Asking My In-Laws to Leave Dog at Home When They Come for Birth

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are planning to come for at least 2 weeks before/after birth of baby #2 to help out with our older child. They usually bring their dog when they come and we usually take our dog when we go see them. Their dog is fine, but I have some issues with her: she can be noisy, chews on my son's toys, starts shit with our dog, and she can get stinky when she goes outside.

I think I'm also annoyed bc my in-laws are staying longer than initially planned bc they are having work done at their house and they're also planning to attend an event with friends while they're here. So I kind of feel like they're not just coming to help, but also because it meets their needs.

It also just feels like too much extra going on when I'm going to a) be super pregnant and b) have a newborn and be immediately postpartum.

My husband says he'll back me up either way, but he doesn't get why I don't want the dog to come.

Does asking them to board the dog at home seem unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

Totally reasonable, do so as early as possible so they can make arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Sounds totally reasonable. But I’d probably couch it as you feeling like it’s just too much, rather than telling them you have issues with their dog. Unless the dog won’t be welcome back ever, then I’d be honest that the dog won’t be welcome in the future.

[Anonymous]

Are you okay with them not coming to help?

Two weeks of kenelling can be expensive and some people and dogs are just not a good match for kennels.

Can you find a way to make the dog work if you need them for support?

I think it is fine they do other things during the 2 weeks. You will be glad to have them out of the house sometimes and you don't need everyone there helping you all the time.

[Anonymous]

Are you planning to pay for the 2 weeks boarding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to pay for the 2 weeks boarding?

This isn’t necessary. The dog is a responsibility that the ILs took on willingly. They can’t expect to foist the expense and inconvenience on everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to pay for the 2 weeks boarding?

This isn’t necessary. The dog is a responsibility that the ILs took on willingly. They can’t expect to foist the expense and inconvenience on everyone else.

They can when OP is expecting free help for 2 weeks. I doubt they find it convenient to decamp for somewhere else without their pet and now with added expense.

[Anonymous]

Your dog won’t be able to go to their house now either.

[Anonymous]

OP here: They are getting something in return by not having to find somewhere else to stay while their house is being worked on. They also have a good place to board their dog that they ha e used for years. My son is in school so it's not like we're asking for constant help. We need someone to be with him while we're at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

I also don’t understand why you are suddenly not OK with their dog coming. Personally I think you are being irrational BUT it’s your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to pay for the 2 weeks boarding?

This isn’t necessary. The dog is a responsibility that the ILs took on willingly. They can’t expect to foist the expense and inconvenience on everyone else.

They can when OP is expecting free help for 2 weeks. I doubt they find it convenient to decamp for somewhere else without their pet and now with added expense.

If you read the OP, you’ll see it’s actually very convenient for the ILs. If they couldn’t stay at OP’s would they have to board the dog?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: They are getting something in return by not having to find somewhere else to stay while their house is being worked on. They also have a good place to board their dog that they ha e used for years. My son is in school so it's not like we're asking for constant help. We need someone to be with him while we're at the hospital.

Given all of this info I would feel 100% ok in asking them to not bring the dog

[Anonymous]

We did this. Part of it was that ILs hate each other and triangulate through the dog, so they are both obsessed over the dog's needs as a way of relating to each other. Wasn't going to deal with that dynamic during the crucial entry period. Second, and more important, we had dogs. We needed our dogs to become acclimated to a new baby. It was just too much for them to do that with the high energy IL dog disrupting the schedule. ILs had someone watch the dog for the week. As it was, FIL spent most of the time muttering about how the dog can come next time, wouldn't have been a disruption, etc. And MIL was pretty useless with the baby. Would have been easier without them. They stuck to their schedules and didn't understand that we had to sleep when the baby slept. Bottom line: they're either there to help and understand the massive disruption a baby brings (And that is the central and only concern), or it's better if they don't come for so long. If the dog becomes a "thing," that's your answer as to whether they will be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you planning to pay for the 2 weeks boarding?

This isn’t necessary. The dog is a responsibility that the ILs took on willingly. They can’t expect to foist the expense and inconvenience on everyone else.

They can when OP is expecting free help for 2 weeks. I doubt they find it convenient to decamp for somewhere else without their pet and now with added expense.

If you read the OP, you’ll see it’s actually very convenient for the ILs. If they couldn’t stay at OP’s would they have to board the dog?

But suddenly not being able to bring the dog might be a deal breaker. And maybe they wouldn't be gone for 2 weeks or more if it was just to be out for some house work and the chance meeting with a friend. OP can ask them and find out. But it's not so easy to find someone to drop everything and race to your house when you go into labor. So, the upside is mostly on OPs side here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also don’t understand why you are suddenly not OK with their dog coming. Personally I think you are being irrational BUT it’s your house.

I’m with OP on this one; a loud dog that doesn’t always get along with the other dog + a newborn doesn’t sound ideal.

I’m sure manageable but I understand her preference