I'm feeling bitchy. Tell me something about yourself so I can insult you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whole Foods doesn't sell Dasani.

Signed,
Someone who is looking at her hairy legs right now and sighing with disgust.

Whole Foods sells razors though...right?

Oh, I've got the razors... just not the motivation.

Don't have a man in my life right now, so what's the point?

What if that perfect Lipstick Lesbian suddenly walks into your life? You'll be sorry then.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not coming across as b*tchy as I had hoped. You're actually showing a lot of mercy on some of the lame PPs, leaving me to wonder if you are out of practice or under the weather. Please try a little harder. We're counting on you!

[Anonymous]

It's my own fault. No one deliberately walks into an ambush.

Okay, new strategy here. Tell me something about someone you don't like. I'll either agree with you and bitch about them too, or...well, don't worry about that next part.

[Anonymous]

OP, been to the Circus somewhat recently-say March 20th around noon? How do I know? Well, mmmooooohhhaaahahhhha ala Dr. Evil.

[Anonymous]

I don't even get your post. I must be dumb.

I don't go to the circus. They usually smell and I'm a little freaked out by clowns.

[Anonymous]

I have a coworker who wears open toed shoes to the office almost every single day. She paints her toe nails either black or dark forest green, and she has crazy long second toes. They are at least an inch longer than her big toes.

[Anonymous]

I love watching Nanny reruns at night. I never even watched it when it was first-run. It's cheesy as hell but I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a coworker who wears open toed shoes to the office almost every single day. She paints her toe nails either black or dark forest green, and she has crazy long second toes. They are at least an inch longer than her big toes.

My sister has unusually long second toes.

I can understand how that must drive you crazy to see this woman flaut conventional wisdom and decide she is not going to let her perceived deformity hold her back from wearing sandals. Letting her green capped wild toes go completely unfettered to breath the good air of your dignified office.

We all have disproportioned toes, of one type or another. Perhaps you're also physically respulsive, like your office mate. Wapper jawed, rawboned, or suffering from some other visual unpleasantry. At a minimum, I'm sure you're walking around with an unsymmetric personality that is equally offensive. Maybe nice as can be to your kids' friends' parents, but a complete backbiter to your co-worker.

Flaw. It's a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh man this is so funny I almost squirted Diet Coke out my nose. I drink it all day. Sometimes instead of water. I wish I was as clever and witty as OP but then I would remind myself too much of my sister whom I haven't spoken to in over 2 years because she's just plain mean. All the time. To everyone. Unless she wants something. Though I find this thread extraordinarily entertaining, I still can't stand my sister.

I'm so sick of these "My sister is mean" tirades. How mean? Like, did she deliberately hit a handball in the 121st minute of a World Cup match? I need specifics.

As for the Diet Coke, I have no problems with you drinking it night and day. I can't stand these people who make a big show out of purchasing spring water. You see them line up the belt with their boxes and boxes of Dasani, intermingled with some Pirates Booty, arugula, and prepared Moroccan turkey salad from the deli. Yes, I get it. Your kids drink water. Lots of it. That's the new "must have" on the list of superficial signs you're a better parent than the person next to you. Along with arugula. The signals are not lost on me.

But I must say Coke Zero is better. Way better.

Specifics you say? Here's a few:

1. She made my elderly blind grandmother find her own way to her apartment after dropping her off at the curb.
2. She lied about why she couldn't go to my grandmother's memorial (said we'd have one as a family at Xmas but really she had concert tickets) and then complained about having to buy the ham AND host even when I suggested numerous alternative venues. All of them had some perceived fatal flaw.
3. At the "memorial"/family Xmas gathering she accused me of drugging my 3 yr old niece because she slept through the night (read: went to bed before 12 am) at my house the previous weekend.
4. When I bought a new car I offered to sell the old one to my 17 yr old nephew for the price they offered me as a trade in (way below blue book.) The next thing I knew she had told my older married niece she could buy it for the same price and I would have to accept payments. Then she refused to give me the final payment until I signed over the title.
5. She said nothing but mean horrid things about my mom (like she thinks of her children as vaginal ooze as an example) and then convinced my mom to go to Mexico with her so she would have someone with her when she got her stomach stapled.
6. She told my then 16 yr old nephew they couldn't afford to get him new glasses when the old ones broke during gym class. This was because she was going to Mexico to get her stomach stapled.
7. When I went to their house I observed their caged birds were out of food and water and it was apparent they had been for quite some time. I commented on that and she said she'd be glad when they were dead. Yes, I called the humane society.
8. When I graduated from college I asked if my nephew could take a day off from school to help me move some things into storage. She said yes and then called me the night before (literally) and said he couldn't miss any more school because he'd been in the phych ward for 2 weeks during the term. She then proceeded to tell me I have terrible problem solving skills when I said a little more notice would have been helpful.
9. When I was in college she asked me to make apple crisp to bring over for Christmas because her husband really likes apple crisp. I made a double batch since she went on and on about how much he likes it. About the time I was leaving the house she called (on Christmas Day) and told me they had decided two days previous to go to her husband's sister's house. I had never met them but was invited. (My sister is 10 yr older than me and her husband is 13 yrs older than her so I was literally the only person in my age bracket who was going to be there.) I declined the invitation (bit of an introvert) and she tried to make me feel like I was the one who had the problem and the reason she didn't tell me two days previous was she knew I'd decline the invite if I knew in advance.
Should I go on??

