Asking My In-Laws to Leave Dog at Home When They Come for Birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: sounds like a lot of yall have vindictive families. My ILs aren't going to cancel on us if we ask them not to bring the dog. We're giving them 6 weeks notice and they can bring her next time when our household isn't in the midst of a major change.

And yes, we have lots of other people who could come. My parents came for the birth of our first, so now we're letting ILs have a chance to be here for the birth. They want to come and keep telling us how excited they are. They didn't meet their first grandchild for 2 months because of illness, so we wanted them to have this opportunity. I definitely don't think they feel put upon for being there for family.

DH reminded me that our dog was super protective of our son when he was first born which makes me even more sure that we don't want a dog around who is known to try to provoke. Also, the dog was never explicitly invited, she just showed up one time and kept coming whenever they drive rather than fly, which up until now has always been fine.

I consider myself a dog mom, but I also know as a pet parent I need to respect other people's boundaries and never take my dog anywhere without making sure everyone is good with it.

You mean dog owner. You didn’t give birth to the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no dog. If you want to be diplomatic, say you mentioned it to your pediatrician or veterinarian and they said it wasn’t advisable (it’s not).

People can see right through this. Please don’t. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: If them coming and for the length they are coming IS a favor to you, you and DH have no power.

If you are doing them a favor by inviting them into your home, without expecting anything in return, YOU and DH can set the rules.

These are in-laws - so, your DH communicates decisions/rules.

What weird rules you have made for your life. I don’t agree with you at all. If I asked someone to help me, they don’t get to do whatever they want in providing that help. Geez. I’d hate to have you as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im a lot older than you and I read the whole thread. I totally get the irritation. But for me, unless I thought my ILs would be fine, I would suck it up while complaining as much as I wanted to complain to my spouse. And asking for special treatment. Life is long and it’s always a bad idea to be short sighted about things that could be relationship changing.

This is not a good relationship dynamic! Either say no or deal with it, but don’t just say yes and complain to your spouse and expect special treatment about something no longer in his control. I mean what the what?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that would cost me about $2k.

So just say you can't come. I mean, do you never ever leave your dog and go on vacation? Do you honestly impose your dog on everyone you visit? I love dogs and have one, but we board him when necessary, and yes, it's super expensive but that's just how it is when you have a dog.

DP. We have family watch our dog because we have great family who don’t view our family structure, which absolutely includes our dog, as a burden. Op sounds like family I wouldn’t want to have and it makes me more grateful for mine! They’re great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no dog. If you want to be diplomatic, say you mentioned it to your pediatrician or veterinarian and they said it wasn’t advisable (it’s not).

People can see right through this. Please don’t. Just say no.

No pediatrician would say a grandparent’s dog is not advisable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: sounds like a lot of yall have vindictive families. My ILs aren't going to cancel on us if we ask them not to bring the dog. We're giving them 6 weeks notice and they can bring her next time when our household isn't in the midst of a major change.

And yes, we have lots of other people who could come. My parents came for the birth of our first, so now we're letting ILs have a chance to be here for the birth. They want to come and keep telling us how excited they are. They didn't meet their first grandchild for 2 months because of illness, so we wanted them to have this opportunity. I definitely don't think they feel put upon for being there for family.

DH reminded me that our dog was super protective of our son when he was first born which makes me even more sure that we don't want a dog around who is known to try to provoke. Also, the dog was never explicitly invited, she just showed up one time and kept coming whenever they drive rather than fly, which up until now has always been fine.

I consider myself a dog mom, but I also know as a pet parent I need to respect other people's boundaries and never take my dog anywhere without making sure everyone is good with it.

You mean dog owner. You didn’t give birth to the dog.

We all understand biology but who cares if someone says dog mom? Are you the crazy person who started a thread about this a while ago? Please get a hobby and stop trying to control how people label themselves or their relationships. It does not impact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow that would cost me about $2k.

So just say you can't come. I mean, do you never ever leave your dog and go on vacation? Do you honestly impose your dog on everyone you visit? I love dogs and have one, but we board him when necessary, and yes, it's super expensive but that's just how it is when you have a dog.

DP. We have family watch our dog because we have great family who don’t view our family structure, which absolutely includes our dog, as a burden. Op sounds like family I wouldn’t want to have and it makes me more grateful for mine! They’re great!

You did read that usually both the OP and her ILs bring their dogs to each other, right? It’s this particular circumstance, where OP will be dealing with a newborn, where she is asking for their dog to stay elsewhere. She also has another child and a dog—it’s a lot. I wouldn’t want to have someone as comprehension-challenged as you for family, to be frank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no dog. If you want to be diplomatic, say you mentioned it to your pediatrician or veterinarian and they said it wasn’t advisable (it’s not).

People can see right through this. Please don’t. Just say no.

I promise if you ask a pediatrician or a veterinarian whether it’s a good idea, they will say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no dog. If you want to be diplomatic, say you mentioned it to your pediatrician or veterinarian and they said it wasn’t advisable (it’s not).

People can see right through this. Please don’t. Just say no.

No pediatrician would say a grandparent’s dog is not advisable.

They absolutely would if it’s noisy and fights with the other dog. Our pediatrician suggested sending *our own* quiet and well behaved dog out for a the first newborn week.

[Anonymous]

OP, I love my pups but wouldn't bat an eye if a new mom I was traveling to see/help asked me to leave doggo at home. I would just explain you'd like to keep the house as calm and quiet as humanely possible for this trip. If they get bent out of shape, that is on them.

I get worrying that things can get blown out-of-proportion though. My ILs will often tell us what works best for them when it comes to visiting, etc. and act like the sky is falling if we let them know something or other doesn't work for us. It used to make me feel guilty, but after they threw a fit because we asked them to come on a different week than the one they proposed to meet (not help, meet) our second kid when he was a newborn...I sorta said to hell with it. They refused to meet him until he was five months. Ending up hurting them much more than it hurt us.

Now my rule is just to always be polite and welcoming within reason, but don't feel bad for setting reasonable boundaries or making simple requests.

Not wanting another dog around when you're about to pop/caring for a newborn is definitely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are planning to come for at least 2 weeks before/after birth of baby #2 to help out with our older child. They usually bring their dog when they come and we usually take our dog when we go see them. Their dog is fine, but I have some issues with her: she can be noisy, chews on my son's toys, starts shit with our dog, and she can get stinky when she goes outside.

I think I'm also annoyed bc my in-laws are staying longer than initially planned bc they are having work done at their house and they're also planning to attend an event with friends while they're here. So I kind of feel like they're not just coming to help, but also because it meets their needs.

It also just feels like too much extra going on when I'm going to a) be super pregnant and b) have a newborn and be immediately postpartum.

My husband says he'll back me up either way, but he doesn't get why I don't want the dog to come.

Does asking them to board the dog at home seem unreasonable?

No based on these two things - "chews on my son's toys, starts shit with our dog." Assuming the older child is 3+ and the dog has been at your house throughout the child's life even the first is totally unacceptable. Crate it or keep it on a leash?

Mine were come to the house help with everything. They brought their dog which was an elderly well behaved labrador retriever. I had a young well trained labrador.