why is mrs still a thing

[Anonymous]

Respect of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But why do we even need mr or ms? How about we ditch them both and just call people by their names?

Most languages have a formal tense, and we don't. So we use salutations and titles to indicate formality.

Yeah but the only real reason for that is that we’ve always done it. And the countries with the formal tenses also use titles.

[Anonymous]

Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

Hahaha. No. I live in the very liberal PG County. I know many very, very Democratic women ranging from left leaning to raging Progressives who use Mrs. <his last name>. Making the choice that you want to have your entire family have the same last name and choosing to go with the traditional choice as the best option for your family does not make you a conservative woman. No single issue or practice defines your entire philosophy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

You sound like a total idiot. As if this is something only Republican women are into. Uh huh.

[Anonymous]

To the poster who wants to choose a new last name, what about the name of your favorite plant, flower, food, animal, or nature object?

Larla Rose/Snake/Maple/Pine/Lavender

You’ve got me thinking now about doing this.

[Anonymous]

I actually use different salutations depending on the situation, as does my husband. I’m somewhat formal / traditional (he is not) so would be inclined toward Mrs., but earlier in my career for reasons I can’t identify I preferred being Ms. at work and use that on my signature line. (I have a fairly gender neutral name and that was before pronouns were commonly shared.)

For things we do together (hotel reservations, donations, etc) we tend to use “Mr. Mike and Mrs. Kelly Smith.”

My husband (phD in a stem field) doesn’t use “Dr” or “Michael” outside the professional context and gets embarrassed about being called Dr. So at work he’s “Mike” but on his signature and publications he’s “Dr. Michael T. Smith” but outside of work he’s “Mr. Mike Smith”

[Anonymous]

Pp here - I think I felt people at work didn’t need my marital status. Also, I started my job where I’ve been for 15 years only two weeks after I got married so the title might have felt strange still.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

No, that name belongs to the man who abused my grandmother into fleeing her home and family and laid the ground work for my mother’s acceptance of my father’s abuse.

I briefly considered my grandmother’s maiden name, but while I never knew my great grandfather I can assume that he was quite possibly also a misogynist whose treatment of my great grandmother and grandmother led to my grandmother’s acceptant of her husband’s abuse for two decades. See it’s an endless cycle.

I appreciate the idea of honoring someone I’ve admired by choosing her name. But going that route could end me up with the name of another abuser - many of the women I’ve admired in my life were driven to their accomplishments as a reaction to toxic patriarchy at the micro or macro level.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

So my thought is you have completely re-branded the name of your abuser with your courage and success.
Its now been changed to a name with honor.
And like Jackie Chan said to the victorious kid at the end of Karate Kid movie sequel - "You Won".
Have you considered this?

I'm the guy who suggested choosing a name honoring someone you admire.

This is a very nice sentiment, and it is nice to hear from a good guy.

I still hate my father’s name because it’s difficult to pronounce and a name you can make a joke of, so I was bullied over it for years in school which is another reason it’s been my desire to offload it for decades. Getting stuck with a crap name from a crap dude is just unfair lol. I had really hoped to meet a good guy and take his name, but oh well.

I’ll figure something out.

I think you should start a new thread and outsource name selection to DCUM. I chuckled when I saw "Lilith" suggested but am warming to it. I have no doubt this community can offer some really inspired choices! Hugs and peace!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

Hahaha. No. I live in the very liberal PG County. I know many very, very Democratic women ranging from left leaning to raging Progressives who use Mrs. <his last name>. Making the choice that you want to have your entire family have the same last name and choosing to go with the traditional choice as the best option for your family does not make you a conservative woman. No single issue or practice defines your entire philosophy.

Women should not be allowed the freedom to choose a sexist title like “Mrs.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

Hahaha. No. I live in the very liberal PG County. I know many very, very Democratic women ranging from left leaning to raging Progressives who use Mrs. <his last name>. Making the choice that you want to have your entire family have the same last name and choosing to go with the traditional choice as the best option for your family does not make you a conservative woman. No single issue or practice defines your entire philosophy.

Women should not be allowed the freedom to choose a sexist title like “Mrs.”

hmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the poster who wants to choose a new last name, what about the name of your favorite plant, flower, food, animal, or nature object?

Larla Rose/Snake/Maple/Pine/Lavender

You’ve got me thinking now about doing this.

That’s a great idea! It’s outside the box of traditional surnames altogether. And I’m very tied to nature and especially botany as my beloved grandmother grounded me in gardening as well as beachcombing and walks in the woods from a very early age. I will ponder this possibility and thank you for taking the time to weigh in on my issue!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

Hahaha. No. I live in the very liberal PG County. I know many very, very Democratic women ranging from left leaning to raging Progressives who use Mrs. <his last name>. Making the choice that you want to have your entire family have the same last name and choosing to go with the traditional choice as the best option for your family does not make you a conservative woman. No single issue or practice defines your entire philosophy.

Women should not be allowed the freedom to choose a sexist title like “Mrs.”

Isn't trying to control women one of the signs of an abuser?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insisting on "Mrs.," especially in a professional setting, is something conservative women are into. It makes them look about as impressive as a war on Xmas rant. I don't mind when people use Mrs. bc then I can tell they are a raging Republican and avoid most topics.

Hahaha. No. I live in the very liberal PG County. I know many very, very Democratic women ranging from left leaning to raging Progressives who use Mrs. <his last name>. Making the choice that you want to have your entire family have the same last name and choosing to go with the traditional choice as the best option for your family does not make you a conservative woman. No single issue or practice defines your entire philosophy.

Women should not be allowed the freedom to choose a sexist title like “Mrs.”

My body, my choice, except for titles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Gen X and prefer Ms. Mrs. is my MIL and always sounded weird. I don’t care what people use when they address me, but I’ll pick Ms. Out of a drop down list.

I pick Dr. And encourage my girls to circumnavigate the issue the same way.

I’m not calling you Dr. in person unless you are my professor or physician.

I would hope an adult would call me by my first name. A child should use the proper title, but if you want to raise them that way; it's your prerogative.

For you- please don't call me anything.