Encouragement with sudden financial instability

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What state? So, both kids are at school? What are the hours?
You can easily watch someone else's child when your own kids are at school. You can also work lunch shift in a restaurant. Restaurants are very busy right now and also flexible. You can easily call in sick if your children get sick.
Been there done that, but since my ex never supported me really, it didn't make a difference. I got $400 a month and even that he stopped paying.
$100k in savings can easily bring in $400 a month in HYSA.

TX. Yes, I’ve been looking at SitterCity for babysitting jobs. No restaurant experience but that’s a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See if you qualify for a QDRO in case he has a 401k at work. Also, who’s going to cover the family health insurance?

https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/ebsa/about-ebsa/our-activities/resource-center/faqs/qdro-overview.pdf

Yes, looking at this now as we originally agreed to each keep our own retirement accounts. I think I am eligible for a portion of his contributions during length of marriage.

The kids will be on his medical coverage but I lose coverage. I will go on state aid or pay OOP unless I get a job with benefits.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re doing everything right and it does sound very hard.

Just curious-why wouldn’t selling your rings be high on the list? Why is there any hesitation to do that at all?

[Anonymous]

There’s no hesitation to sell my rings! I just don’t want to pawn them so am trying to consign this week. Definitely don’t want to pass them along to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t get to just not help pay camp and childcare expenses. He is also a parent and child support alone is a joke in most states. If you truly have the kids 99% of the week, your child support should be adjusted accordingly. For example, in VA there are two formulas; one for most custody splits and one in situations where one parent has fewer than 95 x 24 hour periods with their children. The parent with far less custody has to pay more.

I know lawyers are expensive but DO NOT let him steamroll you because you are afraid of having to pay a good lawyer.

+1 my sister was thrifty on the legal support during her divorce and paid for it dearly over the years. Invest some time and money here to make sure you turn over every leaf on what you and your kids will need and should expect. Don’t count on any amicable generosity later. One of her kids has expensive out-of-pocket medical needs and she is solely responsible even the ex makes 5x her salary.

[Anonymous]

What is his income?
What do you mean by your lease is "ironclad"? How long is it? What is the monthly rent? Is there room to sublet a room to someone else?
What is the monthly child support amount? Has it been adjusted to reflect that you have custody 99% of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t get to just not help pay camp and childcare expenses. He is also a parent and child support alone is a joke in most states. If you truly have the kids 99% of the week, your child support should be adjusted accordingly. For example, in VA there are two formulas; one for most custody splits and one in situations where one parent has fewer than 95 x 24 hour periods with their children. The parent with far less custody has to pay more.

I know lawyers are expensive but DO NOT let him steamroll you because you are afraid of having to pay a good lawyer.

+1 my sister was thrifty on the legal support during her divorce and paid for it dearly over the years. Invest some time and money here to make sure you turn over every leaf on what you and your kids will need and should expect. Don’t count on any amicable generosity later. One of her kids has expensive out-of-pocket medical needs and she is solely responsible even the ex makes 5x her salary.

This. Remember, he already hired an aggressive attorney. Don't bring a knife to this gun fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What state? So, both kids are at school? What are the hours?
You can easily watch someone else's child when your own kids are at school. You can also work lunch shift in a restaurant. Restaurants are very busy right now and also flexible. You can easily call in sick if your children get sick.
Been there done that, but since my ex never supported me really, it didn't make a difference. I got $400 a month and even that he stopped paying.
$100k in savings can easily bring in $400 a month in HYSA.

TX. Yes, I’ve been looking at SitterCity for babysitting jobs. No restaurant experience but that’s a good idea.

I am having a hard time understanding how the max child support in TX, which is $2500 for two kids is half your rent. If you are renting a place that costs $5k in TX, you are doing something wrong!

Also, you need to lawyer up for the sake of your kids. They deserve more than this shitty deal.

[Anonymous]

If you live near an affluent area, be a professional organizer or housekeeper while your kids are in school. Organizers make big money where I live...decluttering, cleaning out closets, etc... Housekeepers run errands, straighten up, manage tasks, etc... You could drive Uber during the day or substitute teach or start a business. Look at this situation as an opportunity rather than a challenge. You get to reinvent yourself. As far as the legal stuff goes, I would definitely push back on your soon to be ex's rebuffing of the agreement.

[Anonymous]

I know this wouldn’t work since you have your kids 99% of the time, but if you ever have more of a shared custody schedule, I have seen Airbnb listings for people
Who rent out their houses when their kids are gone. I suppose your lease wouldn’t allow it though.

Donating plasma I’ve heard can be a money maker. So sorry you’re in this difficult situation.

Does your 401k allow loans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t get to just not help pay camp and childcare expenses. He is also a parent and child support alone is a joke in most states. If you truly have the kids 99% of the week, your child support should be adjusted accordingly. For example, in VA there are two formulas; one for most custody splits and one in situations where one parent has fewer than 95 x 24 hour periods with their children. The parent with far less custody has to pay more.

I know lawyers are expensive but DO NOT let him steamroll you because you are afraid of having to pay a good lawyer.

+1 my sister was thrifty on the legal support during her divorce and paid for it dearly over the years. Invest some time and money here to make sure you turn over every leaf on what you and your kids will need and should expect. Don’t count on any amicable generosity later. One of her kids has expensive out-of-pocket medical needs and she is solely responsible even the ex makes 5x her salary.

This. Remember, he already hired an aggressive attorney. Don't bring a knife to this gun fight.

This. The attorney is just doing his job but has to have DH's support in this move, which is telling. YOu need to hire an equally aggressive attorney. don't do anything else until you do that.

[Anonymous]

You will be okay, OP. Frugal, thifty, conservative people can absolutely rebuild solid financial footing, especially now that you have shed the baggage of a cheating POS.

Just breathe. Even if you need to rely on savings in the short term to rebuild a decent income in the long term is definitely worth it.

Don't let your crappy ex sandbag you. Lawyer up as needed. Money is a tool to give you options. Don't be so fearful of losing it that you don't use it as needed.

[Anonymous]

Can you work as a high paid nanny? I did that when my son was younger. He went to before/after care. I made good money (just under $100k). You have a ton of money with the $100k so don’t worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is his income?
What do you mean by your lease is "ironclad"? How long is it? What is the monthly rent? Is there room to sublet a room to someone else?
What is the monthly child support amount? Has it been adjusted to reflect that you have custody 99% of the time?

He makes about $160k. My rent is $3600 for three bedrooms (myself and two kids). It is surprisingly average in our area. I just signed a lease for a year that doesn’t permit subletters so am locked in for 11 more months minimum. TX doesn’t adjust child support for percentage time; I am maxed out as is ($1600) for state limit.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is often financially ruinous for everyone involved, but especially women, many of whom have made the same choices as you and are subsequently swimming hard up the same stream.

How I dealt with it was that I accepted that I would accrue some debt in order to stabilize my life. I don't think you will even have to do that, because you have a lot in savings. Maybe not longterm, but with that $100k, you can wait out the rest of your lease making ends meet as best you can and then move somewhere with better options. Once I accepted the reality that divorce is expensive AND that I was deciding that the expense was worth it for me, it was easier to not cringe every time a bill from the lawyer came or whatever.

It sounds like you're reeling because you had been operating collaboratively and he basically trashed that plan. But "state ordered support" is probably a lot more than you think. Maybe have your lawyer reassess the situation to get a better deal for you in the non-collaborative situation you are now in.