Too tired to care for my mom, who wants to live onto her mid 90’s…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 78yo father who wants to live for another 20. I am 47 and I am not sure I can care for him that long. He is relatively healthy so far but I will be aging as will he! Oh well.
My plan is to have in home support for him - I will be his caregiver and will be paid for it as he has no money. NY and CA are the places to be if you don’t have assets to your name.

Can you say more about this? I’m in NY and would like to move my mother closer to me but assumed it would be prohibitively expensive.

I don’t know any details about NY (I am in CA) but basically you treat your mom as her own household, get her an income restricted apartment (not section 8 but just lower cost) if at all possible. If she doesn’t have many assets and her income is under a certain limit she can get in home support from the state. She gets hours and you are licensed as a caregiver and provide support, or you hire someone else to do it.
Many Americans aren’t eligible because they have IRA and 401k distributions and high SSA benefits but many foreign born parents who came via family migration are, as they don’t have anything saved.

Forgot to add that for the purposes of applying for housing or in home support your mom is on her own income only (even if she lives with you as you aren’t legally obligated to support another adult) and if that income is not enough then you are formally her sponsor (you give her X amount per month).
But she needs to not have too much income from her distributions!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My vague plan is to go to the assisted suicide Pegasos clinic in Basel if I’m ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or something where it will clearly be a long, horrible, irreversible decline. Last I heard it was $11,000 and no terminal illness diagnosis required.

If a person decides to sign ip for this, what about the life insurance aspect? I’d want to leave family something.

Well, you can leave them your estate but no, you can’t do a planned suicide and then expect a life insurance payout.

I actually asked about this years ago, in a joking way when getting our life insurance policies (10-year term) in place. I was told that after a 2-year period, even death by suicide would be covered. I believe that the thinking was that after 2 years, even if a person had purchased a policy with the intent to kill himself, by the 2-year mark the original impulse would have passed. Not sure if this applies to all policies so I would check the details of your particular policy.

[Anonymous]

I agree, this thread and most of the posters are horrible. You are gross and barely human.

[Anonymous]

My grandma is 97 and lives in independent senior apartments. They’re the nice ones, with actual good food and some home-cleaning help, and she’s having the time of her life!

My mother is 76 but in poor health. She’s also in an independent senior apartment but is chronically ill and cannot handle the activities of daily life on her own. She’s low-income, so the state pays for an aide who is both logistical help and daily company, and she’s doing great.

So based on their experience, I have no fear of getting elderly. (I’m already chronically ill, so I know what it means to watch your body fall apart but also know that for me that’s worth the extra years.) What I worry about is being in a situation where I can’t get the kinds of help both my grandmother and mother have. If you’re not rich enough to pay for help or poor enough to have state-funded support, I don’t know how people get by!