Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well

[Anonymous]

Young Jane approaches me (Senior Female) and praises me for my insightful questions and asks how she can be involved in Working Group I am on. WG has enough members, but I lean on mid-level Bob to make room for Jane. I email Jane telling her she’s in. No response. Jane starts coming to meetings, Jane behaves in a coquettish manner, Jane does not add much value but that’s ok because she’s inexperienced. Jane does not engage with me. But now Jane has started flirting openly with Bob. It’s awkward, others have started noticing. Bob reciprocates a bit but does not encourage her.

What would you do? I brought her in do I feel responsible but don’t see a way to fix this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

It much you can do now about the WG. Since she didn’t reach out after you helped her get in, you have no more responsibility to help her in the future. Aim you help at people who are grateful for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young Jane approaches me (Senior Female) and praises me for my insightful questions and asks how she can be involved in Working Group I am on. WG has enough members, but I lean on mid-level Bob to make room for Jane. I email Jane telling her she’s in. No response. Jane starts coming to meetings, Jane behaves in a coquettish manner, Jane does not add much value but that’s ok because she’s inexperienced. Jane does not engage with me. But now Jane has started flirting openly with Bob. It’s awkward, others have started noticing. Bob reciprocates a bit but does not encourage her.

What would you do? I brought her in do I feel responsible but don’t see a way to fix this dynamic.

Lol I can’t believe this is real but just…continue doing your job? What are you trying to “fix?”

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I really appreciate people who mentor my kids. As a manager, I see it go wrong so often. It’s like no good deed goes unpunished. But there is so much value when it works. I have no suggestions except to extricate yourself before you get dragged down.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to fix anything, she's about to rocket up the ranks.

[Anonymous]

Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

[Anonymous]

Jane’s smart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young Jane approaches me (Senior Female) and praises me for my insightful questions and asks how she can be involved in Working Group I am on. WG has enough members, but I lean on mid-level Bob to make room for Jane. I email Jane telling her she’s in. No response. Jane starts coming to meetings, Jane behaves in a coquettish manner, Jane does not add much value but that’s ok because she’s inexperienced. Jane does not engage with me. But now Jane has started flirting openly with Bob. It’s awkward, others have started noticing. Bob reciprocates a bit but does not encourage her.

What would you do? I brought her in do I feel responsible but don’t see a way to fix this dynamic.

Lol I can’t believe this is real but just…continue doing your job? What are you trying to “fix?”

The other WG members know that I advocated for Jane to be on it. But if Jane is not contributing much but derailing the WG, it reflects poorly on me. Part of me is inclined to let it go but the WG is going to meet through Fall so it’s going to be a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it is all going according to plan in Jane's eyes. You were never her target. She just used you for access.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't schedule a check in meeting with Jane and address this. Have specific examples of inappropriate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you thought the gratitude and flirting would be directed to you, however, it's not going per plan. Are you going to get back at her, or let her be? That will determine whether you are a "nice guy" or not

[Anonymous]

Bob has a voice. Why isn’t he the one to shut this down?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young Jane approaches me (Senior Female) and praises me for my insightful questions and asks how she can be involved in Working Group I am on. WG has enough members, but I lean on mid-level Bob to make room for Jane. I email Jane telling her she’s in. No response. Jane starts coming to meetings, Jane behaves in a coquettish manner, Jane does not add much value but that’s ok because she’s inexperienced. Jane does not engage with me. But now Jane has started flirting openly with Bob. It’s awkward, others have started noticing. Bob reciprocates a bit but does not encourage her.

What would you do? I brought her in do I feel responsible but don’t see a way to fix this dynamic.

Lol I can’t believe this is real but just…continue doing your job? What are you trying to “fix?”

The other WG members know that I advocated for Jane to be on it. But if Jane is not contributing much but derailing the WG, it reflects poorly on me. Part of me is inclined to let it go but the WG is going to meet through Fall so it’s going to be a while.

“Derailing” the working group? That sounds a little extreme. Whoever is facilitating the meetings should be able to keep them on track. There’s no such thing as a meeting that is “derailed” by flirting unless the behavior is so egregious that you would have heard about it from multiple people. If this is all just what you’re perceiving, it’s not derailed.