Kids who work but never move on/out

[Anonymous]

Multigenerational living has been the model throughout human history until very recently. Even now, it is mostly just western culture that has developed a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Think this is more common in places with expensive real estate / rentals.

[Anonymous]

Np, this happened with my aunt and cousin. I am 45, and my cousin is 43. When we were kids, we were very close. Somewhere along the way, when we were in our preteen years, we stopped being as close. Nothing that I recall happened; we just grew apart.

Anyway, as the years went by, I moved out, got married, and had kids, and she appeared to regress. She never got her driver's license, never had any boyfriends, kids, etc. I haven't spoken with her in years, but she still lives with my aunt.

Over the years, I've wondered what happened to her. She is an only child, and I blame my aunt for hovering and selfishly not encouraging her to do and be more.

[Anonymous]

I moved out only when I met my husband at 26. Who said that living alone is healthier emotionally than living with family? We had decent relationships, helped out each other and it was also very economical for everyone. I don’t get what is the big deal with adult children living with parents. I am not planning on kicking any of my kids out, they can choose themselves where to live. I enjoy their company and we have plenty of space, so - why not??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np, this happened with my aunt and cousin. I am 45, and my cousin is 43. When we were kids, we were very close. Somewhere along the way, when we were in our preteen years, we stopped being as close. Nothing that I recall happened; we just grew apart.

Anyway, as the years went by, I moved out, got married, and had kids, and she appeared to regress. She never got her driver's license, never had any boyfriends, kids, etc. I haven't spoken with her in years, but she still lives with my aunt.

Over the years, I've wondered what happened to her. She is an only child, and I blame my aunt for hovering and selfishly not encouraging her to do and be more.

How do you know there isn’t mental illness involved? This describes my sister and she developed mental illness in her late teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved out only when I met my husband at 26. Who said that living alone is healthier emotionally than living with family? We had decent relationships, helped out each other and it was also very economical for everyone. I don’t get what is the big deal with adult children living with parents. I am not planning on kicking any of my kids out, they can choose themselves where to live. I enjoy their company and we have plenty of space, so - why not??

If you had not met your husband at 26 and were still living with your parents at middle age, would you say it was healthy for you not to have moved out, established your own household, and learned to manage your finances separately? My two single siblings that are still living at home in middle age have not developed these adult skills like those of us that married and moved out after collage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved out only when I met my husband at 26. Who said that living alone is healthier emotionally than living with family? We had decent relationships, helped out each other and it was also very economical for everyone. I don’t get what is the big deal with adult children living with parents. I am not planning on kicking any of my kids out, they can choose themselves where to live. I enjoy their company and we have plenty of space, so - why not??

If you had not met your husband at 26 and were still living with your parents at middle age, would you say it was healthy for you not to have moved out, established your own household, and learned to manage your finances separately? My two single siblings that are still living at home in middle age have not developed these adult skills like those of us that married and moved out after collage.

I was already managing my own finances, ever since I started working. Original post is about employed adults living with parents. Why assume that if you are living with family you are dependent on them financially? It is economical and practical, yes. Just like if you were living with roommates or friends.

I also have seen plenty adults living independently with messed up finances and tons of mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

There are usually intellectual disabilities at play here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid of this happening with DD24. Moved home after college graduation, took a few temp jobs. Finally got a job offer, accepted and is trying to save money. We charge her modest amt of rent that we set aside for future apartment deposit. It’s going to take a while.

I'd encourage her to find an apartment and roommates. And if you can afford it, front her share of the deposit. Inertia in terms of living at home can be hard to break.

[Anonymous]

My 27 years old DS just recently moved out to live on his own.  He graduated college at 22, worked for three years to save money for MBA school.  He attended an ivy school for his MBA and graduated with zero debt and had some left money in the bank.  That would not have been possible if he moved out and spent money on rent, food, fun, etc....  He met his soon to be wife in school, she is five years younger, and he has no regrets about living at home for five years.  YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I think mine isn’t moving out because of the dog.

[Anonymous]

I would not have them live with me as grow-ups unless temporary. I have countdown to their 18th birthday-490/3080.
They already spend a lot of time away from me as a preparation. I don't care for the clingy stuff. Makes me thing that there is something wrong with them mentally.Again, life changes and hard times are fine, but not ongoing. This needs to be addressed at some point.
I'm investing enough for both that money should not be the reason to move back home.

[Anonymous]

In some cultures it's traditional for the youngest daughter to stay single and care for their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have them live with me as grow-ups unless temporary. I have countdown to their 18th birthday-490/3080.
They already spend a lot of time away from me as a preparation. I don't care for the clingy stuff. Makes me thing that there is something wrong with them mentally.Again, life changes and hard times are fine, but not ongoing. This needs to be addressed at some point.
I'm investing enough for both that money should not be the reason to move back home.

Yep, anyone who isn't rich is mentally ill. Nobody sane would choose to be poor and not have an inheritance!

[Anonymous]

Counting down days until other people turn 18 is a classic marker of mentally well-balanced person.

It's the common ground between connoisseurs of youthful sexual partners, and bond-free parents.