Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like it is all going according to plan in Jane's eyes. You were never her target. She just used you for access.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP got played by a flirty young woman and now she's... jealous?... that her "special work friend" has moved on to the next target?

If Bob consents, let him "mentor" her next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.

OMG no do not confront her directly about flirting you will set yourself up for some kind of antidiscrimination suit. Instead publicly humiliate her, set her up for a fall, power play and backstage her, blackball her. But be warned, if she is crazy enough it could backfire.

Why waste energy doing any of this? Flirting with a co-worker doesn't warrant any of your suggestions. Op should learn from whatever role she played and cut her losses.

OP here: this is what I am inclined to do. We are not big-law hot shots. We are a bunch of analysts and engineers. There are very few women, so the older women make it a point to mentor the younger ones. I don’t think Jane is being manipulative (or may be I am being naive here), I think she may be clueless or not know how to behave in a professional environment. Neither Bob or I are in Jane’s reporting chain, so really Jane won’t benefit directly from pseudo-flirting with Bob or flattering me.

I’m in IT and I am 100% certain she is being manipulative. She manipulated you through flattery and now she’s using Bob in the same way. Don’t assume technical woman are different from any other field. You’re higher up than her and so is he….she’s new and management chains change. This happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Don’t discuss the flirting with her. (Give us an example of her flirting, though.) You could meet with her and ask her how it’s going, or you can just step back and let it go. You could also make occasional comments like “um…ok” or “oh wow” if the flirting is really amped up.

But in general, lesson learned not to help this person at all in future.

[Anonymous]

She used you as a stepping stone, OP. Your usefulness to her has ended. Don’t waste any more time thinking about this.

[Anonymous]

You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.

absolutely do not do this. There is no upside and a million possible ways this could backfire onto you. Just distance yourself from Jane. Its really up to Bob now to shut it down (or not). Just remain studiously, scrupulously neutral and neither affirm nor criticize anything she says or does in a meeting. Like, slightly ice her out, but not so much as it to be noticeable--its polite, careful, but mildly distant. You're a middle age woman and as much as you think you bring value experience and diversity to the company, no one will really protect you, especially not your "mentee."

[Anonymous]

Gen Z doesn't want the same things in the same way that Millennial and Gen X women want. They have observed us, and they're rejecting how we do some things. Maybe she isn't flirting so much as just treating Bob nicely and just smiling to smile. Millennial and Gen X working women too often come off like dudes even in their off hours. My SIL is a dude, she has lost all of her femininity in trying to be like the guys at work.

Gen Z women don't want to act like dudes at work. They want to be able to be women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She used you as a stepping stone, OP. Your usefulness to her has ended. Don’t waste any more time thinking about this.

This, 100%.

Unless she approaches you soliciting further advice, your job is done here. And you did a good thing, OP - you opened a door for her. It's now her decision on how to use the opportunity, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young Jane approaches me (Senior Female) and praises me for my insightful questions

OP did you recognize this as a red flag when it happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z doesn't want the same things in the same way that Millennial and Gen X women want. They have observed us, and they're rejecting how we do some things. Maybe she isn't flirting so much as just treating Bob nicely and just smiling to smile. Millennial and Gen X working women too often come off like dudes even in their off hours. My SIL is a dude, she has lost all of her femininity in trying to be like the guys at work.

Gen Z women don't want to act like dudes at work. They want to be able to be women.

That’s… one way to look at it, I guess.

Personally, I have never felt that refraining from flirting at work made me into a dude. But I haven’t checked my underwear today, BRB.

[Anonymous]

This thread with all the plot twists is cracking me up! OP, you did a good deed. Don't lose sleep over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z doesn't want the same things in the same way that Millennial and Gen X women want. They have observed us, and they're rejecting how we do some things. Maybe she isn't flirting so much as just treating Bob nicely and just smiling to smile. Millennial and Gen X working women too often come off like dudes even in their off hours. My SIL is a dude, she has lost all of her femininity in trying to be like the guys at work.

Gen Z women don't want to act like dudes at work. They want to be able to be women.

Oh boy is it going to be fun for your SIL when you see the predictable-to-everyone-else consequences of that.

[Anonymous]

I had this problem with a young woman who was a student in my masters degree program and I hired into my organization to give her a break.
She exhibited exact same behavior and I was aghast.
I apologized to my higher ups and got her out of there asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z doesn't want the same things in the same way that Millennial and Gen X women want. They have observed us, and they're rejecting how we do some things. Maybe she isn't flirting so much as just treating Bob nicely and just smiling to smile. Millennial and Gen X working women too often come off like dudes even in their off hours. My SIL is a dude, she has lost all of her femininity in trying to be like the guys at work.

Gen Z women don't want to act like dudes at work. They want to be able to be women.

This is one of the dumbest posts I’ve ever read, and that’s really saying something.

[Anonymous]

I need an update on young coquettish Jane.