Staying Pretty

[Anonymous]

Sure every guy would like a 10, and also someone who just rolls out of bed looking fantastic ready to enjoy a breakfast of bacon and eggs with a Bloody Mary.

By the time we’re in middle age we’ve usually realized we can’t have all that.

Do what’s important to you. If your looks are really important to you, hopefully you find a partner who is supportive of that. If you’re just doing it for guys who don’t appreciate it why bother? You haven’t said this but l have a hunch you do it for yourself, not just for prospective partners. If that’s the case own it and pick similarly disciplined guys to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop living for various rando guys you meet from the internet. Start living your own fabulous healthy life and having your own interests.

This, but also, don't be too weird about food if you are dating. Relax and have a cheeseburger once in a while. No one wants to hear about your macros and calories; it's boring.

Yes, it's awful going out to eat with someone who talks about their stupid diet, and only orders salad, dressing on the side, with water and a lemon slice. What a miserable way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad's wife is like this. She can't do anything or be seen by anyone in the morning before 9 AM, so everyone has to wait around for her. She spends a ton of money on it. My dad keeps his mouth shut but I know he thinks it's dumb. After all of that, she still doesn't look very good.

This is such a mean spirited comment. Talk to a therapist please.

I would have agreed until meeting my MIL who requires and hour and a half to get ready in the morning. It’s a like she’s producing a Broadway show in there every day, starting with supportive undergarments and then layering on the hair, skin, makeup routine. She looks much better afterwards but half of it wouldn’t be necessary if she exercised and lost 30 pounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in the Relationship forum if not to discuss how it impacts relationships? There's a Diet and Exercise forum, and also Beauty and Fashion.

I’m not the OP but seems pretty clear to me - she’s asking how to handle guys who both want her to be pretty, but don’t support all the effort it takes.

My response is they seem out of touch so don’t deal with them, date someone else.

OP how are you finding these guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad's wife is like this. She can't do anything or be seen by anyone in the morning before 9 AM, so everyone has to wait around for her. She spends a ton of money on it. My dad keeps his mouth shut but I know he thinks it's dumb. After all of that, she still doesn't look very good.

This is such a mean spirited comment. Talk to a therapist please.

I would have agreed until meeting my MIL who requires and hour and a half to get ready in the morning. It’s a like she’s producing a Broadway show in there every day, starting with supportive undergarments and then layering on the hair, skin, makeup routine. She looks much better afterwards but half of it wouldn’t be necessary if she exercised and lost 30 pounds.

But then she would need to exercise for an hour a day, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.

And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.

Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term

On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.

How does yoga help you lookswise?

Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women

It takes a lot for men too.

But the men don't talk about it. If they do, we'd roll our eyes. I recently brought to my DH's attention that most of the middle aged men around him are dyeing their hair and going to the gym daily. He did not even notice. He thought he was aging prematurely.

That’s just a lie. There is not a guy in the universe with any kind of fitness routine— and god forbid running marathons— you will not hear all about.

Disagree. My dh does triathlons, masters swim in the mornings before work, runs during lunch and never talks about it. He eats really healthfully too, a spinach salad heaped with vegetables for lunch every day, barely drinks and doesn't talk about it. (1.5 hours working out daily, 30 min prepping vegetables)

What he really wouldn't talk about is how I got him wearing sunscreen and moisturizer (with HA and vitamin c) every morning, tretinoin at night. He couldn't stand the tretinoin, but now it's just like flossing and he does it.

I have heard his friends joke about his high metabolism and how low maintenance he is. He actually thinks he's low maintenance too. I can't imagine most of them wake at 5am for masters swim.

I'm guessing his triathlon/swim/gym friends hear the stuff (and he hears theirs). That's the best, I find. Chattering with someone who knows and cares.

And obviously he talks about it quite a lot with his spouse. The person with whom he’s in a relationship. I haven’t the faintest idea what my DH ate for lunch much less the base green of his salad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ or strict dieting. I just made a delicious cake and plan on having multiple large slices!!!

Yep. That is what making you squishy…your diet…not your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ or strict dieting. I just made a delicious cake and plan on having multiple large slices!!!

Yep. That is what making you squishy…your diet…not your age.

PP you replied to. Not at all. I've been an exercise and diet nut, and never got rid of the squish. All my female relatives have that belly, and they're all very thin and some exercise a lot. We have a genetic predisposition in the family, clearly, and it appears with age. I refuse to get surgery.

So now I prefer to enjoy cake once in a while. I'm much happier that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, it can all get annoying really quickly. I had a girlfriend in college who had a great body because she had an eating disorder.

