Dumped out of the blue
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Anonymous
| Last night my boyfriend of ten months broke up with me out of the blue. I am 30 and he is 31. I am so sad. I thought he might have been the one but he said a bunch of vague stuff like “I’m not all in, and you deserve someone who is.” He’s not ready to say I love you but can tell I am. Etc. I really want him back. Please don’t be mean I’m so sad. |
Anonymous
| Get a job and stop trolling DCUM |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry OP. Breakups are hard. 10 months in a long time. Be nice to yourself and work hard to let him go. If he doesn't want you he doesn't deserve you. Hugs. |
Anonymous
I’m pathetic. I already texted him and said I’m not ready to end this. He wrote back okay, I’m free at 12. I guess we both technically ended it because when he broached the subject he was like “I don’t want this to be a one time convo,” and then when I asked well why did you have me meet your siblings he was like “I didn’t really have a way out,” at which point I just got my things and left. So idk what he wants. He’s never been in a fully adult relationship, didn’t lose his virginity until recently…maybe he doesn’t know? |
Anonymous
| He tried to do you the favor of not stringing you along. From here on out you have to assume he doesn’t want to ever marry you. Even if you do make it long term the fact is he isn’t that into you and will never love you like that. |
Anonymous
Maybe this is a good time for you to consider why you stayed with someone for 10 months when he hadn't told you I love you. You should work on your self-esteem issues. |
Anonymous
My dh didn’t say it for a year. |
Anonymous
He knows! He told you what he wants—he wants to leave you! He has been very clear and there is no ambiguity. He does not want you and is doing you a huge favor by freeing you to find the right guy for you rather than continue dragging things out. Please, please, please love yourself enough to pack your bags and go. |
Anonymous
Sorry this happened to you, OP. Please be aware that the bold in your post is a risk you need to acknowledge. Don't pursue him, even if you feel right now that you want him back. We should not always get the things we think we want! If you are indeed ready to say you love him, and he sees that as a signal he should leave, you shouldn't be with him, now or in the future. I'm NOT saying he's a bad person, OP, so please don't feel defensive of him. I'm saying he's not a person who's going to commit to you, and if you take him back, you're only delaying an inevitable second break-up. Get out of the house, see your friends and vent and cry, THEN stop venting and crying and join activities or otherwise stay busy with things bigger than yourself and your relationship. You'll gain perspective, the farther away from the break-up you get. But don't go after him and don't be taken in if he comes back on his own. Breaking up when he thinks you're about to get more serious is a huge, unmissable sign. His language might have been vague but the meaning wasn't. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
PP who just posted above (while you were writing this, I guess) that you should not pursue him to get him back. Oh, OP, please don't see him at 12. Just one last text to say it was a mistake and you're done, then block him on text and all social media, phone, etc. You really need to LISTEN to what he's saying beneath the garbled words he's using. The part about siblings is out of context somehow but please, the statement about "I didn't really have a way out" is terrible. He was saying, in reality: "I didn't WANT you to meet them but it was more awkward to avoid it than just to go through with it." Why can't you see that's what he actually means here? He's immature, OP, extremely immature and you say so yourself: "He's never been in a fully adult relationship." And "fully adult" really has nothing to do with sex or virginity or loss of virginity, OP. Maturity in a relationship is about good communication, knowing what you do and don't want, and wanting the best for the other person. He's not hitting those goals with you, OP. He's immature and not just sexually. Don't meet him and drag out this immature break-up. Don't say "idk what he wants." He wants to not be with you; learn to take no for an answer here. Move ON. It's not easy but yes, it's doable. Don't yoke yourself to a man-child who ran as soon as he thought you wanted more. |
Anonymous
We all have different timelines. But OP, I think you need to make this a clean break. Yes, you are sad, but he's not really into you. LISTEN to him NOW rther than later. Find somebody who loves you wholely. You deserve that. And he deserves to have somebody to love wholely, as well. |
Anonymous
DP, not OP, but: For a year...while you were friends? Dating? Dating and having sex? Please say it wasn't a year into marriage.... Do you feel solidly assured now that he loves you? Maybe he's into acts of love rather than words of affirmation or whatever those love language things say--? |
Anonymous
| People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together. |
Anonymous
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Chasing him around makes you look even worse, and you’ll hurt yourself even more. Exes are very patient with a break up, until they meet someone new and really kick you to the curb at the moment your heart breaks even more.
Every minute you think about him you are digging AP yourself deeper into a hole, sticking a dirty stick in an open wound. Do anything but this. Friends, gym, work, movies, anything. |