Asking My In-Laws to Leave Dog at Home When They Come for Birth

[Anonymous]

The lady who just had a baby has the final say. It’s whatever makes your life easier. But you have to be OK if they choose not to come.

It’s very reasonable to ask not to have another dog in the house just after having a newborn. I love dogs, foster dogs and have more than a handful of kids and say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

Ew, yourself. OP is the one having her inlaws come. Why are they the chosen ones? Where is everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The lady who just had a baby has the final say. It’s whatever makes your life easier. But you have to be OK if they choose not to come.

It’s very reasonable to ask not to have another dog in the house just after having a newborn. I love dogs, foster dogs and have more than a handful of kids and say this.

This. OP's house, OP's newborn, OP's decision. But it's possible they may not come if the dog is not allowed. That's their decision, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

You need to re-read the original post, that is not the situation at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

Ew, yourself. OP is the one having her inlaws come. Why are they the chosen ones? Where is everyone else?

Um, ask OP. But if you only have one set of ILs for help, I feel sorry for you. The fact that you don’t understand that OP likely has neighbors, friends, and her own family that can help is weird. Just because this is the plan (for now) doesn’t mean it is the only option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

“Help” that extends their stay significantly because it is convenient and brings an annoying dog with them can stay home. That’s not “help,” that’s a nuisance.

Then they can simply say "thanks, but no thanks." What is Plan B for going to the hospital for delivery? Who will watch the other child and dog?

OP’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), neighbor, friend, babysitter, the list goes on and on. Do you have no one in your life to help but your ILs? Ew, what’s that like?

Ew, yourself. OP is the one having her inlaws come. Why are they the chosen ones? Where is everyone else?

Um, ask OP. But if you only have one set of ILs for help, I feel sorry for you. The fact that you don’t understand that OP likely has neighbors, friends, and her own family that can help is weird. Just because this is the plan (for now) doesn’t mean it is the only option.

I did ask OP what the plan was Then you or someone came along with your comments. Unless you're OP nobody cares about your snark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be careful. I've found with family and dogs, it's tit for tat - if I can't bring my dog to your house, then you can't bring your dog to my house. You have a history of everyone bringing their dogs when they visit each other. Are you ok with boarding your dog in future when you visit them? The ILs probably think they are doing you a favor, even though there are things in it for them, so this request might not go over well.

That said, if the dog is going to be loud and aggravate your dog (who is going through changes with a new baby at home) or stress you over the top, you are within your rights to ask that it get boarded. It's ok to state your concerns that you appreciate their help and you love the dog and normally you'd be fine with it coming, but 2 weeks of visiting might be too much for your dog and you, given that this will be an unusually stressful time for your family and everyone needs to acclimate to a new normal.

Dog owners are so annoying. BOARD YOUR DAMN DOGS.

OP is a dog owner, too and usually takes her dog to the IL's. This is a one off thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

You need to re-read the original post, that is not the situation at all.

Nah you need to re-read it, cuz that’s exactly the situation. Also wtf if I was going to someone else’s house for an extended time to help them that’s exactly when I’d schedule my bathroom remodel who wouldn’t?!

My FIL is a guaranteed 100x more nuisance than any damn dog and you can’t usually lock him in a closet but when you need help you need help so yup he gets to come along. OP’s going to regret burning a bridge with family who apparently is willing to help when OP needs and wants it.

also, the posters who compare family help to neighbor help are very funny and apparently do not have good family. I have the best neighbors in the world and I’d say mediocre family, and the help and comfort level with asking for favors is not even in the same league.

[Anonymous]

Honestly i have to wonder how many grouchy mils are on here when I see so many people being harsh with op. If the in laws are at all normal, they would want to come see their new grand baby anyway, yet people are acting like they are getting a really raw deal “having” to come help (a bit) such that it’s only fair for op to put up with a stressful and unwanted extra dog in the home w her toddler and newborn.

Who are you people? Where do you come from that grandparents don’t want to come visit and help some when a new baby is born (or do so only if it’s entirely convenient to them?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a weird “stick it to them” thing in response to you being annoyed that their free help can benefit both parties, which actually sounds like a great thing. Hormones raging, op?

Not wanting an annoying dog around for *two weeks* right before and right after one gives birth is not unreasonable, or “sticking it” to anyone. You sound like an annoying dog owner who thinks everyone loves your dog all the time.

-Dog owner who boards my dog when needed so as not to be a total nuisance to hosts

If I was offered round the clock free help with a newborn for two weeks, I’d let them bring whatever they want.

You need to re-read the original post, that is not the situation at all.

Nah you need to re-read it, cuz that’s exactly the situation. Also wtf if I was going to someone else’s house for an extended time to help them that’s exactly when I’d schedule my bathroom remodel who wouldn’t?!

My FIL is a guaranteed 100x more nuisance than any damn dog and you can’t usually lock him in a closet but when you need help you need help so yup he gets to come along. OP’s going to regret burning a bridge with family who apparently is willing to help when OP needs and wants it.

also, the posters who compare family help to neighbor help are very funny and apparently do not have good family. I have the best neighbors in the world and I’d say mediocre family, and the help and comfort level with asking for favors is not even in the same league.

In my experience is much more often the grandparents who have a poor showing in situations like this who live to regret it.

[Anonymous]

OP here: sounds like a lot of yall have vindictive families. My ILs aren't going to cancel on us if we ask them not to bring the dog. We're giving them 6 weeks notice and they can bring her next time when our household isn't in the midst of a major change.

And yes, we have lots of other people who could come. My parents came for the birth of our first, so now we're letting ILs have a chance to be here for the birth. They want to come and keep telling us how excited they are. They didn't meet their first grandchild for 2 months because of illness, so we wanted them to have this opportunity. I definitely don't think they feel put upon for being there for family.

DH reminded me that our dog was super protective of our son when he was first born which makes me even more sure that we don't want a dog around who is known to try to provoke. Also, the dog was never explicitly invited, she just showed up one time and kept coming whenever they drive rather than fly, which up until now has always been fine.

I consider myself a dog mom, but I also know as a pet parent I need to respect other people's boundaries and never take my dog anywhere without making sure everyone is good with it.

[Anonymous]

OP: If them coming and for the length they are coming IS a favor to you, you and DH have no power.

If you are doing them a favor by inviting them into your home, without expecting anything in return, YOU and DH can set the rules.

These are in-laws - so, your DH communicates decisions/rules.

[Anonymous]

Of course you're right OP. No dog. It's for the baby's safety.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't ask them. I'd have DH tell them. Not ask, tell.