Dumped out of the blue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

But they shouldn't. I regret - REGRET - getting back together when I tried to break up with my SO. I was right to want to break up. But I hate seeing men cry.

[Anonymous]

My law school boyfriend broke up with me after one year because he said he knew I wanted more and he wasn’t ready. We got back together after a year and have been married for almost 20. I don’t know…talk it out…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My law school boyfriend broke up with me after one year because he said he knew I wanted more and he wasn’t ready. We got back together after a year and have been married for almost 20. I don’t know…talk it out…

You…got back together after a year. Presumably you didn’t text him the very next day and say “OMG no don’t leave I need you!”

[Anonymous]

If anything, give him time away to actually miss you. If he made a mistake, he’ll come back, if not leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Breakups are hard. 10 months in a long time. Be nice to yourself and work hard to let him go. If he doesn't want you he doesn't deserve you. Hugs.

I’m pathetic. I already texted him and said I’m not ready to end this. He wrote back okay, I’m free at 12. I guess we both technically ended it because when he broached the subject he was like “I don’t want this to be a one time convo,” and then when I asked well why did you have me meet your siblings he was like “I didn’t really have a way out,” at which point I just got my things and left. So idk what he wants. He’s never been in a fully adult relationship, didn’t lose his virginity until recently…maybe he doesn’t know?

Have some self respect. I don’t mean this in a mean way, but you deserve someone who wants to be all-in with you. Google ‘f*ck yes relationship’ and read the article.

It’s ok to be sad but never beg someone to be with you! He’s blocking your future husband from finding you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night my boyfriend of ten months broke up with me out of the blue. I am 30 and he is 31. I am so sad. I thought he might have been the one but he said a bunch of vague stuff like “I’m not all in, and you deserve someone who is.” He’s not ready to say I love you but can tell I am. Etc. I really want him back. Please don’t be mean I’m so sad.

Maybe this is a good time for you to consider why you stayed with someone for 10 months when he hadn't told you I love you. You should work on your self-esteem issues.

My dh didn’t say it for a year.

That doesn't mean what you think it does

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

This man is barely an ex. He dumped her last night and she's begging him to stay big difference for a couple that splits up and gets back together months, years down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

Perfectly put.

In this scenario there's a high chance that if op and her bf get together he will leave again when he finds something else and very likely op will be worse off having invested more maybe a house together or children together.

[Anonymous]

The fact that he only recently lost his virginity causes me to think that he may be attracted to men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Breakups are hard. 10 months in a long time. Be nice to yourself and work hard to let him go. If he doesn't want you he doesn't deserve you. Hugs.

I’m pathetic. I already texted him and said I’m not ready to end this. He wrote back okay, I’m free at 12. I guess we both technically ended it because when he broached the subject he was like “I don’t want this to be a one time convo,” and then when I asked well why did you have me meet your siblings he was like “I didn’t really have a way out,” at which point I just got my things and left. So idk what he wants. He’s never been in a fully adult relationship, didn’t lose his virginity until recently…maybe he doesn’t know?

PP who just posted above (while you were writing this, I guess) that you should not pursue him to get him back. Oh, OP, please don't see him at 12. Just one last text to say it was a mistake and you're done, then block him on text and all social media, phone, etc. You really need to LISTEN to what he's saying beneath the garbled words he's using.

The part about siblings is out of context somehow but please, the statement about "I didn't really have a way out" is terrible. He was saying, in reality: "I didn't WANT you to meet them but it was more awkward to avoid it than just to go through with it." Why can't you see that's what he actually means here? He's immature, OP, extremely immature and you say so yourself: "He's never been in a fully adult relationship." And "fully adult" really has nothing to do with sex or virginity or loss of virginity, OP. Maturity in a relationship is about good communication, knowing what you do and don't want, and wanting the best for the other person. He's not hitting those goals with you, OP. He's immature and not just sexually.

Don't meet him and drag out this immature break-up. Don't say "idk what he wants." He wants to not be with you; learn to take no for an answer here. Move ON. It's not easy but yes, it's doable. Don't yoke yourself to a man-child who ran as soon as he thought you wanted more.

Disagree with this. I think he sounds pretty mature; it is OP at 30 who sounds immature. He told her he's not all in and that this is not what he wants. You can't get more clear than that. And he said that OP deserves someone who can give her more, which shows that he does care about her on some level, to your other definition of maturity.

OP, I know you're sad and he sounds like he's a great guy. But the other PPs are right. Do NOT waste another minute of your life pursuing this relationship. If he changes his mind, he'll be in touch. Otherwise, you need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that he only recently lost his virginity causes me to think that he may be attracted to men.

We don't know his age or why he's waited. Leaping from losing one's virginity later than some other people do, to "he may be attracted to men," is a huge leap. In other words, it is not some universal truth that straight men will have lost their virginity by some specific age you (or anyone else) determine is the "right" age.

Don't muddy the waters for the already conflicted and confused OP by helping her make this into, "Oh, he only left me because he's gay, otherwise he'd want to commit to me!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People in these threads are always so weird about women wanting to get back with an ex, like no couple has ever broken up before and gotten back together.

Not "weird." Smart. Why invest any more time in this guy who realized she wanted more and decided to run? If they reunite, it'll be because she feels desperate and he just wants sex and is too lazy to find someone else. Then eventually he'll break up again when she once again gives signals she wants more commitment. Taking guys back in this kind of scenario is a waste of time and only delays the inevitable.

Yeah, couples have broken up and successfully worked things out and gotten back together as more mature and solid couples. It can happen. But that is not this specific OP's scenario at all. Did you actually read her posts? She needs to cut her losses, learn from the experience and find a better match with an actual grown man. She also needs to do some growing up herself and not be so desperate.

Perfectly put.

In this scenario there's a high chance that if op and her bf get together he will leave again when he finds something else and very likely op will be worse off having invested more maybe a house together or children together.

+1

She had better be sure, if she gets back together with him (and I hope she does not), that her birth control is ironclad. Or theyll end up tethered together for life.

[Anonymous]

The weather is lovely today, and people are out on the town. Hit some bars tonight and find a nice gentleman caller to take your mind off it.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a loser. Let him go.