Asking My In-Laws to Leave Dog at Home When They Come for Birth

[Anonymous]

I mean, just phrase it as if you were travelling to IL's house to help them recover from a surgery, you wouldn't bring your dog either.

[Anonymous]

Have your DH handle.

ITA with you. Too much.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no dog. If you want to be diplomatic, say you mentioned it to your pediatrician or veterinarian and they said it wasn’t advisable (it’s not).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

Ew, yourself. OP is the one having her inlaws come. Why are they the chosen ones? Where is everyone else?

Um, ask OP. But if you only have one set of ILs for help, I feel sorry for you. The fact that you don’t understand that OP likely has neighbors, friends, and her own family that can help is weird. Just because this is the plan (for now) doesn’t mean it is the only option.

I did ask OP what the plan was Then you or someone came along with your comments. Unless you're OP nobody cares about your snark.

You weren’t asking, you were being sarcastic and trying to make a point. You failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

Ew, yourself. OP is the one having her inlaws come. Why are they the chosen ones? Where is everyone else?

Um, ask OP. But if you only have one set of ILs for help, I feel sorry for you. The fact that you don’t understand that OP likely has neighbors, friends, and her own family that can help is weird. Just because this is the plan (for now) doesn’t mean it is the only option.

I did ask OP what the plan was Then you or someone came along with your comments. Unless you're OP nobody cares about your snark.

You weren’t asking, you were being sarcastic and trying to make a point. You failed.

Whatever weirdo. You're not OP, nobody cares what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: sounds like a lot of yall have vindictive families. My ILs aren't going to cancel on us if we ask them not to bring the dog. We're giving them 6 weeks notice and they can bring her next time when our household isn't in the midst of a major change.

And yes, we have lots of other people who could come. My parents came for the birth of our first, so now we're letting ILs have a chance to be here for the birth. They want to come and keep telling us how excited they are. They didn't meet their first grandchild for 2 months because of illness, so we wanted them to have this opportunity. I definitely don't think they feel put upon for being there for family.

DH reminded me that our dog was super protective of our son when he was first born which makes me even more sure that we don't want a dog around who is known to try to provoke. Also, the dog was never explicitly invited, she just showed up one time and kept coming whenever they drive rather than fly, which up until now has always been fine.

I consider myself a dog mom, but I also know as a pet parent I need to respect other people's boundaries and never take my dog anywhere without making sure everyone is good with it.

If they're not going to cancel and you have plenty of people in line to step in, why do you care if telling them to not bring the dog is unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Im a lot older than you and I read the whole thread. I totally get the irritation. But for me, unless I thought my ILs would be fine, I would suck it up while complaining as much as I wanted to complain to my spouse. And asking for special treatment. Life is long and it’s always a bad idea to be short sighted about things that could be relationship changing.

[Anonymous]

Wow that would cost me about $2k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did this. Part of it was that ILs hate each other and triangulate through the dog, so they are both obsessed over the dog's needs as a way of relating to each other. Wasn't going to deal with that dynamic during the crucial entry period. Second, and more important, we had dogs. We needed our dogs to become acclimated to a new baby. It was just too much for them to do that with the high energy IL dog disrupting the schedule. ILs had someone watch the dog for the week. As it was, FIL spent most of the time muttering about how the dog can come next time, wouldn't have been a disruption, etc. And MIL was pretty useless with the baby. Would have been easier without them. They stuck to their schedules and didn't understand that we had to sleep when the baby slept. Bottom line: they're either there to help and understand the massive disruption a baby brings (And that is the central and only concern), or it's better if they don't come for so long. If the dog becomes a "thing," that's your answer as to whether they will be helpful.

Your ils are fascinating in the worst way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow that would cost me about $2k.

So just say you can't come. I mean, do you never ever leave your dog and go on vacation? Do you honestly impose your dog on everyone you visit? I love dogs and have one, but we board him when necessary, and yes, it's super expensive but that's just how it is when you have a dog.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds insanely reasonable. Anyone who thinks a newly minted mom of two should suck it up for her IL's dog is out of their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: sounds like a lot of yall have vindictive families. My ILs aren't going to cancel on us if we ask them not to bring the dog. We're giving them 6 weeks notice and they can bring her next time when our household isn't in the midst of a major change.

And yes, we have lots of other people who could come. My parents came for the birth of our first, so now we're letting ILs have a chance to be here for the birth. They want to come and keep telling us how excited they are. They didn't meet their first grandchild for 2 months because of illness, so we wanted them to have this opportunity. I definitely don't think they feel put upon for being there for family.

DH reminded me that our dog was super protective of our son when he was first born which makes me even more sure that we don't want a dog around who is known to try to provoke. Also, the dog was never explicitly invited, she just showed up one time and kept coming whenever they drive rather than fly, which up until now has always been fine.

I consider myself a dog mom, but I also know as a pet parent I need to respect other people's boundaries and never take my dog anywhere without making sure everyone is good with it.

OK, so tell them no dog, just for this visit. If they cancel that's their decision. Or they may adjust plans and not stay so long. You have back up so there shouldn't be a problem, right?

Is there boarding close to you? Is there somewhere you have left your dog? That might ease some concerns they may have.

I clearly recall my parents leaving our dog for 10 days. He didn’t eat the whole time we were gone. He was so sick that the get wasn't sure he would make it. When my dad picked him up the owners didn't even know which kennel he was in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly i have to wonder how many grouchy mils are on here when I see so many people being harsh with op. If the in laws are at all normal, they would want to come see their new grand baby anyway, yet people are acting like they are getting a really raw deal “having” to come help (a bit) such that it’s only fair for op to put up with a stressful and unwanted extra dog in the home w her toddler and newborn.

Who are you people? Where do you come from that grandparents don’t want to come visit and help some when a new baby is born (or do so only if it’s entirely convenient to them?)

These are women and perhaps men who hate women.

[Anonymous]

*vet not get

[Anonymous]

OP, can you find them a pet-friendly air bnb or hotel nearby? Because I think that would solve a lot of the problems here all at once: your concern about them coming and going too much and causing extra chaos, your concern about the dog, etc. You can offer to cover part of the cost.