DH wants to quit job to join startup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.

OP is holding down the fort at home while her DH is away from home a gazillion hours a week.

Don't feed the troll. This sounds like a 12 yo trying to act cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.

OP is holding down the fort at home while her DH is away from home a gazillion hours a week.

Nah, she says his current job is flexible and has good hours. Her kids are teens. She has a sweet gig and she’s loathe to do any hard work. Guarantee all of the housework is outsourced. So she buys food and drives kids to activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women have choices. Men have obligations.

True, but still in this day and age men have a higher earning potential usually.

Especially if she has largely been a SAHP and working part-time as a preschool teacher. She will not be earning more than $30-40K even if full time like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5mm liquid, 1mm of equity in the house? Let him start his company

They don't have 5m liquid--it's 5 m net worth which includes college funds for 3 kids and retirement accounts.

Plus a million equity in their house. They’re rich.

No---they should have $3M in retirement. And $1-1.3M will be needed for college. They also need extra for the therapies for their oldest---insurance typically does not cover all that is needed, and even if it does you have deductibles and copays. They do not have "spending money" to just live without much of an income. Especially since they are likely used to living on $400-500K. Health insurance alone will cost them $30K/year for an adequate plan.

House means nothing unless they are prepared to sell it and downsize, but not likely with 3 kids still living at home---not sure "let's live in a 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom house" will go over with teens who are used to having their own rooms, not to mention one with behavioral issues already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.

You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.

The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.

Why do you think she can't run a household or budget? They've saved $5m. They are budgeting just fine, and the OP says they are already frugal except for planned expenses. She also says their teen is troubled and requires 2 parents to handle. It's not just "someone has to drive Larlo to practice." It's "we need two stable figures in our child's life to be effective." It is clearly better if the father is around and involved vs. 100% mom and dad is still at the office. Teenagers are hard, and her teen is not "largely independent" as you say.

Yeah, if OP's DH can negotiate boundaries and stick to them, this would be fine. But will he? If he says he will, does OP believe it? They need to have a come to jesus talk about it, and draw out clear expectations and needs. I think the suggestion to live on a smaller budget for 6 months is also good. I would say this even if OP's DH wasn't leaving a lucrative, flexible position. Anyone diving into a startup needs to have a serious plan (for boundaries, for failure) and not just pie in the sky.

$5m is atrociously low for their age and HHI.

And none of the teens is troubled. One with “mild special needs”… which, is not too bad

Special needs that requires 2 parents to handle..that indicates behavioral problems. Parenting a kid like that is stressful and time consuming. You do not get a break. They are likely not independent.

But I agree for their income level, the savings is not there yet. They need to live more frugally, save and then he could consider the startup. They need to consider that health insurance will be $30K/year for a family of 5. They need to learn to cook more at home and adjust their expenses and see if they are willing to live like that. Much better to do that for 6-9 months and see if they are happy before he quits what seems like a great job, low stress, not ridiculously long hours, etc. See if you can live on $150K-200K and if you are happy before you start using savings to live. They are NOT set for retirement and 3 kids in college and their kids are still teens---they have 8-10 years to go before they are "all out of the house and independent"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.

But if some years it is 500K, they should really be living off of 500k and budgeting accordingly. Anything extra should be just that "extra". Which means they should be saving $150-200K many years, and a true budge would have them saving for retirement and college out of the 500K. Which means they should have more in the bank if they were living carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5mm liquid, 1mm of equity in the house? Let him start his company

They don't have 5m liquid--it's 5 m net worth which includes college funds for 3 kids and retirement accounts.

Plus a million equity in their house. They’re rich.

No---they should have $3M in retirement. And $1-1.3M will be needed for college. They also need extra for the therapies for their oldest---insurance typically does not cover all that is needed, and even if it does you have deductibles and copays. They do not have "spending money" to just live without much of an income. Especially since they are likely used to living on $400-500K. Health insurance alone will cost them $30K/year for an adequate plan.

House means nothing unless they are prepared to sell it and downsize, but not likely with 3 kids still living at home---not sure "let's live in a 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom house" will go over with teens who are used to having their own rooms, not to mention one with behavioral issues already.

What are you talking about? She says they have over 4 million dollars invested in the stock market (this is what I assume “liquid” means). So they do have 3 million for retirement - in fact, they have a million more than the figure you mention. Plus the million in their house. Plus the money for college.

I don’t know where you’re getting the idea that “therapies” are needed for mild special needs. Could be something as basic and common as adhd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.

OP is holding down the fort at home while her DH is away from home a gazillion hours a week.

