How polite are you obligated to be to someone who is unwittingly rude or inconsiderate?
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Anonymous
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Assume the person has no idea whatsoever that their behavior is rude or inconsiderate, so your response will be their first indication that their behavior is a problem. Examples:
1) You are in the kitchen, preparing a meal for other people and tidying up. An adult family member comes in the kitchen to do something unrelated to the meal and is getting in your way, disrupting a time-sensitive cooking schedule. 2) While out with a group of friends, one of them starts joking about "people who do X," not realizing you are a person who does X. 3) A neighbor who has located climbing plants along a shared fence, that regularly come over, under, and through the fence, necessitating you to frequently have to cut them back. The neighbor likely understands the climbing plants make their way into your yard, but they are totally oblivious to the idea that it bothers you, as it would not bother them. Are you obligated to be polite when you inform these people that their behavior is offensive or inconsiderate to you? |
Anonymous
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You attract more flies with honey, but also, better to live in an environment full of sweet honey instead of stinky vinegar.
Don’t be vinegar. |
Anonymous
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1. Be gracious, like any adult
2. Internally roll your eyes unless it’s something truly egregious 3. Tell your neighbor to not plant an invasive plant on the fence |
Anonymous
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You sound like a huge pain. Do you have any friends? I would let all of these things go! There is no need to be a jerk!
1) can I squeeze past you? Gotta get the quiche in the oven! 2) say nothing! Evaluate why you do X and if you should stop 3) let it go! Enjoy the free plants! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't address any of those, they're really not a big deal. |
Anonymous
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Things might turn out better for everyone if you don't assume you have to "inform these people that their behavior is offensive or inconsiderate to you."
You can kindly--or with humor, even--make your needs and wishes known without trying to teach them a lesson. |
Anonymous
But boy am I not surprised OP is a DCUM poster because this is basically what I assume about the people who post here. |
Anonymous
Team PP. OP sounds like a piece of work. |
Anonymous
| Yes, because these are all people you have an ongoing relationship with. It's not hard to say "Sorry, I need the exclusive run of the kitchen for the next ten minutes - it's time sensitive." Or to say "Yep, I crack my knuckles so often I don't even notice; sorry it annoys you." Come on. |
Anonymous
Disagree, these are all things people should be made aware of. If I'm making pancakes on the stove and if the person doesn't move in the next 10 seconds, this round is going to burn, they need to know that they need to move, and also probably need to be informed that walking into a kitchen while someone is cooking and standing directly in front of what they are cooking is a problem. If I'm from Minnesota and my friend unwittingly starts talking about how everyone from Minnesota is super dumb, they need to be informed both of my status and of the fact that they are being an a$$. Pretty much everyone needs to understand that if you plant certain things near property lines, it can cause a nuisance for your neighbor, and be more thoughtful about how you plant. That sort of thing is a constant source of conflict between neighbors and the best way to avoid it is to just locate your vines or your trees that drop a billion huge nuts every year away from property lines. |
Anonymous
| It’s always best to behave with maturity instead of reading someone the riot act over some imagined slight. |
Anonymous
| You seem very uptight. |
Anonymous
These responses are bananas. Especially #2 and #3. Why do you assume X is something anyone should stop? What if the friend is complaining about people who use IVF or people who have been divorced? That's just rude/small-minded. And climbing vines coming into your property are not "free plants." It's a chore you've assigned to your neighbor. They will wrap themselves around furniture, grills, light fixtures, root themselves between pavers, destroy fencing and other structures, etc. |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm not talking about "reading the riot act." I'm talking about being blunt versus being polite. Like saying "nope, can't talk, and I need you to move" to the person in the kitchen, instead of saying "oh I'd love to chat about this but I'm actually in the middle of something, would you mind moving to the other side of the island so I can pull those eggs before they're overcooked?" |
Anonymous
OP, there's a middle ground. "Give me a sec, I've got to get the eggs first," said with a pleasant or neutral tone. |