She exercised compulsively, which wasn’t a big deal because she did it on her own time. But knowing that when we went out to dinner, she was throwing everything up in the bathroom after the meal ruined things quickly. It didn’t matter that she had a killer body.

Some people have a milder version of that – google “orthorexia.”

You provided an extreme example. I’m the PP: not eating a 3-course dinner is not the same as throwing up food in bathroom when you go to a restaurant. I do have a salad for dinner if it’s at home; or a nutritious milk shake . I also do go out for dinners if invited and just stretch a glass of wine and a hot appetizer through the dinner talk. Skipping deserts altogether.

No, once metabolism changed after 40 you can’t skip lunch and have dinners instead: you’ll be still fat. To me (based on trials and errors), to maintain a thing waistline it has to be a full breakfast and lunch and a tiny dinner

On skin care I agree - not sure why OP would need to discuss her routine with men.

Metabolism changes in your 40s-50s has been debunked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to stay attractive by working out, eating healthy, and having a disciplined beauty regimen. Men I date appreciate that I look good. I’m middle aged and all of this stuff takes more time and money as I age. Even though guys like that I look nice, many don’t want to support the stuff I have to do to keep up. For instance, they may resent the time it takes or that I have to be strict with my diet. How do others handle this?

"All that effort just to be a hard 4."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad's wife is like this. She can't do anything or be seen by anyone in the morning before 9 AM, so everyone has to wait around for her. She spends a ton of money on it. My dad keeps his mouth shut but I know he thinks it's dumb. After all of that, she still doesn't look very good.

This is such a mean spirited comment. Talk to a therapist please.

I would have agreed until meeting my MIL who requires and hour and a half to get ready in the morning. It’s a like she’s producing a Broadway show in there every day, starting with supportive undergarments and then layering on the hair, skin, makeup routine. She looks much better afterwards but half of it wouldn’t be necessary if she exercised and lost 30 pounds.

But then she would need to exercise for an hour a day, no?

Or change how she eats which takes mental energy and planning/prep time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, it can all get annoying really quickly. I had a girlfriend in college who had a great body because she had an eating disorder.

She exercised compulsively, which wasn’t a big deal because she did it on her own time. But knowing that when we went out to dinner, she was throwing everything up in the bathroom after the meal ruined things quickly. It didn’t matter that she had a killer body.

Some people have a milder version of that – google “orthorexia.”

You provided an extreme example. I’m the PP: not eating a 3-course dinner is not the same as throwing up food in bathroom when you go to a restaurant. I do have a salad for dinner if it’s at home; or a nutritious milk shake . I also do go out for dinners if invited and just stretch a glass of wine and a hot appetizer through the dinner talk. Skipping deserts altogether.

No, once metabolism changed after 40 you can’t skip lunch and have dinners instead: you’ll be still fat. To me (based on trials and errors), to maintain a thing waistline it has to be a full breakfast and lunch and a tiny dinner

On skin care I agree - not sure why OP would need to discuss her routine with men.

Metabolism changes in your 40s-50s has been debunked.

To make sure your metabolism doesn't change, you need to continue to move like a teenager and lift weights. So stuff that takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ or strict dieting. I just made a delicious cake and plan on having multiple large slices!!!

Yep. That is what making you squishy…your diet…not your age.

PP you replied to. Not at all. I've been an exercise and diet nut, and never got rid of the squish. All my female relatives have that belly, and they're all very thin and some exercise a lot. We have a genetic predisposition in the family, clearly, and it appears with age. I refuse to get surgery.

So now I prefer to enjoy cake once in a while. I'm much happier that way.

I'm very pro-cake but also know that actually have no idea what a DCUM poster means when they say they have "been an exercise and diet nut."

[Anonymous]

I actually had a guy friend once say that he wanted a girlfriend like me who wore little to no makeup and was low maintenance.

I set him straight. I wear a full face of makeup daily (just not eyeshadow or bold lip colors), exercise, lots of face serums, spend a lot on clothes, am very into style too, eat very little normally, but I eat regular meals with friends. I think all guys want a 10/10 in looks, but a 1/10 in maintenance. Also, those 10/10 in looks and personality women are also looking for 10/10 in looks and personality, so the man has to put in work too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop living for various rando guys you meet from the internet. Start living your own fabulous healthy life and having your own interests.

This, but also, don't be too weird about food if you are dating. Relax and have a cheeseburger once in a while. No one wants to hear about your macros and calories; it's boring.

Yes, it's awful going out to eat with someone who talks about their stupid diet, and only orders salad, dressing on the side, with water and a lemon slice. What a miserable way to live.

Meh. I live a full life, but I pretty much always order the salad at restaurants. I can make a great steak at home and pasta is nbd to me. I LOVE restaurant salads.