Dumped out of the blue

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here.

1. We talked for about an hour at lunchtime and it seems like there is a fundamental misunderstanding between how he envisioned last night going and how I interpreted it. For example, he made a comment about “I wanted to text to say goodnight but I figured you didn’t want to talk.” I was like, well why would you, after last night I thought we would never speak again and he said he didn’t intend for last night to be a one-time conversation.

2. I don’t think he handled it immaturely. Nor do I think he’s gay, I was only pointing out that he lost his virginity late to indicate he’s not been in a lot of either serious or casual relationships. He once said he isn’t good at reading signs and that a girl in college had a crush on him and he didn’t find out until years later even though his friends were aware - I think if he has any flaws he’s not great at emotional intimacy.

3. I appreciate the kind words but also just want to be clear to everyone that I’m not crazy or manipulative, nor am I intent on making him the villain. Just in love and sad[/quote]

What!?
There's a lot of concerning things here. Op.
[/quote]
Not OP but not really. [/quote]

Yes there is.
He's oblivious to emotions and reading people. Very poor communication. Not great at emotional intimacy .

Op very codependent. Also had issues with communication as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

Perfectly put.

In this scenario there's a high chance that if op and her bf get together he will leave again when he finds something else and very likely op will be worse off having invested more maybe a house together or children together.

While I agree with the sentiment of the PP, it's pretty funny that it takes great pains to cast the ex as the immature one, when it's OP who is texting someone who said he didn't want to be with her to please take her back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

Perfectly put.

In this scenario there's a high chance that if op and her bf get together he will leave again when he finds something else and very likely op will be worse off having invested more maybe a house together or children together.

While I agree with the sentiment of the PP, it's pretty funny that it takes great pains to cast the ex as the immature one, when it's OP who is texting someone who said he didn't want to be with her to please take her back.

Emotionally constipated man and codependent woman. A match made in a therapist’s bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

Perfectly put.

In this scenario there's a high chance that if op and her bf get together he will leave again when he finds something else and very likely op will be worse off having invested more maybe a house together or children together.

While I agree with the sentiment of the PP, it's pretty funny that it takes great pains to cast the ex as the immature one, when it's OP who is texting someone who said he didn't want to be with her to please take her back.

You are projecting

[Anonymous]

Op, first of all there is not such thing as "out of the blue" when it comes to relationships. The truth has always been there, you just did not want to accept it, this is really on you. Move on and work on yourself, join clubs, workout classes, something that takes you outside your comfort zone and stop hanging onto a dream that was never there in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, first of all there is not such thing as "out of the blue" when it comes to relationships. The truth has always been there, you just did not want to accept it, this is really on you. Move on and work on yourself, join clubs, workout classes, something that takes you outside your comfort zone and stop hanging onto a dream that was never there in the first place.

Lmao. Making things up to own OP. Have you met men? They decide things out of the blue all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Breakups are hard. 10 months in a long time. Be nice to yourself and work hard to let him go. If he doesn't want you he doesn't deserve you. Hugs.

I’m pathetic. I already texted him and said I’m not ready to end this. He wrote back okay, I’m free at 12. I guess we both technically ended it because when he broached the subject he was like “I don’t want this to be a one time convo,” and then when I asked well why did you have me meet your siblings he was like “I didn’t really have a way out,” at which point I just got my things and left. So idk what he wants. He’s never been in a fully adult relationship, didn’t lose his virginity until recently…maybe he doesn’t know?

That’s not how relationships work. If one of you wants out (he does), it’s over. Fin.

[Anonymous]

Go roller skating in short shorts with a group of friends like Kate Middleton did when Prince William dumped her. It worked!

[Anonymous]

At 30, you need to listen when someone tells you they don't what you want.

[Anonymous]

Everyone here is right but so unnecessarily mean