I'm feeling bitchy. Tell me something about yourself so I can insult you.

[Anonymous]

I decided not to unleash any of my pent of hostilities on the other threads. But throw me a bone. I need to attack.

[Anonymous]

Do these cranky pants make me look fat?

[Anonymous]

C'mon. Serious here. No cute crap. Give me something to work with.

[Anonymous]

Okay, now I read the damn cranky pants thread. That's what I wanted to do.

Although I will say it's a complete rip off of the DCUM Old School Game thread.

Anyway, forget it now. I wouldn't be able to match that.

[Anonymous]

Cranky Pants was a hilarious and uplifting poster who invited others to complain about their lives so that s/he could explain how excellently they were coping and how awesome they actually were. Sorry, not sure how to link to the thread.

I thought you might be doing a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde thing...

[Anonymous]

I have a gifted baby and I know it's because he's breastfed.

[Anonymous]

That's true. Cranky pants was not actually cranky.

Looks like I've got some space to establish my brand.

Dear breast-feeder:

No surprise seeing you here. Being reduced to an on-demand house cow has obviously provided you some spare time while junior suckles, where you have the choices of either watching HGTV, looking out your windows, or peddling your archaic milk ideas on DCUM. Yes, I'm sure junior is gifted. Right now he's got a giant yellow gooey gift dribbling down his legs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's true. Cranky pants was not actually cranky.

Looks like I've got some space to establish my brand.

Dear breast-feeder:

No surprise seeing you here. Being reduced to an on-demand house cow has obviously provided you some spare time while junior suckles, where you have the choices of either watching HGTV, looking out your windows, or peddling your archaic milk ideas on DCUM. Yes, I'm sure junior is gifted. Right now he's got a giant yellow gooey gift dribbling down his legs.

I didn't say I breastfed him. I hired an illegal wet nanny (it's a niche market).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's true. Cranky pants was not actually cranky.

Looks like I've got some space to establish my brand.

Dear breast-feeder:

No surprise seeing you here. Being reduced to an on-demand house cow has obviously provided you some spare time while junior suckles, where you have the choices of either watching HGTV, looking out your windows, or peddling your archaic milk ideas on DCUM. Yes, I'm sure junior is gifted. Right now he's got a giant yellow gooey gift dribbling down his legs.

I didn't say I breastfed him. I hired an illegal wet nanny (it's a niche market).

Well, then I have no bones to pick with you.

[Anonymous]

I'm a size 16 and am not sad. I actually LIKE my body.

[Anonymous]

I wear white pants after Labor Day and I have cellulite.

[Anonymous]

No you're not. You are one of those rabid exercisers who has put all her self-worth in her tight ass body and wants the size 16 lady to feel sad. So you posted hoping I'd have something hilarious to say about a heavier woman okay with herself.

Next.

[Anonymous]

I know my kid's IQ. Yes, he is a genius, and yes, I am a better parent than you.

[Anonymous]

I am perfect, my life is perfect, my children are perfect, so is Dh.

Nah - the reality is that my boss hates me, my children have turned into toddler hellions and my house is a disater right now.

Gimme your best shot!

[Anonymous]

I make fart jokes in front of my children.