Kids who work but never move on/out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:our son (28) is like that. educated, employed, and too comfortable. we don't push or pull and he is not showing any signs of wanting to move out. he is saving good money though. we don't charge expenses/rent either

you're enabling him to be dependent, as an adult. That's not really attractive for a woman for a ltr, either.

I know and I think it’s awful. Of course it’s nice for the parents but the son will be resentful if he never gets to have his own family as he’s always just hanging out with mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know families where this happened? I know several: overbearing mothers who never let their daughters grow up/become independent. When the daughters are in the thirties and forties, they still live with their moms. The ones I know all work, but didn’t marry and never developed emotional independence. I think it’s a form of child abuse.

Yes, of course always the mom's fault. Also, if they are adults how is it "child abuse?"

MYOB

[Anonymous]

For the daughter they have a window 20-30 to find a wealthy man and it's harder for unattractive women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the daughter they have a window 20-30 to find a wealthy man and it's harder for unattractive women

What's wrong with not wealthy men?

[Anonymous]

I get how mutually beneficial it can be for adult unmarried kid and parents to live together but living nearby and keeping privacy can be healthier.

[Anonymous]

I know several men and women, but there's a combination of messed up upbringing, abuse, culture, autism, depression, and who knows what else.
No interest in friends and outside world unless they are going with family. I'm being asked now to watch out for one of the mother's (and father) who created this unhealthy dynamic. The grown sons living with them are not happy at all, but they are going nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our son (28) is like that. educated, employed, and too comfortable. we don't push or pull and he is not showing any signs of wanting to move out. he is saving good money though. we don't charge expenses/rent either

This isn't helping your son. Especially if you're *not* charging him.

There are so many essential life skills gained by living away from home.

[Anonymous]

If you live with your parents because you have to (health/medical/financial reason) that's one thing.

But if someone doesn't have the desire or want to move out... that is 1000% a failure to thrive. It's normal and healthy to want to have a space of your own, do things your own way, challenge yourself with the independence of trying new/hard things.

[Anonymous]

Economy, culture, healthcare, eldercare and childcare often dictate people's decisions.

[Anonymous]

Isn't this cultural? My uncle and his wife lived in the same house as my grandparents until my grandparents died in their 90s - eg. almost all their life. Admittedly they had the upstairs and my grandparents had the downstairs so separate living areas but nothing wrong with this arrangement.

Totally fine for an adult to live with their parents. (I wouldn't want to do it with mine but that's because they actually WERE abusive.)

[Anonymous]

My BIL lived at home until he married my sister at 32. He is great none of the issues people warn about. Plus, he had saved a ton, so they were able to buy a nice house right away. They have been married 25+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:our son (28) is like that. educated, employed, and too comfortable. we don't push or pull and he is not showing any signs of wanting to move out. he is saving good money though. we don't charge expenses/rent either

I know a similar situation. But there is pull -- every time he's talked about getting a job in another area or moving into his own place, there's pressure from the parents not to do it "just yet."

The latest excuse: "Waiting for rents to come down." Right..........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the daughter they have a window 20-30 to find a wealthy man and it's harder for unattractive women

What's wrong with not wealthy men?

Nothing but harder life

[Anonymous]

My mom was like this, I saw her keep my brother at home as long as possible (he eventually moved out in his 30s) so I vowed not to get sucked in. My dad also realized it was a mistake and encouraged me to get out when I found a job.

Emmeshed parenting was the parenting style of my mom's entire family. Two of my friends who also endured this type of parenting had issues, one dis get married and moved out but had significant issues when her parents died, because she was still so dependent on them. The other never left home and only learned to drive in her mid 20s. Still at home at age 50+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the daughter they have a window 20-30 to find a wealthy man and it's harder for unattractive women

And it's even harder if you live with your mom and dad who scare away any potential boyfriends or girlfriends.