How polite are you obligated to be to someone who is unwittingly rude or inconsiderate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could tell everyone to stay out of the kitchen until you are done in a nice way. I do it all the time. My kids know to stay out when I am preparing.

Or just say the kitchen is closed from 7pm till around 11am. There is no need to be constantly eating and snacking and dirtying up my kitchen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP— you sound like you have autism. Have you had yourself checked? If not, please do.

I posted before (saying I knew people like OP), and nearly added this, but refrained. Since the PP broached the subject, I must concur. Most of the people I know who do this are on the spectrum. It's difficult for them correctly gauge the emotional impact of their tone and word choice, particularly when they're upset. They're very mentally rigid and need to categorize feelings and situations, since it helps them pick the most appropriate social response, but because of this, they get bogged down in what OP is trying to do: parsing "rude" vs "clueless", or "polite" vs "curt". I've noticed that there is a lot of punitive thinking going on in the background: that when someone does something "bad", they deserve a punitive approach. I assume that's because as children, they were parented by adults who knew nothing about ASD, and were often told they were bad and punished as a result. It's a childish oversimplification, but it works as a rigid framework, and they're familiar with it, so they continue to use it.

However there is very little treatment available for adults on the spectrum. The best treatment is living with someone who can teach them a little more self-awareness in the moment (I am that person for my ASD husband and son). Therapists can only do so much, since they don't live with the patient and must rely on their account of events, which will necessarily be biased.

+1

Either way, my answer would be to be gracious. Do not call out the offensive to you behavior especially in these kind of less serious cases. Shake it off. Make a joke about doing the “do-si-do” in the tight kitchen (square dance move).

[Anonymous]

My train of thought on this subject would be to initially be polite, or at the very least civil when dealing w/other people in these scenarios.

Then depending on the other person’s reaction or behavior > that would dictate how I would then further react.