PS I agree that Coke Zero tastes better but I feel like it burns my esophagus in a way that Diet Coke doesn't. I only drink it when I really want the tasted of Real Coke combined with internal flames and Rolaids.

[Anonymous]

I am bitchy just because. I find fault in everything. I'm sure if I were friends with Mother Theresa I would find a way to villify(sp?) her.

I've purposely made pregnant people cry, just because I can. I am almost always right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Specifics you say? Here's a few:

1. She made my elderly blind grandmother find her own way to her apartment after dropping her off at the curb.
2. She lied about why she couldn't go to my grandmother's memorial (said we'd have one as a family at Xmas but really she had concert tickets) and then complained about having to buy the ham AND host even when I suggested numerous alternative venues. All of them had some perceived fatal flaw.
3. At the "memorial"/family Xmas gathering she accused me of drugging my 3 yr old niece because she slept through the night (read: went to bed before 12 am) at my house the previous weekend.
4. When I bought a new car I offered to sell the old one to my 17 yr old nephew for the price they offered me as a trade in (way below blue book.) The next thing I knew she had told my older married niece she could buy it for the same price and I would have to accept payments. Then she refused to give me the final payment until I signed over the title.
5. She said nothing but mean horrid things about my mom (like she thinks of her children as vaginal ooze as an example) and then convinced my mom to go to Mexico with her so she would have someone with her when she got her stomach stapled.
6. She told my then 16 yr old nephew they couldn't afford to get him new glasses when the old ones broke during gym class. This was because she was going to Mexico to get her stomach stapled.
7. When I went to their house I observed their caged birds were out of food and water and it was apparent they had been for quite some time. I commented on that and she said she'd be glad when they were dead. Yes, I called the humane society.
8. When I graduated from college I asked if my nephew could take a day off from school to help me move some things into storage. She said yes and then called me the night before (literally) and said he couldn't miss any more school because he'd been in the phych ward for 2 weeks during the term. She then proceeded to tell me I have terrible problem solving skills when I said a little more notice would have been helpful.
9. When I was in college she asked me to make apple crisp to bring over for Christmas because her husband really likes apple crisp. I made a double batch since she went on and on about how much he likes it. About the time I was leaving the house she called (on Christmas Day) and told me they had decided two days previous to go to her husband's sister's house. I had never met them but was invited. (My sister is 10 yr older than me and her husband is 13 yrs older than her so I was literally the only person in my age bracket who was going to be there.) I declined the invitation (bit of an introvert) and she tried to make me feel like I was the one who had the problem and the reason she didn't tell me two days previous was she knew I'd decline the invite if I knew in advance.
Should I go on??

I agree, your sister is a self-centered whore. I have a friend whose sister is just the same. It's an endless mind boggling journey through this woman's reality.

Anyway, you obviously are a list-keeper, which I am not. But lists often prove helpful in the case of injurious relatives, unless you want to take hold of your life and move on. You don't say how much time passes between these events, but I'm hoping it was just one whalloping bad year until you wised up and realized there were good people who deserved your apple crisp. Otherwise, you're a pathetic enabler. What you do with this type of woman is firmly avail yourself to her poor kids behind her back, support them through the hell through which they must constantly be wading, and act like you have a urinary tract infection every time she needs you to bail her out. You have a higher purpose (or a potential one anyway), and you're wallowing in the manure she's spread on your carpet. Just vacuum it up and close the door.