OP here. Sorry I was at work while this thread got so long!

This is the thing though, he really doesn’t! He leaves by 3-4 everyday. Often picks up the kids or starts dinner (he likes to cook, I don’t). Goes to every game, is available to help with homework. He has time to do house projects and is just now finishing up a bathroom renovation (he taught himself framing, plumbing, dry wall, tiling etc. from youtube). He has time to chat with friends often.

Idk why he’d want to give all this up for a job that pays nothing and requires a lot more work! Except that he thinks his friend is doing something cool and he has major FOMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5mm liquid, 1mm of equity in the house? Let him start his company

They don't have 5m liquid--it's 5 m net worth which includes college funds for 3 kids and retirement accounts.

Plus a million equity in their house. They’re rich.

No---they should have $3M in retirement. And $1-1.3M will be needed for college. They also need extra for the therapies for their oldest---insurance typically does not cover all that is needed, and even if it does you have deductibles and copays. They do not have "spending money" to just live without much of an income. Especially since they are likely used to living on $400-500K. Health insurance alone will cost them $30K/year for an adequate plan.

House means nothing unless they are prepared to sell it and downsize, but not likely with 3 kids still living at home---not sure "let's live in a 2 bedroom or 3 bedroom house" will go over with teens who are used to having their own rooms, not to mention one with behavioral issues already.

You’ve got an interesting definition of “need.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.

No it is not atrocious. How ridiculous! On one thread on this board, you have people talking about how 70% of millennials live paycheck-to-paycheck and presumably have NO savings. Then on this thread, you have people telling the OP she is poor and has “atrocious” saving habits when she and her husband are sitting on 6 million in their early 40s. And the market is down, so if it ever goes back up, they’ll probably have 20% more.

Make it make sense.

The answer is that there is no amount of money that is "enough saved" for DCUM.

The people that think this way are scared, coping, and/or jealous. If someone thinks $6mm isnt enough of a base to start a company then they will never start a company. They will always have an excuse on why it’s not the right time and then not do it. What if dh makes $2mm at his startup in the next year? Everyone is focused on the downside - the downside is things don’t work out and he gets a new high paying w2. Upside is probably large. What does this startup do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.

OP is holding down the fort at home while her DH is away from home a gazillion hours a week.

OP here. Sorry I was at work while this thread got so long!

This is the thing though, he really doesn’t! He leaves by 3-4 everyday. Often picks up the kids or starts dinner (he likes to cook, I don’t). Goes to every game, is available to help with homework. He has time to do house projects and is just now finishing up a bathroom renovation (he taught himself framing, plumbing, dry wall, tiling etc. from youtube). He has time to chat with friends often.

Idk why he’d want to give all this up for a job that pays nothing and requires a lot more work! Except that he thinks his friend is doing something cool and he has major FOMO.

This is the crux of it all, not the money (although money is still important). You need to make sure that he's leaving for the right reasons, and that's not something DCUM can yay or nay. Ignore all the people picking apart your budget. You need to go TALK TO YOUR DH and come up with a plan. Not just "hey, this is dumb." But sit down and crunch numbers and draw boundaries.

[Anonymous]

He's earned the right to do what he thinks he wants to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's earned the right to do what he thinks he wants to do

+1

Relax, OP. Your DH sounds like a smart guy and needs a new challenge. Step it up a bit yourself. Learn to cook, attend a few sports events, brush up on some of your own job skills, and be thankful you're in a good financial place that allows for some creativity for the breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

I am 61 and work at a super cool start up. I am leaving soon to go back to a boring job.

I was there 2 years two months and I do have $100k in vested pre-IPO stock I can’t sell till IPO. I am walking away 100k unvested stock.

People think it is cool but a hot mess for low pay with chance of very high layoff

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's earned the right to do what he thinks he wants to do

There's a big difference between "I talked to Larlo at the bar last night and he has this awesome idea for a startup! I want to quit my job and get in on the ground floor. I bet we'll make millions!" and "I had a few meetings with Larlo and his co-founders. They need someone for X position, and I think I'd be a good fit. It would be less salary than I make now, but they have 3 years of runway so there is time for growth. If it ends up crashing, I can go back to Y."

Also, I think what is annoying a lot of people is that OP phrased it as "How can I nudge him into realizing that I am right?" OP, I hope you can reframe it in your head that you are not necessarily right and he is wrong. You have sound logic to support your opinion, but you need to hear what he has to say, too. And if he has a good argument, too, then you need to be willing to give him a chance.