Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well

[Anonymous]

HOW have you mentored her, other than making space for her in the group? Do you check in with her, listen to her needs and questions? Offer guidance?

Letting someone in a group and then being annoyed by their behavior there is not mentoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to fix anything, she's about to rocket up the ranks.

Just sit back and watch the show!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

I've actually seen highly productive and intelligent women use this approach to advance. It doesn't mean they get promoted without merit, but does get them the spotlight needed to advance. I'm corporate though so do not judge any methods used to move up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

I've actually seen highly productive and intelligent women use this approach to advance. It doesn't mean they get promoted without merit, but does get them the spotlight needed to advance. I'm corporate though so do not judge any methods used to move up.

This times a million. I am a fairly conventionally attractive woman who is gay (a.k.a. a lipstick lesbian) but I saw this all.the.time. in biglaw. Most of the men didn't know/realize I was gay and would attempt to flirt and these women all took it and ran -- it wasn't for the male attention, it was for the access to power, good work, opportunities, etc. They got on cases and got projects because these men liked them.

As a recipient of this, I absolutely took advantage of the pretty privilege until I moved onto greener, less toxic pastures.

I will say, most of the older women would act like OP if they moved an inch for you. These were so competitive and unhelpful because they were: (1) guarding their turf with all their might from being passed off to younger, cheaper, better looking collegues and (2) incredibly busy working mothers or (3) greedy AF.

It is all just an example of the toxic nature of the work world. It's just full of terrible people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

I've actually seen highly productive and intelligent women use this approach to advance. It doesn't mean they get promoted without merit, but does get them the spotlight needed to advance. I'm corporate though so do not judge any methods used to move up.

I’ve seen it happen also and it’s disgusting.

The men who respond to it look worse than the women laying on the flirt.

OP - Just step back from this person.

I would not classify Jane as smart so much as Jane is manipulative. Whether she is or is not smart has nothing to do with this trait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

I've actually seen highly productive and intelligent women use this approach to advance. It doesn't mean they get promoted without merit, but does get them the spotlight needed to advance. I'm corporate though so do not judge any methods used to move up.

This times a million. I am a fairly conventionally attractive woman who is gay (a.k.a. a lipstick lesbian) but I saw this all.the.time. in biglaw. Most of the men didn't know/realize I was gay and would attempt to flirt and these women all took it and ran -- it wasn't for the male attention, it was for the access to power, good work, opportunities, etc. They got on cases and got projects because these men liked them.

As a recipient of this, I absolutely took advantage of the pretty privilege until I moved onto greener, less toxic pastures.

I will say, most of the older women would act like OP if they moved an inch for you. These were so competitive and unhelpful because they were: (1) guarding their turf with all their might from being passed off to younger, cheaper, better looking collegues and (2) incredibly busy working mothers or (3) greedy AF.

It is all just an example of the toxic nature of the work world. It's just full of terrible people.

The irony in being a toxic person yet claiming others made the environment toxic. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HOW have you mentored her, other than making space for her in the group? Do you check in with her, listen to her needs and questions? Offer guidance?

Letting someone in a group and then being annoyed by their behavior there is not mentoring.

+1

Give her guidance on how she can meaningfully contribute to the WG

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to fix anything, she's about to rocket up the ranks.

This is a good point. Maybe she's smarter than you

[Anonymous]

You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HOW have you mentored her, other than making space for her in the group? Do you check in with her, listen to her needs and questions? Offer guidance?

Letting someone in a group and then being annoyed by their behavior there is not mentoring.

Im honestly surprised that OP met this young woman once and then offered her a spot in this working group without doing what you suggest above. That just seems short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.

Good lord no. This woman is 28. She knows what she is doing. Leave the situation alone and focus on your own work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Jane either has a crush on Bob, in which case she might become his girlfriend or wife. Or Jane somehow thinks she's going to move up in this organization thanks to Bob.

If the flirting gets too much, and you're the one responsible for this WG, then you need to step in tell her to knock it off because it's unprofessional. If he's doing it back, then given him the speech too.

Bob is married. I can’t tell if Jane thinks it is ok to interact like this in a professional environment or if Jane is oblivious as sometimes the young tend to be. Jane is 28 so younger than the others but terribly young.

She may be young but you are terribly naive. Jane is not. It matters not that Bob is married. Trust me on this one.

I have to give Jane credit. She's realized early that rising up the ranks is usually not based on merit. I've seen others use this approach and it works. Putting your head down and doing a good job on your assignments usually doesn't.

I've actually seen highly productive and intelligent women use this approach to advance. It doesn't mean they get promoted without merit, but does get them the spotlight needed to advance. I'm corporate though so do not judge any methods used to move up.

This times a million. I am a fairly conventionally attractive woman who is gay (a.k.a. a lipstick lesbian) but I saw this all.the.time. in biglaw. Most of the men didn't know/realize I was gay and would attempt to flirt and these women all took it and ran -- it wasn't for the male attention, it was for the access to power, good work, opportunities, etc. They got on cases and got projects because these men liked them.

As a recipient of this, I absolutely took advantage of the pretty privilege until I moved onto greener, less toxic pastures.

I will say, most of the older women would act like OP if they moved an inch for you. These were so competitive and unhelpful because they were: (1) guarding their turf with all their might from being passed off to younger, cheaper, better looking collegues and (2) incredibly busy working mothers or (3) greedy AF.

It is all just an example of the toxic nature of the work world. It's just full of terrible people.

The irony in being a toxic person yet claiming others made the environment toxic. LOL.

Seriously.

You consider women who worked for what they have to be petty for being “passed off for younger cheaper better looking colleagues”. Guess what? You will also age, become more expensive, and less attractive. I’m also attractive (not gorgeous but attractive enough to have received my fair share of attention in my male dominated field) and I never traded in my looks. I considered men staring at my chest a liability. The problem OP is having is that this woman is a social climber and flirted with her first. Now she got what she needed and moved on the flirting with Bob.

[Anonymous]

You're senior aren't you? So give Jane (or "volunteer" her for) something to do. Interim WG report perhaps? It can be billed as good work experience for Jane, will keep her occupied, and if she actually has some legitimate ambitions (i.e. flirtatious and competent) she may do a good job and you'll feel like less of an easy mark letting her on. If she fails or blows it off, you'll have much more concrete grounds for criticism.

[Anonymous]

Coquettish young Jane. I am intrigued.