Staying Pretty

[Anonymous]

From a guy’s perspective, it can all get annoying really quickly. I had a girlfriend in college who had a great body because she had an eating disorder.

She exercised compulsively, which wasn’t a big deal because she did it on her own time. But knowing that when we went out to dinner, she was throwing everything up in the bathroom after the meal ruined things quickly. It didn’t matter that she had a killer body.

Some people have a milder version of that – google “orthorexia.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I spend 30 mins a day on skincare…..washing twice a day, exfoliating every other day, sunscreen, moisturizer, gua sha, eye cream, lash serum, and weekly facial. I spend 30 mins a week on nails (I don’t do gel or anything fake).

I have washed and moisturized twice a day since I was a teenager. Most women would not consider this a beauty routine at this point in life. It's just hygiene now. I wouldn't talk about it anymore than I would talk about brushing my teeth for 10 minutes a day.

Is it possible that you are talking about your upkeep too much? I have a 50 year old friend who spends too much time talking about how good she looks and how much effort she puts in. She looks very good, but she sounds kind of angry that she has to put in that work. It's not cute, and the whole room usually goes silent when she goes on her rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spending four hours a week on skincare seems totally nuts.

This one jumped out at me too and I have had acne and problem skin my whole life.

But now I want to know what she's doing! Do you count facials, botox, fillers, and such appointments? Or do you mean it takes that long to exfoliate and moisturize?

On only having salads at night, I think that would be a bummer in terms of going out for dinner. I don't really eat a lot at breakfast (coffee and maybe oatmeal) but I'd hate to give up all dinners forever. I'm 44 and so far no changes since I was in my 20s in terms of metabolism (my cycle is also regular, etc. so I'm sure it's coming at some point....)

She is calling daily showers skincare.

In that case, I also spend over 4 hours on skincare 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of us don't have to work as hard as you do to look great.

Most of you all don’t look great at all, so there’s that.

But of course this is why men want a “natural beauty.” Ideally your partner would be gorgeous without it annoying you. I’m surprised OP made it to middle age without getting that. And that’s why most of us try to keep the struggle a secret. Or as some say, keep the mystery alive.

No one wants to hear how hard it takes to do anything. No one wants to constantly hear how hard people work at their careers either. It's boring talk.

My DH and I don't usually drink alcohol. It's not a big deal because we don't talk about it when others are drinking. If OP goes out often at night, she can adjust her lunch so that she eats a little something at dinner. Or she can switch from eating lunch to eating dinner. No need to stick out like a sore thumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.

And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.

Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term

On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.

How does yoga help you lookswise?

Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women

It takes a lot for men too.

But the men don't talk about it. If they do, we'd roll our eyes. I recently brought to my DH's attention that most of the middle aged men around him are dyeing their hair and going to the gym daily. He did not even notice. He thought he was aging prematurely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a guy’s perspective, it can all get annoying really quickly. I had a girlfriend in college who had a great body because she had an eating disorder.

She exercised compulsively, which wasn’t a big deal because she did it on her own time. But knowing that when we went out to dinner, she was throwing everything up in the bathroom after the meal ruined things quickly. It didn’t matter that she had a killer body.

Some people have a milder version of that – google “orthorexia.”

You provided an extreme example. I’m the PP: not eating a 3-course dinner is not the same as throwing up food in bathroom when you go to a restaurant. I do have a salad for dinner if it’s at home; or a nutritious milk shake . I also do go out for dinners if invited and just stretch a glass of wine and a hot appetizer through the dinner talk. Skipping deserts altogether.

No, once metabolism changed after 40 you can’t skip lunch and have dinners instead: you’ll be still fat. To me (based on trials and errors), to maintain a thing waistline it has to be a full breakfast and lunch and a tiny dinner

On skin care I agree - not sure why OP would need to discuss her routine with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

Gross, new poster here and I would not go more than 2.5 weeks max on a new mani/pedi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

She's obviously including nail growing time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

She's obviously including nail growing time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

Gross, new poster here and I would not go more than 2.5 weeks max on a new mani/pedi.

Yea as somebody who doesn’t even care about nails unless I’m in a wedding or something I know 2 weeks max.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

Gross, new poster here and I would not go more than 2.5 weeks max on a new mani/pedi.

Yea as somebody who doesn’t even care about nails unless I’m in a wedding or something I know 2 weeks max.

I don’t get it. My toenails don’t visibly grow at all in 2 weeks and the (non gel) polish looks the same as day 1. Why is it gross to change polish every 4 weeks instead of 2? I clean, exfoliate and moisturize normally in between.

As for fingers I do them myself and there’s nothing gross about short clean manicured nails with occasional polish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

Gross, new poster here and I would not go more than 2.5 weeks max on a new mani/pedi.

Yea as somebody who doesn’t even care about nails unless I’m in a wedding or something I know 2 weeks max.

I don’t get it. My toenails don’t visibly grow at all in 2 weeks and the (non gel) polish looks the same as day 1. Why is it gross to change polish every 4 weeks instead of 2? I clean, exfoliate and moisturize normally in between.

As for fingers I do them myself and there’s nothing gross about short clean manicured nails with occasional polish.

I guess it varies on individual basis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m mystified what you could be spending 4 hours on weekly for skin and nail care. One pedicure lasts 4-6 weeks and fingernails take 1/2 hour a week tops and that’s every other week. Skincare takes ten minutes a day max.

Gross, new poster here and I would not go more than 2.5 weeks max on a new mani/pedi.

Yea as somebody who doesn’t even care about nails unless I’m in a wedding or something I know 2 weeks max.

I don’t get it. My toenails don’t visibly grow at all in 2 weeks and the (non gel) polish looks the same as day 1. Why is it gross to change polish every 4 weeks instead of 2? I clean, exfoliate and moisturize normally in between.

As for fingers I do them myself and there’s nothing gross about short clean manicured nails with occasional polish.

I guess it varies on individual basis

Personally, I think polished and long fingenails look gaudy and tacky. Clear seems OK (but why bother, mostly?). French tips, maybe once in a while. Colors - juvenile and tacky if done on a regular basis. Excessively long nails and/or fake nails really turn me off.

Polished toenails I like, but I don't have to look at them as much!

[Anonymous]

I genuinely cannot imagine what you mean OP by saying the men you date “resent” your (totally reasonable) efforts to look good. Can you give some examples of men resenting this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much time is this taking?. Looking good is nice but if it takes away time from getting to know you as a person. Is it really worth it.

And no one wants to hear about your very special diet and the million things you can't eat.

Basically by middle age most people are looking for depth not just looks when it comes to long-term

On a weekly basis I spend 5 hours at the gym, 2 hours at yoga, 4 hours on skincare and nails.

How does yoga help you lookswise?

Yoga helps maintaining a strong core. 5 hours in a gym is not a low. I spend 10/week (2-3 workouts) and also on a strict diet (only salad at night. no bread, sugars, alcohol). It take a great will to preserve body and looks after 40 for women

I'm 52. I wash my face with gold dial soap and follow with some target brand moisturizer. I do style my hair every day, which takes maybe 20 minutes to blow out and curl. I use suave shampoo and conditioner and pantene hair smoother. I put Vaseline on my lips and brush my eyebrows and lashes. No make up. My exercise is walking 2-3 miles daily, hiking 2-4 times a week and push ups/planks. I still turn heads and, if I weren't already married, I could easily attract a partner. If you have to work as hard as you do to look basically decent, you either have impossible standards or you were starting from an unfortunate place.