub, right? I can’t pay for after care without income and can’t get a job without after care. Unless I go through my savings.

I know I will be able to figure out something that works. I have no issue doing odd jobs and pet sitting and mid day shift work until I can find something more stable. And if I have to take a loan then I can do it. I am just really struggling with everything, and the financial strain is really scary to be honest. I am literally going to go into debt, deep debt, paying for the repercussions of my cheating husband’s choices, and that will only hurt our children, on top of what he has done to them by destroying their family, stability, and impacting their emotional well-being.

I appreciate the support here, and the fact that the majority of you have been kind in your responses. It took a lot for me to post all of this. So thank you.

His issues are not your problem. He is responsible for 50% of his children. He can either provide that 50% via his time or via money. He does not get to put all childcare time AND money on you. You need to talk to your attorney about this.

[Anonymous]

Does he require a professional license for his work? You could report him to
the board. You really need to get some leverage on him. Gloves off. Maybe you threaten to send a letter to his boss about what he did, report him to a professional board, or take an ad out in the newspaper in his new city saying what he did.

You can also sue the woman whom he had an affair with for breaking up your marriage.

You can also have your divorce lawyer send a note over saying you want another $100,00 of the join assets otherwise you’re going to nail his ass to the wall with the above options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks from OP. Yes, our rental is pricy but about average TBH. We live in Austin and it’s become similar in price to places like DC and Boston. We had planned to renew our lease but then all of this happened and I scrambled to find a rental to move the kids and me to (our prior house cost more).

Their dad actually moved to a different state. He travels for work so much that his company had preferred that he relocate to a different area where they have a HQ. So, he can’t do 50/50 or anywhere near that. He is gone all week and then he says he intends to travel back to TX to see them 1-2 weekends a month. Further he doesn’t WANT 50/50. He won’t change jobs for sure.

I may have to bring in a roommate (I have a boy and a girl and they could share); of course I don’t want a stranger in my space and with young kids. It’s a small space as is; I had to get rid of a lot of furniture and items to get us to fit. I also could ask my landlord to let me sublet given hardship. But then I don’t know where to really go and who would rent to me without a source of income (his name is on my lease because of that as it is) and it would mean likely pulling the kids from their school. All things I have to figure out.

I do have a good attorney. Best in the city, 40 years of experience. So good that the original lawyer my STBX wanted to retain declined to represent him when he saw who was representing me. The issue is the state of TX and it’s unfriendly laws for women (no surprise).

I am looking hard for FT work with benefits and am on wait lists for four after care programs. But there is the rub, right? I can’t pay for after care without income and can’t get a job without after care. Unless I go through my savings.

I know I will be able to figure out something that works. I have no issue doing odd jobs and pet sitting and mid day shift work until I can find something more stable. And if I have to take a loan then I can do it. I am just really struggling with everything, and the financial strain is really scary to be honest. I am literally going to go into debt, deep debt, paying for the repercussions of my cheating husband’s choices, and that will only hurt our children, on top of what he has done to them by destroying their family, stability, and impacting their emotional well-being.

I appreciate the support here, and the fact that the majority of you have been kind in your responses. It took a lot for me to post all of this. So thank you.

His issues are not your problem. He is responsible for 50% of his children. He can either provide that 50% via his time or via money. He does not get to put all childcare time AND money on you. You need to talk to your attorney about this.

This. Your attorney does not sound very good OP.

[Anonymous]

Op I’d get a new lawyer or shop around. This one doesn’t seem to understand how to work the system. He can’t just abdicate his role as a dad and leave you all in poverty. I like the idea someone brought up of nanny and getting your kids aftercare. I’d see you can find a flexible family that would be okay with your kids coming on school days off.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry that you're going through this. If you aren't otherwise bound to Austin and you have family you like and can get a job where they are, I'd really consider leaving after this school year. Your lease will be up, your kids are young, and you could use the support. Sounds like you have the savings to make it that long. Maybe you have a great support network in ATX but it's going to be hard to make it there as a single mom with no family. Or rather it could be easier back home. Maybe not, but something to think about. Kids might benefit from having cousins etc around. And F your ex for doing that to you and his children.

[Anonymous]

I was unaware that he could just move to another state and "work" the TX divorce laws even though he is no longer a resident.

What state is he living in now? Is there anyone to advise you if there is an opportunity to take advantage of his new residence?

[Anonymous]

Op you need to get a second lawyer opinion quickly! The child support formula can have exceptions by judges and your case would be a great candidate since he has literally moved away and cannot offer any reliable childcare support.

[Anonymous]

If that child support max is even accurate (and how could it be?) it has to be presuming 50/50 custody which is not your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you need to get a second lawyer opinion quickly! The child support formula can have exceptions by judges and your case would be a great candidate since he has literally moved away and cannot offer any reliable childcare support.

This. Your lawyer doesn’t sound very good, and I say this as a lawyer myself.

[Anonymous]

Why are you staying in Austin if the cost of living is high? Move home and let your parents help you get back on your feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you staying in Austin if the cost of living is high? Move home and let your parents help you get back on your feet.

+1

OP you’re being irrational about your lease. Tell your landlord your circumstances have changed and you need to get out of it.

They can’t make you pay the full lease term and ALSO re-rent it, plus they must make an effort to re-rent it. Even if your lease says something else, that’s the law.

[Anonymous]

OP, looking longer term would an au pair be cost effective? You said your kids could share a room. I assume an au pair would be more comfortable to live with than a complete stranger. It may also reduce your child care costs. Good luck! You can do this!

[Anonymous]

I can't find it now but I thought you wrote that x-DH co-signed on your lease. If that is correct doesn't that rope him into paying at least half the rent + some reasonable amount more for child care, food, clothing, etc.? You might have to move after this first year, but if the man is on the lease it can't be all on your shoulders to pay that and everything else.

[Anonymous]

File an emergency temporary child support and alimony case against him STAT.