why is mrs still a thing

[Anonymous]

Is this the hill you want to die on, OP? Live and let live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Liliths

[Anonymous]

Ive not really thought about this. Men are always Mr, married, single divorced. Seems like women should be referred to by a similarly relationship neutral term.

The only time I ever have to select one is when booking flights. I think I just put Ms. I didnt change my last name so I'm never sure what Im supposed to put.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haha - conservatives are so easy to get riled up

Wait, which one do conservatives prefer? I would have thought that they preferred Mrs. but the riled up people are the ones who don’t like Mrs. Are the conservatives the ones who prefer Ms now? This is getting confusing.

Equal rights. They hate everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the hill you want to die on, OP? Live and let live.

Oh no, someone thinking and asking questions. Call the fire department! Burn the witch!

[Anonymous]

Because some women want everyone to know that they're married...even if they spend every waking moment complaining about their DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m noticing that married millennials and young women prefer to be called Mrs. They also are more likely to take their husband’s last name.

I’m Feb X and my generation uses Ms. way more often! We also tend to keep our maiden names especially if we are well-educated and UMC.

Gen Xers tend to be second-wave feminists, while younger women are third wave or liberal feminists.
Gen Xers are mostly concerned with the basics of women having equal rights and identities. Liberal feminists think that hookup culture and sex work are empowering but get really offended by "micro-aggressions" like men looking at them a bit too long. Gen Xers got married, lib-fems have Instagram worthy wedding weekends and announce to the world that they're now MRS. under the photo of them in a wedding dress with their bouquet raised in a victory fist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haha - conservatives are so easy to get riled up

Wait, which one do conservatives prefer? I would have thought that they preferred Mrs. but the riled up people are the ones who don’t like Mrs. Are the conservatives the ones who prefer Ms now? This is getting confusing.

Equal rights. They hate everyone.

Which one hates everyone- the conservatives or the liberals?

I can’t tell from this thread because it seems that the folks who are riled up are the people who don’t like Mrs, and I always thought it was more of a liberal thing to prefer Ms to Mrs. Have I always had this backwards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:See? I’m raising a very legitimate concern but the default notion that women should be labeled with the names of the men in their family lineage is so strong that many cannot grasp it.

Many common surnames are derived from the location a man lived, the occupation he had, or the lord to whom he owed fealty. So even men’s names are all rooted in a kind of subservience.

I just think it would be interesting to consider another way of naming people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

No, that name belongs to the man who abused my grandmother into fleeing her home and family and laid the ground work for my mother’s acceptance of my father’s abuse.

I briefly considered my grandmother’s maiden name, but while I never knew my great grandfather I can assume that he was quite possibly also a misogynist whose treatment of my great grandmother and grandmother led to my grandmother’s acceptant of her husband’s abuse for two decades. See it’s an endless cycle.

I appreciate the idea of honoring someone I’ve admired by choosing her name. But going that route could end me up with the name of another abuser - many of the women I’ve admired in my life were driven to their accomplishments as a reaction to toxic patriarchy at the micro or macro level.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

Then create a new familial last name. Translate a word that embodies what you consider the family traits you want to honor into another language. Something like Salvador which is Savior in Spanish. Or Mater which is mother in French. Even something pedestrian like Baker because you love to bake. Or use any other reason to come up with a name that you like that gives you a positive feel.

If you are really offended by the patriarchal society, you can think outside the box and do something that inspires you and creates the general feeling that you want to have for your familial name. You can also choose to name your children with your new surname or create a new one. I have a good friend who did that. The parents both kept their names when they wed. When they had kids, they created a new family name to honor a cherished family member (took the family member's first name and made it the legal last name for the children). So think John Doe and Jane Smith married and gave their children the last name Spencer. When they sign things they sign "The Spencer Family" even though it is technically not either parent's legal last name. But it works fine.

[Anonymous]

Mrs. Is way more informative.

My wife at school Mrs. Means she is married not a single or divorced mom.

Mrs. means my last name is not her maiden name. I am a different nationality than wife.

Mrs. means at a company party she is my wife. I also get invited places with my daughters so on invite they are Ms. or Miss. and wife Mrs.helps it be less confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mrs. Is way more informative.

My wife at school Mrs. Means she is married not a single or divorced mom.

Mrs. means my last name is not her maiden name. I am a different nationality than wife.

Mrs. means at a company party she is my wife. I also get invited places with my daughters so on invite they are Ms. or Miss. and wife Mrs.helps it be less confusing.

This is way too convoluted. All girls and women should be Ms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mrs. Is way more informative.

My wife at school Mrs. Means she is married not a single or divorced mom.

Mrs. means my last name is not her maiden name. I am a different nationality than wife.

Mrs. means at a company party she is my wife. I also get invited places with my daughters so on invite they are Ms. or Miss. and wife Mrs.helps it be less confusing.

And why does this matter at her job?

[Anonymous]

Because they are weak pathetic people who never accomplished anything real, so they need to rub in the fact that they are married in everyone’s face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See? I’m raising a very legitimate concern but the default notion that women should be labeled with the names of the men in their family lineage is so strong that many cannot grasp it.

Many common surnames are derived from the location a man lived, the occupation he had, or the lord to whom he owed fealty. So even men’s names are all rooted in a kind of subservience.

I just think it would be interesting to consider another way of naming people.

You are way overthinking this.

The type of person that would have complaints about any type of naming convention that develops and when people instead opt to identify by numbers assigned from a random number generator, would complain about how dehumanizing such a practice is.

NP. I also enjoy day drinking.

The booze just tastes better during the day.